


Listen to My Heart

by jane_x80



Series: Listen To My Heart [1]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Birth, Character Death, Childbirth, Episode: s11e02 Past Present and Future, Episode: s13e24 Family First, Graphic descriptions of labor, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg, Tony DiNozzo Leaves NCIS Team, Unplanned Pregnancy, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-09 05:31:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12269880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/pseuds/jane_x80
Summary: A re-telling of how Tony leaves NCIS. When the Davids' farmhouse is attacked and Ziva reported dead, Tony freaks out. Soon after Orli brings Tali to him, he and his daughter disappear. Gibbs finally makes some connections about Tony and Tali's paternity but by this time Tony is nowhere to be found, probably being hidden away by Mossad. Gibbs must come to terms with many things, along with the loss of his long-time Senior Field Agent and the circumstances that led up to Tony leaving NCIS and their lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/gifts), [jesco0307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/gifts).



> This story is a different ball of wax for me and I was quite hesitant to use it as my NCIS Big Bang entry, but this is what the muse wrote. That said, please note that I haven't fully tagged the story with all of the appropriate tags because my amazing beta [jesco0307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/pseuds/jesco0307) felt (and I agreed) that some of the revelations, especially in the first chapter, would be a cool one to read through and follow without the tags giving everything away. So, instead of fully tagging the story, I have added the missing tags and/or warnings as end notes to the appropriate chapters and I will come back and update the tags of the story in a couple of weeks or so. Hopefully by then the "surprise" will be over for most of us ;) So if you might have triggers/issues/preferences, I suggest checking the chapter end notes before you read the chapter. And for those who just want to read the story and go with the flow, carry on! Let me know if this system works because unfortunately there is no way to temporarily "hide" tags in ao3.
> 
> Also, this was not written in a vacuum. I am indebted (again!) to my seriously awesome beta [jesco0307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/pseuds/jesco0307) without whose hard work and diligent comments, this story would have been so much the poorer, and might not even have been completed. Thank you so much! I really appreciate all your help with this. Also, I was SO fortunate to get [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/pseuds/Red_Pink_Dots) as my artist! We have worked together successfully in the past and when she requested my story, I knew I would get some truly fabulous artwork. Of course, RPD did not disappoint. In about a week, she create 13 (13!!!!) amazing pieces of art for this story!! Merci beaucoup, mon amie. Plusieurs bisous et calins pour toi!! (AND she has been teaching me French to boot!) :D
> 
> This story is for these two fabulous ladies. I cannot thank you both enough.
> 
> Ahem, I also think that having 13 pieces of artwork for a fic to be posted on Friday the 13th of October has got to be some kind of record, no? LOL. I'm excited!
> 
> Not to forget, [dont_hate_me_01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_hate_me01/pseuds/dont_hate_me01) provided valuable input and encouragement, throughout the writing process. Thank you so much!
> 
> And yes. For someone who professed to never acknowledge Tali's existence, I sure seem to write some stories that have her in it. *rolleyes* I am not entirely sure how that happened... Yes. Tali is in this story. Also, this is NOT a Tiva story. I promise you that. :D
> 
> The title of the story is a line from [I Don't Wanna Talk About It](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVn3bNPk1Ho) (Indigo Girls) which I listened to obsessively while writing this story.
> 
> Also a shameless plug - I'm on twitter now [@jane_x80](https://twitter.com/jane_x80) if you want to connect with me there :D
> 
> \-------------------------------
> 
> 13 November 2017: I've updated the story so that it is now tagged with the "hidden" or "missing" tags. Thanks! :D
> 
> -j  
> xoxo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I said above, I am holding off tagging some things and will instead add the tags and/or warnings to the bottoms of the appropriate chapters in order to preserve the revelations of the story. I will come back and update the tags to this fic to reflect all of the correct tags in about 2 weeks (I am a stickler for tagging - how else can someone search for things if they aren't appropriately tagged??). :D But that said, I hope that for those who are wary and might have issues/triggers/preferences and do not want to take the chance before reading this chapter, go ahead and skip right down to the end notes of this chapter. All the missing tags appropriate to this chapter are listed there.
> 
> In the meantime, this chapter also contains HUGE spoilers for s13e24 Family First. I also appropriated bits of scenes and dialogue from that episode and wove it into this chapter, but please be advised that I did take it and make it my own in that:  
> * some lines were given to different characters to say  
> * scenes were edited to include original (my own) dialogue  
> * scenes might not be in the same order as scenes in the episode, lines also might also not be in the right order  
> * scenes might have additional characters/context than the in the episode
> 
> And because I really did weave the episode into this chapter and monkeyed around so much, instead of marking all the things from the episode with an * or something, instead I point you to [a transcript of the episode](http://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=193&t=27252), which is what I used to write this chapter. I did at first try to mark the lines I took from the episode but then when I started reassigning them to different characters and juggling things around, then it became a question of how detailed should I mark something? In the end, I think it will be easier for you to go through the script to see how I may or may not have butchered it ;)
> 
> \------------------------------------
> 
> 13 November 2017: Please note that I've edited the story to add all of the missing tags. Thank you!  
> -j  
> xoxo

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

**Part I: Gibbs**

**May, 2016**

Gibbs wasn’t sure when it was he lost control of the situation. First the news of the farmhouse being bombed, and Tony paling drastically and sitting down heavily at his desk. And the newscaster speaking calmly:

_No survivors have been found although rescuers continue to dig._

In a surprising show of emotion, Tony pulled his trash can over and proceeded to vomit violently into it. Bishop was immediately on her knees next to him, patting his back awkwardly. Tony was one of those people that, despite his ridiculously friendly demeanor, made it very difficult for anyone to be affectionate towards him. But he didn’t shake Bishop’s hand away, focused on expelling what looked to be his entire stomach contents.

After several dry heaves, he pushed both Bishop and the trash can away.

“I can’t stay here,” he’d said. “I’ve got to go.”

“We know. McGee, get him on a plane,” Gibbs had barked.

“It’s already booked,” McGee chimed in. He’d been busy on the computer while Tony was busy losing his lunch. “The plane leaves for Tel Aviv in four hours.”

And then Tony’s phone rang. The cell phone ring tone sounded ominous in the bullpen. He leapt off the floor and grabbed his phone, answering immediately.

“DiNozzo,” he barked into it. “Orli!” he gasped, his face lighting up with hope. “Ziva?” And immediately crumpled. “No,” he rasped brokenly. “And…? Oh thank god,” he began panting, sweat rolling down his face. “But how? I don’t understand. How? No, no. I’m OK. I’m OK. Can I speak to her? Right. Of course. No, let her sleep. She’s been through a lot. Thank you, Orli. Thank you. All right. I’ll stay put. I hear you, Orli. I hear you.”

He stood motionless for a moment before his hand fell limply to his side and the phone to the floor in a dull thunk. He covered his face with his hands.

“Was that Orli Elbaz?” McGee asked. “Director of Mossad?”

Tony was gulping in breaths, hands still covering his face. He nodded.

“Ziva?” Gibbs couldn’t help asking.

“Dead,” Tony managed to grit out. His face and hands were paling even more, and he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. Bishop rolled his chair out from behind his desk and pushed him down.

“Put your head between your legs,” she gently maneuvered his body until he was in the position. “You don’t want to pass out, right?”

McGee hastily dumped his lunch out of his brown paper bag and brought it over. Tony was obviously hyperventilating.

“Here,” he thrust the paper bag into Tony’s hand and Bishop helped Tony breathe into it, her hand rubbing his back.

Vance came thundering down the stairs, face a grim mask. “I just got a call from Orli Elbaz,” he announced before he looked at Tony, still hunched over, Bishop helping keep the paper bag over his face as she kept rubbing his back. “What’s with DiNozzo?”

“Elbaz called him first,” Gibbs told Vance.

“Oh. Then you’ve heard. About Ziva?” Vance turned to look at Tony in sympathy.

Gibbs walked up to the Director and spoke in his ear. “He’s taking the news real hard,” he said softly. “Give him a minute.”

When Tony was breathing normally again, he straightened in the chair, but he was paler than he’d been when he had the plague, and his fingers were trembling uncontrollably.

“Elbaz called you too, I take it?” Vance said sympathetically.

Tony nodded.

“They don’t think Ziva made it,” Vance continued quietly.

Tony’s breath hitched.

“Are they sure?” McGee asked, his eyes intense.

Vance shrugged. “They found remains. But still, DNA tests take time. They should know in a few hours.”

“Fuck,” Tony gasped.

“I am so sorry, DiNozzo,” Vance gave him a sad look. “Orli said that you and Ziva were still close?”

“You were?” McGee asked, surprised.

Tony nodded. “She wasn’t even supposed to be home,” he said, eyes closed. “She was supposed to be in Tel Aviv with Orli. To watch a ballet. She’d been looking forward to it.”

“Why didn’t she go?” Vance asked curiously.

“I don’t know. Headache or something. Fuck. Why didn’t she go to the ballet?” Tony was mostly speaking to himself by then, his gaze unfocused, his thoughts far away.

“McGee, take DiNozzo home and help him pack. His flight leaves in a few hours,” Gibbs ordered the junior agent.

“Yes, Boss,” McGee started tidying up and pulling his gun and badge.

“No. Cancel the flight,” Tony turned to them. “Orli’s coming here to see me.”

“She called from the Mossad jet,” Vance said, nodding his agreement. “It’ll be faster to wait for her to arrive than for DiNozzo to fly out there commercial.”

Gibbs looked at DiNozzo, unable to hide his concern. “Take him home and stay with him then,” Gibbs nodded at McGee.

“I’ll do it,” Bishop said. “You need McGee to keep digging and looking for Trent Kort. I’ll bring my laptop and work from Tony’s but McGee should stay here.”

“She’s right,” Tony said, his voice a little stronger. “It’s not just McGee that should keep working. I can just stay here and work this case.”

“Go on home, DiNozzo,” Gibbs said firmly.

“What are the facts? Cause we don’t assume. We _verify_ ,” Tony sprang up and glared at his Boss, green eyes flashing, suddenly filled with fury.

“They’re verifying it right now,” Vance said, trying to defuse him.

“If we know she’s dead, we’re gonna get Kort,” Tony snarled as if Vance hadn’t said a word, eyes still focused angrily on Gibbs.

“She’s dead, DiNozzo. And we’re gonna get Kort,” Gibbs said calmly. “Us. _Not you_.”

“Oh yes, me!” Tony growled. “We’ve lost agents before, haven’t we? And when we do, it’s all. Hands. On. Deck!” Tony was yelling and pounding his desk with both hands punctuating his last few words with a loud thump.

“She’s _more_ than an agent to you!” Gibbs said accusingly. DiNozzo was too close to this to work the case.

“She was a _daughter_ to you,” Tony hissed back. “She was a _sister_ to McGee and Abby.” He pointed to McGee.

“She was more than that to _you!_ ” Gibbs yelled.

“So what if that’s true?” Tony was furious. “At least _I’m_ not afraid to say that I care about her. Can _you_ say the same? Huh? How many times did you return her calls? How many times did you even speak to her after she left?”

“ _I care!_ ” Gibbs roared back.

“Oh fuck you!” Tony screamed. “You only care up until we decide to do something you don’t approve of!”

“I don’t know where you’re going with this DiNozzo, but you’d better go on home now,” Gibbs said, his voice lowered dangerously.

“I need to know what happened!”

“And we don’t?” Gibbs’s blue eyes were spitting fire.

“Breathe, Tony. You need to breathe,” Bishop tried to calm her Senior Field Agent, seeing that he was close to hyperventilating again, his face was red and his eyes were filled with tears.

“I’ll breathe when Trent Kort is dead,” Tony said grimly.

“Let’s go, Tony. Just for tonight,” Bishop tried to coax him. “Until Orli Elbaz gets here and can give us more information. And you know McGee and I will keep working on this. Come on Tony. Let me take you home.”

“Listen to her,” Vance chimed in.

“Go,” Gibbs said harshly. “Or go for good.”

Tony gasped, the loudest of a collective gasp from Bishop as well as McGee. “ _What?_ ” he demanded.

“We got this, Tony,” Bishop exchanged a scared look with McGee before she grabbed Tony’s gun, badge and backpack, and took his arm, practically dragging him away. “Shhh. We got this. C’mon.”

When the elevator doors shut on them, Gibbs sat down heavily and rubbed his face tiredly. Fuck it all. Tony was still in love with Ziva. He’d thought they were long over but they were close enough that he’d known that she was supposed to be at the ballet in Tel Aviv and not at the farmhouse. Just how close were they still? In a relationship close? Shit, Tony was still fucking Ziva even though she wasn’t part of the team anymore and hadn’t been for a few years now. A spear of pain lanced through him at the thought that Tony was in a relationship, that Tony was Ziva’s and not his anymore.

His mind went back through the last almost three years since Tony had come back, all broken up inside after he searched for Ziva for months, found her, and then she refused to come back to DC. Refused to return to NCIS, or, he’d thought, to be with Tony. But apparently he had been wrong. Ziva might have refused to come back to the States, and renounced her violent ways, but she hadn’t given up her relationship with Tony. He’d been cramming in a lot of extra hours and taking four day weekends every few weeks to make up for it for the last couple of years. And for the first time in forever, he actually used up all of his vacation time and told them that he would be out of touch the entire time, and he had stuck to that, actually not answering his phone or emails. Years of having Tony on call, whether he was on vacation or not, it had made him wonder what the hell was going on. He’d thought it was Zoe at first, but then they had supposedly broken up. But maybe it wasn’t Zoe. Maybe it had always been Ziva?

Tony had been so lost when he’d first gotten back that fall. Gibbs had known that he wasn’t sleeping. He was missing Ziva terribly. He’d finally pulled himself together, but up till then he was a wreck. But obviously, they’d continued their relationship in secret. Maybe that was why Tony had been able to pull himself together. Maybe they had broken up but then got back together eventually, which settled Tony down. But there was always a gaping chasm between Gibbs and Tony from when Tony came back. As if something had come between them. Something big. Something immutable. Ziva, he guessed now. But Tony had stopped coming around when they broke up, so he didn’t know for sure. And in the past couple of years, he’d come so close to asking Tony to come back to him. He missed the younger man. Missed having him in his life outside of NCIS, what little there was of it. Missed his chatter, his flirtatious conversation, his attempts at pulling Gibbs out of his normal rut. He missed Tony’s smell, Tony’s gentle touches, and the sounds Tony made when they fucked.

No matter. He’d given Tony up a long time ago. Before Tony took up with Ziva, really. Although Tony had been his before he was Ziva’s, obviously Tony was still Ziva’s, even now. But still. He and Tony had had a good year or so together, and then Gibbs had gone and broken up with him. It had just been only sex anyway between them. So he had no right to feel anything for Tony now, or anything about Tony and Ziva for that matter. He’d given up that right when he’d broken Tony’s heart. He’d done it even though he knew Tony loved him. Which was probably why this thing about Ziva was upsetting him even more than just his surrogate daughter’s death.

Fuck it. Ziva had died. How the hell could that have happened? Right under Mossad’s nose?

Gibbs shook himself. It was time to figure this out and find Trent Kort and stop him from hurting anyone else. It had been a huge mistake to yell at DiNozzo right there in the bullpen and threaten to fire him because he’d recognized that bleak look in Tony’s eye after he’d said the words. It was the same look that he’d given Danny Price, his partner at Baltimore PD, when he discovered Danny’s betrayal. Tony was going to leave if he didn’t watch his words.

And then Gibbs had had to run out and deal with Emily who was freaking out in the hospital. And he brought Grace in as reinforcements to stay with her and Fornell while he went back to trying to catch the son of a bitch who had shot Fornell and had now killed Ziva. Then they’d found out about Ghazi Farsoun, and that Kort was still in DC, and while he was in Vance’s office giving him these updates, Orli had shown up and shortly thereafter Tony knocked on Vance’s door and slipped in.

“Agent DiNozzo. Come in. You remember Mossad Director Elbaz,” Vance told him somberly.

“Orli,” Tony greeted her, nodding politely.

To the men’s surprise, the distinguished woman stepped right up to the younger man and pulled him close, giving him a hug worthy of Abby. “It is good to see you, Tony, despite the sad circumstance.”

“Yeah. Tell me you got who did this,” Tony replied rudely.

“We are working on it. We have confirmed that Trent Kort was behind the attacks, hiring Farsoun to destroy Eli David’s private files. Ziva was… an unexpected and unfortunate casualty,” Orli said, her words soft but deliberate.

“And you’re sure? You haven’t even finished sorting through the rubble.”

“I am so sorry Tony,” Orli took both his hands and gripped them tightly in hers.

“Where is Farsoun now?” Gibbs asked.

“Every effort is being made to hunt him down, Agent Gibbs. Believe me,” Orli answered, not taking her eyes or her hands off Tony.

“She wasn’t even supposed to be home,” Tony whispered hoarsely.

“I know,” and here, Orli’s face broke into despair. “I will blame myself forever for not insisting she just stay with me, as planned.”

“It’s not your fault,” Tony whispered, shaking his head. “It’s Farsoun’s. And Kort’s.”

“We will find them,” Orli promised him. “I am so sorry, Tony. Are you ready for her now?”

Tony nodded, drawing in a deep breath.

“What’s going on?” Gibbs asked her. “Why aren’t you still back in Israel, searching, instead of standing here telling us how sorry you are?”

“Actually, I am here for a much more important reason. Something far more personal,” Orli turned and glared at Gibbs. “Bring in Tali,” she told her security.

“Wasn’t that Ziva’s sister?” Vance asked.

“Her namesake. Yes.”

Vance and Gibbs exchanged a confused look. And the door opened, and a beautiful little girl with honey colored curls and Tony’s green eyes was led in by the hand.

“Tali!” Tony gasped.

“Mama!” Tali’s face crumpled as she ran into Tony’s waiting arms, and Gibbs and Vance watched in surprise as Tony swept her up and curled his entire torso around her, hugging her tight, dropping kisses all over her face and in her hair. The little girl had wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his chest. “ _Mama!_ ” she cried. “Mama. Mama. Mama.”

“I’m here, baby. Mama’s here. I’m here now, Tali. I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Tony repeated, face tucked into the little girl’s – Tali’s – hair.

The girl was crying softly, still repeating “Mama,” as if her world had ended.

“Is she…?” Vance turned to Orli.

“She is Tony’s daughter,” Orli said solemnly.

Gibbs couldn’t help but stare at the little girl now. Tony and Ziva’s daughter. Tony and Ziva had had a _child_ together. She looked familiar to him, somehow. Although she favored Tony very strongly, and maybe that was why. After all he knew Tony, had known him intimately, and he’d also known Ziva albeit less intimately. So it was no wonder their daughter would look familiar to him.

“Ziva’s daughter?” Vance asked.

“She called Ziva her Imah, her mother, yes,” Orli agreed, and she turned and glared at Gibbs. The team lead wondered what had gotten up Orli’s ass, for her to be giving him such a dirty look.

“How did she survive?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“She was with me in Tel Aviv,” Orli’s eyes shone, bright with tears now. “Ziva and I were supposed to take her to the ballet. Swan Lake. But Ziva was ill with a migraine, and so I just brought Tali with me, as she had been promised the ballet and it would be months before another company came to Tel Aviv. Ziva didn’t want to disappoint her.”

“So you just took her with you? That seems convenient,” Gibbs said carefully.

“Ziva and Tony have accepted me as Tali’s honorary grandmother, and I am granted permission to take Tali out and spoil her every so often,” Orli sneered at him, still staring daggers at him. Gibbs glared back, wondering why she seemed to be so openly hostile towards him. “Ziva has become like a daughter to me. We mended fences and grew close these past few years. So do not imply what it is that you are trying to imply. It was pure luck that Tali was with me, and not at the farmhouse with Ziva.”

“Thank god, Orli,” Tony turned his gaze on the older woman. “Thank god she wasn’t home with Ziva. Thank god Tali’s still with us. I don’t know what I would’ve done if _both_ Ziva and Tali… Oh my god… Ziva…”

Orli nodded, swallowing hard. Her expression was much more loving and compassionate when she looked at Tony and Tali.

“You should take her home now,” she urged the younger man. “She needs to rest, and she needs you. I have brought her stroller and also her go bag. Isak will go with you and he will put a car seat in your car. She is exhausted. She was sleeping when I called you, but then she cried throughout the flight. Enduring more in her last day than most people do in a lifetime.”

Tony gave a strangled sob and breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of his daughter’s hair. He nodded. He spoke softly, rocking the girl in his arms, and Gibbs tried to ignore the unreasonable stab of anger and jealousy. Ziva had given Tony a daughter. Tony had a daughter. Tony wasn’t his anymore. Hell, maybe he’d never been his. Goddamnit.

And the rest of the day went by in a huge whirlwind. Gibbs tried to hide from Ducky and from Grace because they wanted to talk to him about Tony and Ziva and Tali and Gibbs was in no place to do that yet. If ever. And besides, he had work to do.

They finally located Kort, and converged upon him. Gibbs didn’t know exactly how Tony knew what was going on but no doubt McGee or Bishop must have been keeping him apprised. Tony arrived late but he walked right in with them.

“I had no idea she’d be in the farmhouse,” Kort had told Tony. “It was nothing personal. Strictly business.”

Tony was stone faced and unresponsive, eyeing Kort as if he had crawled out of a cesspool.

And then they’d ended Kort. Gibbs realized that Tony had not pulled his gun out and had not shot Kort. Despite his threats against Kort, he’d just stood there, not doing anything. And when it was over, he walked up to the body, ensured that the man was really dead this time, then turned and walked away without uttering a word. The look he’d given Gibbs was definitely the exact same one that he’d given Danny Price. He knew then that Tony was leaving. Tony was going to take his and Ziva’s daughter away and leave. He wanted to stop it but he knew he wouldn’t. He had nothing to offer Tony. Not even friendship at this point.

Which was why he wasn’t surprised when Tony quietly came down the basement steps very late that night. “You got something on your mind?” he asked the younger man, hating that look in Tony’s eyes. It was goodbye. He could tell.

Tony gave him a shadow of that DiNozzo smile. “A few months ago you asked me what I really wanted. If I wanted to be an agent anymore. Catch bad guys. Now I know the answer.”

“I had a feeling,” Gibbs nodded.

“The Gibbs gut.”

“No. You. Seems to me you’ve known for a while.”

“It’s not like you’ve wanted me around, Boss,” Tony said softly. “Let’s face it. It’s been a truly terrible year for us. You haven’t wanted me back on the team since I got back from Hong Kong and you got back from being shot by Lucas.”

“That’s not how it was.”

Tony grunted and gave him a long look. “You should really give that more thought, Gibbs,” he told him, shaking his head.

Gibbs rolled his eyes and grunted, dismissing him. “Only now, you’ve got a daughter to think of. You can’t only think about yourself anymore.”

Tony snorted. “Evidently, _we_ have a daughter.”

“You… and Ziva?”

“Hmm,” Tony’s gaze was on him, the expression in his face inscrutable. “Yeah. That’s right. Ziva was Tali’s mom. Her Imah.”

“You didn’t want Trent Kort dead?” Gibbs asked, letting him know that he’d seen Tony not participate in the execution.

“All I wanted to do was take Tali away and keep her safe,” Tony said, as if it were a confession. “Everything that she had in her life was gone.”

“Mm-hmm. Except you.”

“Except me. I’m it. I’m everything to that little girl now. And she’s everything to me.”

“But you showed up.”

“Yes, I did. But that’s it. I’m done now. I’m going to take Tali to Israel, look for some answers. Then I’m going to take her to Paris,” he swallowed. “Ziva loves Paris.”

“You gotta do what you gotta do.”

Tony nodded his agreement. “I’d say thank you, but it doesn’t quite cover it, Boss.”

“You take care of yourself and your family, DiNozzo,” Gibbs pulled him into a tight hug and buried his fingers in Tony’s hair, inhaling that scent of spicy musk and a hint of citrus that was Tony, one last time, and taking comfort in the fact that Tony was hugging him just as tightly.

“Copy that, Boss.”

[](https://i.imgur.com/o5IIN50.png)

And then DiNozzo was gone without even saying goodbye. By the next day, he had put in his papers and packed up his desk. And then he and Tali disappeared. Back to Israel, Gibbs thought.

The office was abuzz with the news – of Ziva’s death, of Kort still being in the wind (they couldn’t very well just broadcast the fact that they’d illegally executed the man, ex-CIA blackguard or not), of Tony’s secret daughter, of Tony finally leaving NCIS. Nobody ever thought that Tony would be the one to leave NCIS after all these years of taking Gibbs’ abuse. It was the biggest event of the year. Even Gibbs couldn’t escape the conversations – Ducky, Abby, even Vance. And it was Vance who delivered what turned out to be the first death blow to Gibbs.

“You know what’s interesting?” Vance said in a casual, conversational way.

Gibbs shrugged and grunted, not really interested in what Vance thought was interesting.

“In Israel, children only call the men who birthed them ‘Mama’,” Vance said thoughtfully. “It’s a sign of respect. Imah for mothers who are women, and Mama for carriers. They’re still considered mothers in Israel, and motherhood is the biggest sacrifice of all, for both men and women. Unlike here where men get a lot of flak, depending on where you live. Israel honors both men and women who choose to bear children.”

Gibbs frowned at Vance. “What are you saying, Leon?”

“Are you _sure_ Ziva was Tali’s mother? Tali sure was insistent on calling Tony her Mama.”

“ _What?_ ” Gibbs sputtered.

“I’m just wondering. Could Tony be Tali’s carrier?”

“And just when the hell would he have gone and had a baby without us knowing it?” Gibbs snapped. “It’s not like he can hide a pregnancy with the kind of hours that he works. Worked.” The correction to the past tense made his skin crawl. Tony had left him. For good.

“I suppose,” Vance said, turning away, and focusing on other things.

But Vance’s words stuck with Gibbs. Buzzing around and around in his head.

_Are you **sure** Ziva was Tali’s mother?_

_Could Tony be Tali’s carrier?_

It bothered him enough that a couple of hours later, he pulled McGee aside, and together they looked into Tali’s birth. Born in Israel, during the time period that Tony had been looking for Ziva. Mother listed as _Anthony D. DiNozzo Jr_. Father left blank. Citizenship papers applied, so Tali was a US Citizen since her mother was one. Tony was Tali’s mother, by Israeli law. Her carrier, in US eyes.

McGee gaped up at Gibbs, shocked by what they were seeing. “What does this mean?” McGee asked in a hushed voice. “Tali _isn’t_ Ziva’s daughter? Tali is _Tony’s_ daughter but not one he fathered with Ziva?”

“Looks like it,” Gibbs said grimly.

“But Tony doesn’t swing that way!” McGee’s eyes were wide. “Does he?” he added hesitantly.

Gibbs snorted impatiently. All these years and McGee still didn’t know that Tony had always been an equal opportunity dater. It shouldn’t surprise Gibbs that he got himself knocked up and ran away and had the baby in Israel. It was no wonder he’d been spending so much time in Israel with Ziva if they were raising his daughter together.

“But who’d the other father be? And why would Tony keep this a secret?” McGee wondered out loud.

Gibbs spared a gratuitous eye roll for the poor bastard who was Tali’s other father. Tony probably didn’t even have a clue who he was. He’d always been promiscuous. It was probably some faceless, nameless one night stand.

It was much, much later when he was in his basement, sipping his third bourbon, before he did the math, leading up to the second mortal blow.

Tali would have been conceived about a month _before_ he broke up with Tony. And the entire time they were together, he knew Tony had been completely faithful. For one thing, he’d fucked him so much there wouldn’t have been any free time for Tony to even look at anyone else, much less have coffee or sex with them. And there were times when, even though Tony was wary of it Gibbs hadn’t used a condom, because they were exclusive and Tony was on birth control. But obviously, something had gone wrong. Contraceptives weren’t always 100% effective. Everyone knew that.

Fuck. Fuck! Holy fucking mother of god!

The realization slammed into him.

Tali was _his_ daughter. His and DiNozzo’s. And DiNozzo had tried to tell him when he came to say goodbye to him that night.

“ _Evidently, **we** have a daughter_ ,” he’d said, emphasizing the ‘we’. And when Gibbs had assumed he meant Ziva and him, Tony didn’t correct him. He’d hesitated and just looked at Gibbs, but when Gibbs hadn’t caught on to his meaning, he’d let it lie and moved on.

Why didn’t Tony tell him they’d had a daughter together?

And Gibbs thought about the weird expression on Tony’s face. He’d been waiting for Gibbs to figure it out. He’d tried to tell him. And when Gibbs obstinately refused to even consider the possibility that Tali, given the timeline of her birth, could have been his, and Tony’s – ‘we’ didn’t include Ziva in Tony’s sentence – he could see the moment that Tony decided that it wasn’t worth it to give Tali another father. He was going to take his daughter away and protect her from everything. Including Gibbs.

Fucking hell. He had a daughter! He’d _looked_ at her. She’d looked familiar to him. And now that he was thinking about it, she’d looked familiar to him because she’d reminded him of Kelly, even though her coloring was all Tony. She reminded him of his own baby pictures that now were stored in his attic, after he cleared out his father’s house. His own daughter had been in the same room as him, but he hadn’t even touched her or talked to her or interacted with her, or even just given her a hug. Why?

Because he’d been in a snit, so angry that Tony had had the gall to have a daughter with Ziva that he didn’t even see what was right there in front of his face. He suddenly realized that Orli must have known who Tali’s other father was. And that was why she had been giving him her version of the death glare. In her eyes, he was a man who had abandoned his daughter, never mind that Tony hadn’t bothered telling him about her.

Oh fucking hell. Holy god. He had a daughter. Again. He was a father. And his daughter had almost died without him even knowing she existed.

He scrabbled for his phone and dialed Tony. No answer. Tony was obviously no longer adhering to Rule 3. And when he drove over there like a madman and pounded on the door, Senior sleepily opened the door to him.

“Gibbs?” he frowned.

“Where’s Tony? Where’s your son?” Gibbs burst into the apartment, looking around wildly.

“He took my beautiful grandbaby and left, Gibbs,” Senior informed him, yawning. “He left this morning. No delays. No waiting. He’s in Israel some place by now. Or Paris. I’m not sure. I offered to go with him, get to know my granddaughter, but he said he needed time with Tali by himself.”

Gibbs inhaled sharply.

“When is he coming back?” he asked.

“I’m guessing, never?” Senior said. “People are coming tomorrow to pack up the apartment. It’s why I’m here. He asked me to supervise it. Everything is going into storage. And he wants to sell this place.”

“ _What??_ ” Gibbs yelled.

“Nothing is tying him to DC now that you’re out of his life,” Senior said, shrugging, unaware that each word he said was stabbing into Gibbs’ heart. Nothing was tying Tony to DC any more since Gibbs had thrown him away. Even before Tali had been born, Gibbs had broken up with him and abandoned him. And now, he was being dealt the final death blow. To lose both Tony and a daughter at the same time. He didn’t know how to react to this. It made him feel the loss of Shannon and Kelly all over again. Except this time it really was his own goddamn fault and not something he could rationalize as him off serving his country and unable to protect his family. This time he’d been the one to practically chase Tony off. And Tony had taken their daughter away with him. The daughter that he’d tried to tell Gibbs about.

“How do I get in touch with him? He isn’t answering his phone,” Gibbs asked gruffly.

“He said he’d get in touch with me when he’s ready. Which, you know, probably means in a few years. Given my track record as a dad and returning phone calls.”

“You have a granddaughter now. Don’t you give a shit?”

“I do. But if Junior wants to keep her away from me, there’s not much that I can do about it now, is there? I mean he never even told me he and Ziva had a baby together. And it’s not like she had the baby secretly. He’s obviously known about her from the beginning,” Senior looked hurt. “And that’s not his fault, is it? It’s not like I’ve been the best father to him. Even I can see that. All I can do now is actually try to be there for him when he needs me. It’s probably better he not let me hang around Tali too much. I’m no good with kids, and no good as a dad anyways. Look at how poor Junior turned out.”

It took everything for Gibbs not to deck the older man right then and there. He glared at the elder DiNozzo until he shut up. “Call me if you hear from him,” he said tightly before he turned and left.

Back at his house, he holed up in his basement, pounding the bourbon. He was a father again, goddammit. And DiNozzo had hidden this from him. And now DiNozzo was gone.

He would start the manhunt for DiNozzo and Tali in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently missing tag (to be added in about 2 weeks):  
> * Mpreg  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No hidden warnings for this chapter but check out the end notes for missing tags.

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

In the morning, Gibbs directed Bishop and McGee to search for Tony and Tali. They couldn’t ping his cell phone and Gibbs figured that Tony must have taken it apart and ditched it. There were no airline records of Tony or Tali traveling to Israel, France or in fact anywhere else. McGee asked if he should put out an APB for Tony, but Gibbs thought that that would do more harm than good, so he decided against it.

“Why are we hunting for Tony?” Gibbs heard Bishop whisper to McGee.

“Dunno. Shut up and do it,” McGee told her shortly.

“It makes me uncomfortable,” Bishop whispered back. “I mean, what if Gibbs had said yes to putting an APB out on Tony? This is _Tony_ , McGee! He’s had so much happen in the last few days! Surely we can understand his need to take Tali away and just be alone for a while.”

Gibbs decided to walk by to stop this conversation and the junior agents scattered back to their desks.

None of Tony’s credit cards or bank accounts had been used. Finally, they found a record of Tony and Tali – their passports had been used to enter Israel. Together. Not even twelve hours after Tony left NCIS for the last time.

“Could Tony have flown to Israel with Director Elbaz?” McGee speculated.

“Does he have that kind of a relationship with Mossad?” Bishop was skeptical.

“I don’t know, but when Tony was hunting Ziva down a few years ago, maybe he made friends?”

Gibbs snorted. “He traveled with Orli,” he told them with confidence. “She told me herself that she considered herself to be Tali’s honorary grandmother. So yeah. She would have pulled strings to let them both fly on their private jet back to Israel.”

“OK, so he and Tali are in Israel. They’re safe, Boss,” McGee looked at him. “Not much we can do from here now. I’ve sent him a few emails and not received any replies, but I figure he’s probably settling in, jet lagged or whatever, and you know, I’m not a parent but I’m guessing being the single father to a toddler is probably pretty time consuming.”

Gibbs grunted. “Just keep an eye on his credit cards and accounts. Let me know if there’s any activity.”

McGee and Bishop exchanged a concerned glance.

“Shouldn’t we give Tony some privacy?” Bishop asked softly.

Gibbs glared at her but said nothing.

“OK Boss,” McGee had said, but even he sounded unsure.

And then there was a long period of silence. Tony didn’t respond to emails or voicemails, and his financial trail went completely cold. There was no activity on them other than periodic payments, which McGee assured him were automated. Gibbs was forced to admit that Tony had effectively hidden himself away from them. Even if he went to Israel personally, based on the looks that Orli had given him, there was no way that she would tell him where he was. She might even actively hide them from him.

The next few months were difficult. Gibbs ended up adding three new people, including an MI6 operative, Clayton Reeves, to the MCRT to make up for Tony leaving. But nothing could fill that DiNozzo-shaped space on the team. McGee was constantly overworked. And he? He kept expecting the DiNozzo snark whenever anything happened, and it hurt him not to hear Tony’s voice. He would give the team a look and expect to be understood, but there was no Tony there to interpret his non-verbal cues, and he was forced to use more words. More and more, he was finding himself missing the spark that made him want to get up every morning and go to work. That burning need to solve the crime and right the wrong. He knew he was getting complacent and more hands off, but he couldn’t help himself. All he could think of was that DiNozzo had disappeared off the face of the earth, taking Tali, taking _his_ daughter Tali with him, and Gibbs missed him. Missed him more than he could even fathom. And he kept wondering what they were doing – was Tony enjoying hot chocolate, wherever it was that they were? Did Tali also enjoy it, like her Mama did?

Gibbs found himself thinking of Tony as Tali’s Mama more and more. He wondered what Tony had looked like when he started showing, and how his pregnancy must have progressed. He knew that the man had been on the team, up until almost the end of his second trimester, but at the time, Gibbs had remembered scoffing at him, thinking he was getting soft and gaining weight. When the whole time, he’d been pregnant. His body had changed as he was carrying Gibbs’ daughter. And Gibbs had sneered at him and made fat jokes at his expense, because he and Ziva seemed to be starting a relationship.

Had it been an easy birth? Had he gone through it alone at an Israeli hospital, a single father with no support? Or had he found Ziva much earlier than he’d claimed, and she’d been there for him? He didn’t know. He didn’t know what Tali had looked like as a newborn, he didn’t know if Tony had decided to breast feed or bottle feed her. He didn’t know _anything_ about how Tony and his daughter had started their life together.

It burned him not to know these things. Just as it burned him not to know where Tony was now, and what he was doing with Tali.

He found himself replaying their final conversations over and over in his head as he sat in the basement, unable to work on his boat. He’d just been sitting on the sawhorses, drinking more bourbon than was healthy for him, and going over every single word they had exchanged ever since they learned the news about the farmhouse being bombed.

So many things haunted him now. How angry Tony had been with him for not letting him be part of the case because he was too close to it, even though the same argument could be made for each of them. Just how angry Tony had been with him in general at the end there. And how bitter.

“ _You haven’t wanted me back on the team since I got back from Hong Kong and you got back from being shot by Lucas_ ,” Tony had said.

Gibbs had given this a lot of thought, couldn’t help but think about it. Had he really not wanted Tony back? Had he allowed what happened with Lucas affect him, that a child could shoot him and almost kill him, and that at his age, it was a much harder injury to just get over and work past, such that he had taken his frustration out on Tony? Made him feel unwanted? Unneeded? Certainly he’d gone out of his way to make Tony feel unwelcome. Was that what it was? But Gibbs was used to taking his frustrations out on Tony. Tony had always let him do it. What made everything different this time?

Or had he just always done it and Tony had just taken it and never been the one to walk away from it before? And now that he’d put his foot down and decided what was and wasn’t acceptable any more and removed himself from Gibbs’ world, was that what upset him the most? That Tony had left of his own initiative instead of waiting for Gibbs to tell him to leave? Besides, why did he miss Tony so much anyway? Because he was used to using him as a punching bag? Or because he missed the companionship, the laughter, the smiles that they used to share? He didn’t even know it himself. In his mind, he was starting to find it difficult to separate their work relationship from their one-time sexual relationship even though he was the one who had broken up with Tony years ago.

He couldn’t help but continue to think about it endlessly. Because it still wasn’t the whole story. It wasn’t just that Gibbs was having trouble getting over being shot and taken his frustrations out on Tony. It was part of it, sure. But really, it bothered him that upon further reflection, he realized that he _had_ been trying to push Tony out. At the time, he’d tried to tell himself it was all for Tony’s own good. After all, he needed to move on, move up, lead his own team. He’d demonstrated his competence more than enough, and Gibbs had meant to speak to Vance about offering Tony his own team again. But yet, for the whole year, Gibbs didn’t speak to Vance. Somehow never found the time. Maybe never bothered to find the time. So no, apparently he didn’t want to help Tony get his own team. So why had he been pushing Tony out of the team? He realized then the number of times he’d benched Tony – kept him working at his desk instead of doing his best work out in the field and letting McGee or Bishop accompany him instead.

A small voice told him that he’d been jealous. Tony had handled being the team lead for the MCRT with no problems, and their case clearance rate, even with just Tony, McGee and Bishop, just the three of them while he was out of commission had remained just as high as it always was. And Tony had even been gallivanting around the world, hunting Daniel Budd down, rooting out all the cells of The Calling with Joanna Teague while maintaining the team’s high solve rate. And he’d completed the international manhunt just as competently as well. Teague had had nothing but the highest compliments for Tony and his performance on the joint op. He’d helped her find closure for losing her son.

So. Was he jealous? Had he been trying to keep Tony down on purpose? Keep Tony ‘in his place’? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d done it. He’d thought about his actions following his return from Mexico all those years ago and realized that he’d been insecure and had actively sabotaged Tony in the eyes of their subordinate teammates on purpose. Yanked the rug from under his feet on purpose. Kept things from him so he would look stupid. And yet Tony had stayed. Why had Tony stayed back then? And why did Tony choose to leave this time?

The only thing Gibbs could think of was the sex. Because they’d finally done it. Crossed that line from flirting to sex. Gibbs had finally taken Tony to his bed and it had been good. It had been more than good. Better than anything Gibbs had had with any of his ex-wives or any of the women he’d dated since Shannon died. They’d been good together, had understood each other, had a wealth of experience and knowledge of each other’s good and bad qualities, knew each other almost better than they knew themselves. And then without warning, when he knew Tony was deliriously happy and quite possibly starting to fall in love with him, he’d again yanked the rug out from under the man’s feet. He couldn’t keep going, letting Tony think they were going someplace because they most definitely weren’t. They were not going anyplace. Gibbs was vehemently not looking for a long term relationship. It wasn’t personal. Gibbs was just done with it all. After being widowed and divorced three time, and all the other failed relationships in between and afterwards, there was no more room in his life for relationships. All he wanted was the occasional good sex. He couldn’t let himself fall in love again because look what had happened with Shannon? And with Kelly? He couldn’t lose another person that he loved again. So that was it for Tony. Hence the sudden break up. He knew he hadn’t given Tony any warnings before he’d gone ahead and shattered what they had and he knew that he’d hurt the younger man. Probably more than he would ever want to acknowledge. But he had to, because Gibbs was done with relationships.

But all that was just his own justification because he didn’t want to admit to himself that he had feelings for Tony. Strong feelings for him. So he’d broken it off with Tony without even giving him any reasons or second chances. And he’d punished Tony for trying to start a relationship with Ziva. And he’d punished Tony after he’d gone out into the big bad world all by himself, without Gibbs’ guidance, and taken down the man behind The Calling. It didn’t make him feel good about himself, how poorly he had treated Tony.

Because Tony had been right. Whether he realized it or not, he _had_ been trying to make him leave. It had been a passive aggressive move and now that he thought about it, it made him hot with shame. He couldn’t even have said it to Tony’s face. He’d done an end run around him and in the end, given him no other choice but to leave. With or without Ziva’s death and the revelation of Tali’s existence, he knew now that Tony was always going to leave him. Leave NCIS. Because Gibbs had made it impossible for him to stay. Even If Kort hadn’t targeted Eli David’s farmhouse, and Ziva hadn’t died, Tony was still going to leave. If Kort hadn’t attacked the farmhouse, then Tony would have just quit, probably sooner rather than later. He would have quietly disappeared, and Gibbs would never have even known about Tali. And the more he thought about it, the more he realized that that must have been Tony’s plan, especially after Gibbs’ treatment of him post his take down of Daniel Budd. He had been biding his time, waiting for a good time to leave and start a new life with his family – with Ziva and with the daughter that they had made their own. And most definitely _without_ Gibbs. And Gibbs wasn’t even sure how he felt about any of it.

Gibbs sighed and poured himself another jar of bourbon. He’d fucked up both their private and their professional relationships. He’d torpedoed both of them. But yet, now he was practically stalking the man and upset because he couldn’t follow his money trail to figure out where he was and what he was doing. How Tony was doing. How Tali was doing. What Tali might be learning to do now. He’d missed so much of Kelly’s life being on active duty and being deployed, and now he was missing Tali’s entire life. He’d only spent less than five minutes in his own daughter’s presence, and it was his own damned fault.

He’d fucked up their relationship so badly that Tony had been certain that he wouldn’t accept Tali as his, and had refused to even give him the chance to be a part of her life. Of their lives.

But then, he didn’t even know if he wanted to be involved in Tali’s life. He didn’t know if he could handle being a father again. Surely he was too old and too broken to be a good one. But it still rankled that Tony didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. Didn’t dare risk their daughter’s happiness in order to give him a chance. And it hurt that he understood why Tony had done this. Tony was a good man, a good Mama to their daughter. He’d chosen to protect her and at the end of the day, shouldn’t Tali’s safety and happiness be the ultimate goal? Why should Tony keep giving Gibbs all these chances when all he’d done was take and take and never given anything back? Tony was definitely not going to risk putting his daughter on the line. Not for Gibbs and not for anyone else either. Especially not when even he himself, after all these months of thinking about it, still didn’t know how he felt about having a daughter.

And that truth hurt. As did the news that the team would report back in. Every few weeks, Bishop or Abby or McGee would receive an email from Tony, and it would be casual and happy. He let them know that he and Tali were doing OK, what movies they were watching, sending pictures of Tali’s artwork. Abby printed out and hanged all of Tali’s artwork all over her lab, and Gibbs found himself going there when he knew she wasn’t in and looking at the pictures, fingering them, trying to see what she was thinking when she drew them. Tony never said where they were or what they were doing exactly, but at least he was still keeping in touch with them. Which was more than what he could say for himself. He’d received nothing from Tony. Not an email, not a voicemail, not even so much as a postcard. And it did hurt.

When Tony had been sent away to the Seahawk to be their Agent Afloat, he’d bombarded Gibbs with emails and postcards from every port of call. And Gibbs had been the one to withhold his replies and scoff at Tony’s enthusiasm at keeping in touch. Gibbs had done nothing to reassure the man that he was working to get him back, or that he was in any way wanted back on the team. And now, it was he who was getting nothing. McGee assumed that Gibbs was still receiving postcards and emails, like the rest of them were, but just keeping them private as he tended to do. But the truth was, Gibbs had not received one single communication from Tony. From the man who’d borne him a daughter, a beautiful baby girl who looked like her mother. Tony had hidden her from him. Hidden them both from him. He had no one to blame for this but himself.

It was killing him.

[](https://i.imgur.com/Jk2CdJs.png)

\----------------------------------------------------------

Gibbs finished stripping Tony, pushed him down on the bed and laid himself on top of the younger man, trailing kisses up his body, sucking and marking up his neck, before he claimed Tony’s lips, dominating the kiss, even as Tony opened his legs and allowed him to settle in between them, hard cocks rubbing against each other. He began rolling his hips, their cocks sliding against each other, slick from their combined pre-cum. Tony whined into his mouth and arched up, begging for more.

He smiled in satisfaction. This was the way he preferred Tony. Hard and wanting, arching, writhing and whining under him. He began leaving wet, open mouthed kisses down the strong line of Tony’s jaw, leading towards Tony’s ear, tangling his fingers in Tony’s short hair, tugging it hard and angling his head so that he could begin kissing Tony’s ear.

The younger man shuddered when his hair was pulled and his head roughly positioned. He loved it when Gibbs manhandled him. Gibbs licked the shell of his ear, and sucked and bit at the spot right below it which made Tony whimper, grinding himself up into Gibbs reflexively, his hands grabbing Gibbs’ ass and trying to pull him closer.

“Fuck me,” Tony moaned. “Fuck, Gibbs. Need you.”

“Let me get you ready for me then,” Gibbs told him, reaching into his nightstand drawer for the lube.

“Don’t forget the condom, Gibbs,” Tony reminded him.

Gibbs slapped the top of his head, poured lube on his own fingers and, kneeling in between Tony’s legs, began circling his index finger around his puckered hole.

“C’mon,” Tony whined, trying to push himself down on Gibbs’ finger. “Stop teasing me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Gibbs grinned at him, even as he leaned down and licked a stripe up Tony’s dick, his grin widening as Tony’s cock hardened and pre-cum drooled from the head. The younger man moaned and pushed himself up on his elbows.

“Are you fucking me or not?” he demanded, breathlessly. “I’ve got a toy with my name on it if you’re not able to handle me tonight,” he taunted.

Gibbs laughed, and then sucked Tony’s cockhead into his mouth as he pushed a finger in all the way.

“Fuck!” Tony gasped, surging up into Gibbs’ mouth. The older man held his hip down with his other hand and released Tony’s dick with a wet slurp.

“Unh-unh,” he shook his head. “My way, DiNozzo. We’re doing this my way.”

Tony fell onto his back with a disgusted snort. “It’s always your way,” he griped.

Gibbs pressed on Tony’s prostate and Tony practically came off the bed with a strangled yell.

“Are you complainin’?” he asked, one eyebrow raised, a wicked gleam in his blue eyes.

“Fuck no,” Tony panted as he clenched around Gibbs’ finger. “Not as long as you – _unnnnhhhhh ohfuck_ yeah – as long as you keep d-doing that…” he moaned.

Gibbs slipped a second finger in and stretched him, quickly adding a third finger. Tony was still fairly loose from their morning bout of sex. He began thrusting them in and out of Tony’s body, and the younger man began riding his fingers, tightening his muscles and moaning, his dick slapping up against his belly. Every so often, Gibbs would lick the pre-cum off of Tony’s dick, or blow on it, teasing him, even as he finger fucked Tony. When Tony began breathing hard and clutching at his shoulders, blunt fingernails digging in, and his balls began tightening, signaling the approach of his orgasm, Gibbs pulled his fingers out and grabbed the base of Tony’s dick, stopping him from coming. The whine of protest made his own dick throb with need.

“You come when I say you can come,” he whispered in Tony’s ear, making the younger man shudder and curse.

“Don’t say it like _that_ then,” Tony complained, breaking off to moan when Gibbs squeezed his balls. “You’re just _trying_ to make me come now.”

Gibbs grinned. He knew that it turned Tony on when he was all commanding and whispering filthy orders in his ear. After a moment, when he was sure Tony was back in control, he released Tony’s dick and began slathering lube on his own aching cock. Without preamble, he pushed himself into Tony’s slippery hole, drawing a curse from the younger man. When the younger man relaxed around him and began trying to fuck himself onto Gibbs’ dick, he began thrusting. He started slowly, pulling almost all the way out and pushing back in hard, slamming into Tony’s prostate, and Tony arched up into him, groaning with every thrust. Tony’s body was soft and velvety around his dick, so hot and slick and tight. They found their rhythm and before long, Gibbs was fucking into him, short, hard strokes, speeding up as they went along.

Tony was so beautiful under him, one hand on his ass, yanking him in deeper, the other around his neck, forcing his head down and kissing him. The sounds he made – moans, and curses, and hitched breaths – so goddamned sexy. Everything Tony did was a turn on. Everything.

Gibbs shifted a little, pulling one of Tony’s legs over his shoulder, opening him up even wider. He was losing control, his hips stuttering as he pounded into the younger man, nailing his prostate with almost every thrust, Tony’s cries escalating as he sped up his movements. Tony was frantically meeting his every thrust, panting hard, moans escaping from deep within his throat every time Gibbs hammered on his prostate.

“Jesus, _fuck_ , Gibbs,” Tony began cursing. “Fuck! _Hnnnnnnnnnnghhhh_ fuck, oh please,” Tony began that obscene babbling that he did when he was close to release, begging for it.

Gibbs continued to piston in and out of Tony, moving a hand to encircle Tony’s dick, and stroking it in time. Tony arched up into his hand, his movements frantic, his moans needy. Repeating “please” and “fuck” and “yeah” over and over as he held on, trying to hold back his release until Gibbs gave him permission to come.

“Such a good boy,” Gibbs praised him breathlessly, panting, watching his own sweat drip onto the inviting expanse of flesh beneath him. He was close. He was so close to release. “You can come.”

A few thrusts later, Tony gave in, tensed up, and screamed as come spurted from his cock in long, thick stripes. His entire body contracted in spasms, his ass clenching tight around Gibbs’ dick. The older man managed to shove himself in and out a couple more times before he gave in and emptied himself deep in Tony’s body, growling with satisfaction at the thought of his seed deep inside Tony.

Tony was a wreck, a breathless, panting wreck, his face and neck red with exertion, eyes closed, creamy stripes of come decorating his chest, even up to his neck. Gibbs couldn’t help but grin at the sight.

He pulled out with a squelch, and Tony moaned. He sat up, still panting, looking down at himself, seeing come drip out of his hole.

“Shit, Gibbs. What happened to the condom?” he frowned.

“Forgot?” Gibbs shrugged, eyes wide.

Tony bucked Gibbs off, smacked his chest, and threw himself back down on the bed in a snit. “Ass,” he griped.

Gibbs leaned in and kissed his protests away. “You know you like it.”

“Yeah I like leaking come out of my ass, and smelling like you all day even though I’ve showered and cleaned myself,” Tony grumbled. “It’s fucking unsanitary is what it is. Asshole.”

The thought of Tony walking around all day smelling Gibbs on him, and others smelling Gibbs on him, knowing that Gibbs had claimed this man, this gorgeous, clever, amazing man made Gibbs’ cock twitch. He cupped Tony’s chin and kissed him thoroughly. “Come shower with me. I’ll kiss that pretty hole of yours afterwards. I’ll show you unsanitary.”

“Oh, fine, whatever. You think empty compliments will turn my head,” Tony rolled his eyes and grinned wryly. Gibbs knew that Tony wasn’t seriously upset with him. Besides, he knew how much Tony loved it when Gibbs rimmed him.

Gibbs smacked the top of his head again and dropped a kiss on his chest before he jumped out of bed and headed into the bathroom. He could hear Tony grumbling about not helping him out of bed or cleaning him up, and the distinct lack of aftercare involved, and snorted with laughter. Somehow, Tony always made sex fun and more importantly, Tony made him laugh at himself, something all of his ex-wives hadn’t been able to do.

And then Tony was in the shower with him. But somehow in the span of that moment he was pregnant. He was naked, his belly huge, and round, and full, he looked to be at full term.

“You did this to me,” Tony accused him, hand on his almost obscenely gravid belly, green eyes sharp and angry. “Look at me. _You did this_.”

Gibbs opened his eyes, heart pounding, breathing hard, and found that he was staring up at the ceiling of his living room, the echo of his and Tony’s laughter in his mind superimposed with Tony’s eyes and the accusation. _You did this to me_.

He struggled to catch his breath and return to himself. It was a dream then. It was only a dream. He was lying on his couch. Despite the shock of the end of the dream, his cock was still hard, tenting his sweatpants, and he reached in and began jacking himself off, unable to stop himself from remembering Tony’s moans of pleasure. The memory of Tony’s screams when he orgasmed and his ass clenched tight around his dick brought him to completion in record time. Guilt accompanied his ejaculation. He laid there, panting softly, thinking about the dream. It wasn’t fully a memory, especially not how it ended in the shower. But it was representative of their sexual relationship. Tony had always tried to insist on a condom but he had been the one who wanted to fuck the man bareback. He had skipped the condoms as often as he could get away with it. Of course, Tony could have tried harder to stop him, but he knew that if he hadn’t been as insistent about fucking him bareback, Tony would have had him wrapped up every single time. And there would be no Tali.

So. He’d impregnated Tony, broken up with him, and caused him to run away and have the baby in secret. And now, he’d forced Tony to leave him, given him no reason to stay, no encouragement to stay. He’d made him feel bad about himself for so many reasons, all of which were self-centered and stroked his own ego.

And now he was left, empty and missing Tony with every breath.

He closed his eyes, but all he could see was Tony’s body, naked and his huge pregnant belly. Was that how he’d looked? Had he gained a lot of weight in the end? Shannon had, and had had a hard time losing all that weight after Kelly was born. Did Tony have to work hard to get back to acceptable NCIS fitness levels, to hide the fact that he’d had a baby?

Did Ducky know that Tony had given birth and hidden it from him? Doctor patient confidentiality nonsense? Gibbs resolved to speak to Ducky. At this point, there was nothing else that he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missing tag:  
> * Unprotected sex  
> * Unplanned pregnancy


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No new hidden tags and no warnings for this chapter

[](https://i.imgur.com/YFiRFr0.png)

As it turned out, he didn’t have to look for Ducky to talk about this. After their next case was resolved and their reports completed, the opportunity presented itself. Gibbs found himself unable to sleep. He laid on his couch, alone in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, images of his nightmare, of the heavily pregnant Tony flashing through his mind. Finally he gave up, sat up, and went down to the basement. He sat for a long time, nursing a mug of bourbon. His poor neglected boat was becoming a table on which to prop his drinks these days. But that night, he couldn’t stop the images of Tony big with his child from flooding his mind. Was that what Tony had looked like? He wished he knew.

“Hello, Jethro,” Ducky’s voice floated down from the top of the basement steps.

“Duck,” Gibbs turned and nodded a greeting.

“I wanted a word with you.”

Gibbs nodded. “I wanted to talk to you, too.”

Ducky carefully made his way down the stairs and Gibbs pulled out a sawhorse that Ducky leaned against. The rheumy blue eyes stared at him, scrutinizing him. Gibbs emptied a mug of random odds and ends, blew on it, and poured a measure of bourbon for the elderly gentleman.

Ducky accepted the mug, raised it in a silent toast, and took a small sip.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Gibbs asked.

Ducky gave him a sharp look. “The fact that you are asking me what I wanted to speak to you about makes me conclude that whatever it is _you_ wish to speak to me about is a difficult topic.”

Gibbs grunted and shrugged.

“Why don’t you start first?” Ducky waited for a moment, giving him an expectant look, before he snorted and shook his head. “Very well, Jethro. I will go first. I’m far too old to be sitting around in your basement, waiting for you to speak first. I feel rather confident that I might die of old age if I waited.”

Gibbs rolled his eyes, and Ducky grinned at him.

“Timothy and Eleanor have both come to speak with me. They are worried about you.”

“I’m fine, Duck,” Gibbs objected.

“I have also been watching you, and Timothy and Eleanor are right to be worried,” Ducky continued, as if Gibbs hadn’t even spoken. “You are struggling. You haven’t been enthusiastic about work, you’ve delegated and passed things off, which is something I’ve been asking you to do for years with no success. I should be happy that you are finally taking my advice, except you now appear unfocused and unmotivated, and definitely not your usual angry, determined, workaholic self.”

Gibbs stared at Ducky, lips pursed angrily. Apparently he hadn’t been as good at hiding his issues as he had been in the past.

“Jethro, I realize that Anthony leaving so abruptly was a huge shock to all of us, especially given the fact that we now know that he had continued to have a relationship with Ziva, and had even fathered a daughter with her,” Ducky said, speaking quietly.

Gibbs closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“We all miss him, Jethro. But we should be happy for him, that he is now able to be a father, and to spend time with his daughter. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been for him to have to leave her and Ziva in Israel, and return here for work. It must be such a relief now that he can be with Talia at all times. What happened with poor Ziva is a tragedy, but we must look to find the positive things now, and to be there and be happy for our Anthony,” Ducky paused to take a sip of the bourbon. “You must try to be happy for Anthony. You must try to let him go. He has a daughter who loves him, and he’s happy being a father now.”

“He’s her mother,” Gibbs couldn’t help but correct Ducky.

“I beg your pardon?” Ducky looked at him, confused.

“McGee didn’t talk to you about this?”

Ducky shook his head.

“So you didn’t know that Tony gave birth? You weren’t hiding his medical records from me?”

“What on earth are you talking about, Jethro?”

Gibbs sighed. Well. At least Ducky wasn’t holding out on him, and he did get to talk to Ducky about what he did or didn’t know. Apparently Tony had been keeping his cards very close to the vest and had told no one about what he’d gone through.

“That was my question for you, Ducky, if you knew he’d given birth and didn’t tell me about it,” he admitted.

“I did not know,” Ducky frowned. “Although if I had known, and Anthony asked me not to talk about it to you, and his physical condition was up to NCIS field agent standards, then I would not have told you given that I was his physician. However, I did not know. Are you absolutely certain?”

“You can ask McGee for corroboration, but we found the truth out about Tali. She’s not Ziva’s biological daughter. She’s Tony’s. Did you spend any time with her while she was here with Tony?”

“Yes, of course I did. She is a delightful and lovely young girl. She looks exactly like young Anthony.”

Gibbs nodded. “Nothing like Ziva, right?”

Ducky looked thoughtful. “Perhaps not, but it’s not uncommon for children to favor one parent over another.”

Gibbs rubbed his face. “Records show that Tony gave birth to her,” he said shortly. “Not Ziva.”

“What? Anthony was her carrier?” Ducky was surprised.

Gibbs grunted and nodded. “In Israel, carriers are called mothers. Tali’s birth certificate lists Tony as her mother.”

“That’s why Talia calls him Mama,” Ducky blew out a long breath. “I had thought it was a private joke between Ziva and Anthony and their daughter. Oh, Anthony. Why did he not tell us about her? Why did he choose to raise her in secret, with Ziva? What would the other father say?”

“Her other father didn’t even know she existed,” Gibbs said bitterly. “Not until she showed up at NCIS.”

“You know who her other father is?”

Gibbs nodded.

“Who, then, is Talia’s other father? How did he take the news?” Ducky’s eyes were wide.

Gibbs rolled his eyes and growled.

“Jethro?” Ducky’s expression changed to shock as he realized what Gibbs was trying to say. “Are you telling me that you are Talia’s other father?”

Gibbs nodded again.

“And you didn’t know she existed?”

He shook his head and threw back his bourbon, slowly pouring himself a refill while Ducky just stared at him.

“And you just… _let_ him leave with her? Even after you found out?”

Gibbs slammed his fist down on the table, making the elderly man jump. “I didn’t know she was my daughter until after he left!” he roared. “I didn’t know!”

“Anthony didn’t tell you?”

“He tried,” the words were pulled out of Gibbs, Tony’s voice going through his head. _Evidently, **we** have a daughter_. Except Gibbs didn’t know that he was part of that equation. Couldn’t see the truth even though it was slapping him in the face. “Fuck, Ducky. He tried to tell me but I was too preoccupied, too involved in my own stupid little world, too ready for him to just get the fuck out of my life and stop complicating things and stop rubbing his love for Ziva in my face, that I didn’t understand. Not until it was too late, and he’d already gone.”

“Oh, Jethro,” Ducky was full of compassion. They sat and drank for a while in silence. “I take it things did not end well between the two of you?”

“It was fine. He came over, and we said goodbye. It was all civilized. I just didn’t realize he would up and disappear on me.”

“No, no. I mean, when you were um, how shall I put it delicately, when you were…”

“When we were fucking?” Gibbs broke in.

“Good lord, Jethro. Surely it was more than that. Anthony loves you. He always has.”

Gibbs rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “He did. I broke his heart.”

Ducky patted his shoulder comfortingly. “Have you at least exchanged emails, discussing Talia and what you know? Or have you just been responding with your usual terse summaries of cases you’re working?”

“He hasn’t contacted me, Duck,” Gibbs’ voice broke at this. “Not a peep.”

“And what have _you_ said to him?” Ducky asked.

“What’s there to say?”

Ducky gasped. “Are you telling me that you have not reached out to him, even though you know full well that you fathered his daughter, Jethro?”

“He ran, Duck. _He_ ran away from me.”

“Jethro!” Ducky stood, slamming his mug down.

“It’s _true!_ He’s hidden her from me for all these years! I’m the one who’s sitting here wondering if they’re OK, if they’re safe. I’m the one wondering if they need anything. He ran from me, and he never told me about her! He hid _everything_ from me!”

Ducky stared at Gibbs for a long moment. “Perhaps it is time you realized that this is not about you, Jethro,” Ducky’s tone was icy. “You have done everything according to your own whim. _You_ broke Anthony’s heart. _You_ ignored him when he tried to tell you about your daughter. _You_ haven’t reached out to him even though you know about Talia and that you are her other father. But the thing is, I begin to understand why Anthony did not tell you about her. You can’t get yourself out of your own head to put anyone else ahead of you. You, Jethro, have forgotten what it is to be a parent, to put a child’s needs ahead of your own. And luckily for young Talia, Anthony is putting her needs ahead of his or yours.”

Gibbs gaped at the elderly ME. Ducky was furious. And he wasn’t done.

“Anthony must have had a good reason for not telling you about her. The only reason that comes to mind is that he thought that you would not be able to love her. You, of all people, know that he would never allow his child to ever feel unloved, given his own background. But you loved Kelly! We all know that. And you have always been good with children. _Why_ would he think that you wouldn’t love another child of your own, no matter the circumstance of her birth? Who put that thought in his head, Jethro? Was it _you?_ ” Ducky continued angrily.

“I don’t know! Maybe!” Gibbs yelled, throwing his mug against the wall, watching it shatter, splattering liquid. “All I know is…”

“There you go again, putting _yourself_ ahead of anything else!” Ducky interrupted.

Gibbs stared at Ducky who was yelling back in anger. He’d very rarely seen Ducky so angry that he raised his voice in this manner.

“What?” he asked, confused and thrown by Ducky’s reaction.

“Have you even thought about what Anthony had to go through, being pregnant, giving birth, all by himself, in a strange country? This is Anthony. He is terrified of children. Have you put yourself in his shoes? Have you wondered, how frightened and desperate was he in order to do this, and then to hide her from you so effectively? Do you not even care?”

“I _care!_ ”

“Then you should tell him that! Put him and Talia ahead of your own selfish desires for once! He hasn’t asked you for anything. Has he? Not even emotional support in the raising of _your_ daughter? He isn’t expecting anything from you, and as far as I can see, his assessment of you and what you’re prepared to do is spot on!” Ducky’s eyes were stormy now. “Perhaps, Jethro, you can surprise him by showing him care and compassion? For once, do you think you could stop thinking about yourself and think about Anthony and Talia instead? Do you think, that despite his cheerful and optimistic emails to us, that he is having an easy time being a single parent in a strange country?”

Gibbs covered his face with his hands.

“You are the _only_ one of us who hasn’t reached out to Anthony,” Ducky said, keeping his tone cold. “You are the only one who hasn’t risen above your own petty hurts to think about what he and Talia are going through. What they have already gone through. And you are the one whose concern would matter the most to Anthony. You don’t have any excuses, Jethro. You even know that you are Talia’s other father.”

“Oh god, Ducky,” Gibbs groaned.

“I believe that you Americans have a succinct saying that is quite pertinent right now. Get over yourself, Jethro. Send Anthony an email. Send him as many emails as it takes for him to write back. Be honest. For once, stop letting your own pride get in the way.”

“I don’t know if I want to be a father again, Ducky! I don’t even know if I can!”

“Then for god’s sake, be a friend.”

Ducky turned and headed back up the stairs. He stopped and looked at Gibbs when he had reached the top. “Jethro,” he snapped. “This issue is obviously distracting you. Get your head screwed on right before you get yourself or one of your people killed in the field.”

Gibbs gasped and looked at Ducky.

“You’re a fan of plain speaking. I believe I have spoken plainly,” Ducky practically snarled. “Do not make me put you on medical leave for your own good.”

Gibbs nodded slowly.

“And Jethro?”

Gibbs raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

“If this is preoccupying you so much that you aren’t yourself at work, and are endangering your team, perhaps that’s your answer.”

“Answer to what?”

“The question of whether or not you want to be a father again,” Ducky looked at him solemnly. “If you did not, you would have already put this all behind you and Anthony would just be the man who gave birth to a daughter you do not care about. Instead you _do_ care.”

With that, Ducky disappeared, leaving Gibbs sitting and thinking hard, drinking bourbon straight out of the bottle. In the morning, when he went in to work, he took himself out of active field duty, knowing that Ducky was right. He was too distracted to do his job and he didn’t want to endanger his team because of his personal problems. The second thing he did was sit and write an email to Tony. It would be the first of many emails that he would not receive any replies to, but given that Ducky had been right, and had had to be the one to shame him into it, he needed to put Tony and Tali first instead of himself, he swallowed his pride and continued to send Tony emails regularly in the hopes that one of these days, he would actually receive a reply.

\--------------------------------------------------

A month later, the MCRT was acting as security for Vance at a conference for international inter-agency cooperation right in downtown DC. Many heads of intelligence and law enforcement agencies from several countries were in attendance. Gibbs was mostly monitoring the security feeds, and letting McGee handle the rotation of the security team accompanying Vance in person. He caught glimpses of Orli Elbaz but had no opportunity to speak with her until the cocktail party on the last night of the conference.

He was on a short break, and saw the regal woman walking to the bar to refresh her drink. Gibbs walked up to her and waited until she had received her glass of wine before he greeted her.

“Director Elbaz,” he said politely.

“Agent Gibbs,” Orli replied frostily.

“I have a… personal question to ask.”

Orli gave him a long look before she glanced at the two men escorting her, her security personnel, and they backed away as she and Gibbs walked away from the bar to a quiet corner.

“Proceed,” Orli told him, sipping her wine.

“How are they?” Gibbs asked.

The dark haired woman raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t going to make this easy for Gibbs. She knew exactly who Gibbs was asking about but she was going to make him say the words.

“Tony DiNozzo. And Tali. How are they?” Gibbs swallowed his pride and asked her.

She gave him a thoughtful look. “You believe I have seen them?”

“You said that you were Tali’s honorary grandmother,” Gibbs responded, trying not to get angry. Orli was protecting her family, protecting Gibbs’ daughter, which was more than Gibbs had done. He didn’t want to anger and alienate her right now.

She nodded slowly. “They are doing well,” she finally answered.

“Are they still in Israel?” Gibbs asked anxiously.

Elbaz gave him a silent stare.

“Right. Of course,” Gibbs backed off from that subject. She was not going to give him Tony’s location, not without Tony’s express permission. And Gibbs knew that he hadn’t earned that yet. He hadn’t even earned a reply to any of the many emails that he had sent Tony in the last month. “Well. When you next see them, please tell Tony that I meant what I said. I’ll be whatever he needs me to be for him and for Tali.”

Elbaz glared at him. “Tony said you have been emailing him.”

Gibbs nodded.

She grunted and pursed her lips. “I will convey your message to him,” she said and turned to walk away.

Gibbs grabbed her arm, and steeled himself to be removed by her bodyguards, but she flicked a hand at them and they fell back again. 

“Please. If you can please tell Tony…”

“You believe that you have the right to even speak _about_ Tony?” Elbaz scoffed.

“I know I’ve been completely wrong,” Gibbs couldn’t help the desperate note in his voice. “Please, Orli. I know I’ve made mistakes. I’m rigid and controlling and I’ve ignored truths right in front of my face. I want to…”

“To what?” she shook her head. “What is it that _you_ want?”

Gibbs pursed his lips. “I just want to know that they’re OK,” he finally choked out. “That they’re safe. I couldn’t keep my first wife and daughter safe. I need to know that they’re safe. Please.”

Orli gave him another long look. Finally she nodded. “I can assure you that they are safe,” she told him.

Gibbs swallowed hard and nodded, arms falling to his side. “Please, tell Tony that I think about him and Tali. Constantly.”

Orli nodded again. “I will do that.”

“Thank you.”

The Mossad director turned and started walking away, but then she paused. She turned back to look at Gibbs. “They are under Mossad’s protection now. We cannot let Eli David’s granddaughter fall into the wrong hands.”

Gibbs frowned. “But Ziva wasn’t her biological mother…”

“Tali is Ziva’s heir,” Orli told him. “She had adopted her. Tony and she had been raising her together, and were planning on continuing to raise her together after he left NCIS.”

The words were like daggers stabbing at Gibbs’ heart. Tony had been planning to leave him without ever telling him about Tali. “But why? Did she even know that I was Tali’s other father?”

Orli sighed. She looked at Gibbs, and he knew she was weighing how much to tell him. Finally she spoke. “Ziva knew. Of course she knew who Tali’s father is.”

“Then why did she adopt my daughter?”

Orli gave him a pitying look. “Ziva loved Tali as if she were her own,” she told him.

“Oh.” There wasn’t much Gibbs could say to that. After all, Tony had named his daughter after Ziva’s sister.

“And Tali loved her Imah,” Orli said fiercely.

Gibbs nodded dumbly. “OK.”

Orli sighed. “Tony respects Ziva’s heritage. He is having the farmhouse rebuilt for Tali.”

“He is? Why?”

“Because, like Ziva before her, Tali was born there.”

“ _What?_ ” Gibbs was shocked. “Tali was born in the David farmhouse?”

Orli nodded.

“Were you there?” he demanded.

She shook her head. “I was not. Tony called me a week after Tali’s birth, and that is when I went to the farmhouse, when I met Tali, and when Ziva and I started to forgive each other for our past mistakes.”

Gibbs’ brain was spinning. “But still. Why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t Ziva tell me I had a daughter?”

“That is between Ziva and Tony,” Orli said sadly. “I can tell you that she always thought Tony should have told you about Tali. She never shared with me Tony’s reasons, but she respected his decision and abided by it. Perhaps this is something you should also do?”

Gibbs blew out a long breath. “Maybe if I understood the reason why Tony didn’t want me to know, it would help me respect the decision to keep her away from me,” he suggested. “If you could maybe tell him that…?”

“You can tell him that yourself in the emails that you send to him. I will not violate his trust and make your case for you.”

Gibbs nodded slowly. “Fair enough,” he agreed. “He needs people in his corner.”

Orli gave him an approving nod.

“What do you think his reasons were?” Gibbs couldn’t help but ask. “You must have some theories.”

The woman chewed on her bottom lip. “I had thought, at first, that Tony wanted to be assured that he would not lose custody of Tali.”

“Why would he lose custody of her?”

“Your antiquated laws, here in the US, where a mother’s rights are not respected. That you could claim sole custody and take Tali away from her mother just because he is not a woman,” Orli shrugged, her disgust palpable. Gibbs wasn’t sure if it was at the law, or directed at him.

“But…”

She frowned at him. “I do not know if you would have been so ruthless as to deprive Tony of his daughter. But I am not certain that that’s his reason.”

“I wouldn’t have taken her away from Tony!” Gibbs said hotly.

“Would you not have?” Orli was curious. “You have such a low opinion of him. You berated him in public, you always openly disrespected him. If I were in his shoes, I would have doubts. Based on how you treated him, I thought he would not have wanted to tell you about a child for fear that you would think he would be an unsuitable mother.”

“I would never…”

“You asked my opinion,” Orli raised an eyebrow. “That would have been my reason. As to Tony’s, you will have to ask him yourself.”

She spun on her heel and walked away again. After a few steps, she turned her head. “And before you even ask, Tony is more than adequate for the task of being Tali’s mother. He is the best mother that you could ask for. His conduct has been exemplary. You should be proud of him. And of Tali.”

And with that, she gave her security a glance and they fell back in behind her as she continued to wend her way through the crowd, smiling and chatting, open and friendly yet dangerous as a shark.

Gibbs stood, stunned at the conversation. Could Tony have decided that he would have used that stupid law, that law he didn’t even agree with, to take Tali away from him? For the life of him, he couldn’t be sure what he would have done. When he’d learned that Tony had been the one to give birth to Tali, he’d immediately assumed that Tony’s promiscuity and carelessness had led to his condition. It had taken him far too long to figure out and accept that he was really Tali’s other father. And Ducky had accused him of being self centered. Would he have actually thought that Tony wouldn’t be a fit parent? Or worse, would he have exercised his rights to full custody of Tali just because he was angry with Tony?

He really didn’t know. He would like to think that he wouldn’t have separated Tony from their daughter when obviously Tony was a far better parent than he would have been. But he didn’t know if he would have been able to pull his head far enough out of his own ass to actually give Tony a chance.

Maybe Tony had been right to do what he did. Maybe the person Tali needed to be protected from was Gibbs.

Gibbs was also dumbstruck by what he’d learned. That Tony had actually given birth in the same farmhouse that Ziva had died in. And he was paralyzed by the realization that Tali had almost died there with her, except for an accident of fate. And that Ziva had been the one to see Tony through the end of his pregnancy and the birth of his daughter.

He didn’t know what to think about that.

After Gibbs thought about the conversation for a couple of days, he wrote a new email to Tony.

Date: 18 December, 2016  
From: ljgibbs@ncis.gov  
To: tdz@anonymail.com

Subject: (no subject)

_Tony,_

_You might have already heard that I spoke to Orli the other day. I asked her if you and Tali were safe. And I asked her to tell you that I will be whatever you need me to be for you and for Tali. And that I think about you both. All the time._

_I’m sorry, Tony. For how I treated you. I will respect whatever decision you make, but I hope you will consider allowing me in Tali’s life one day. Allow me the honor of knowing her. You don’t have to tell her that I’m her other father._

_I also want to assure you that I would never try to take Tali away from you, despite what the law says about carriers rights over their children. You are Tali’s mother. You’ve been the one looking out for her, you and Ziva. And I will not separate your daughter from you. I hope you know that. I don’t know if I can tell you that I wouldn’t have done it had I learned of Tali’s existence when she was born. But please know that I won’t do that now._

_Orli mentioned that Tali was born in the farmhouse where Ziva was killed. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you. I hope that the delivery went smoothly and Ziva was everything that I couldn’t be for you._

_I hope one day you will find it in your heart to talk to me again._

_Gibbs._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No new hidden tags and no warnings for this chapter

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

**Part II: Tony**

**November 2016**

Tony sat in the rocking chair, the big book of fairy tales face down on his lap. Tali had fallen asleep. He turned the light off and sat in the chair for hours, watching his daughter sleep. Tali, who had been an accident and who was now his redemption.

He wasn’t sure if he could continue to do this without Ziva. Ziva had been his rock. From when she first learned of his pregnancy, she had been there for him. And when he wanted to run away and hide with Tali, she had come up with a plan where they could keep Tali safe and Tony could go back to NCIS and figure out a good exit strategy, where he didn’t end up leaving Gibbs with no back up. The plan was to give McGee intensive training to become Gibbs’ Senior Field Agent in the next year or so and then Tony could resign and return to Israel with a clear conscience. Ziva would temporarily be Tali’s primary caregiver, and in the meantime Tony would come and spend as much time as he could with them in person, and keep in touch via videoconferencing on a daily basis. That had been the plan.

And in this way, Tali would always know that she was loved and wanted. She would never feel the way Tony had been made to feel his whole life. He loved her fiercely, and he couldn’t want her more than he did. And he needed for Tali to know that. He’d been incredibly lucky, because Ziva had loved and wanted Tali, too. And now Tony had to face an uncertain future without the person who had been there to help him raise his daughter. Ziva had become such an integral part of his and Tali’s lives. Ziva had really been there for them. So much so that when Tali started to call her _Imah_ , Tony couldn’t find fault with it. Ziva was Tali’s mother in all but biology.

He couldn’t help but think back to the day that Ziva found out about Tali.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

**August 2013**

Tony knocked on the farmhouse door, sweat pouring down his face. DiNozzos and desert climates did not go well together, especially DiNozzos in his condition. He groaned, one hand fisted on his back, rubbing the constant ache that had persisted for months. He swiped the sweat off his face with his other hand before he pounded on the door again.

She had better be here. He’d been so close at the last place! He’d just missed her. But he was going to find her, if it was the last thing he did. Well, that and if it happened in the next few weeks because he knew he couldn’t last much longer. Gibbs was already making noise and Vance certainly wanted him back two months ago.

Luckily for him, he had an enormous number of unused vacation days, the investigative instincts worthy of Sherlock Holmes, and the stubbornness of Gibbs himself. He was not going to quit his quest when he was so fucking close. He was going to find her, and he was going to talk her into going back to NCIS. She had to since there was no way he was going back. He needed someone he trusted to watch Gibbs’ six in his place, as he couldn’t go back there now. At this point, Tony was surprised that the bastard hadn’t gotten himself killed while he was away, wandering around the middle east trying to track Ziva down.

He banged on the door again, loudly and insistently, muttering under his breath in several languages. She had better be here. And if she wasn’t he was going to break in and maybe stay a few days because he was fucking exhausted. His feet hurt, he was sweating like a pig, and his bladder was just about to burst.

Finally he heard a gasp from behind the door.

“I heard you!” he yelled. “Open up, goddammit! It’s hot and I’m fucking _melting_ out here!”

“Go away, Tony!” the familiar lilting accent greeted him.

“I brought my lock picks!” he threatened.

“Tony, I don’t want you here! How did you find me?”

“Open the door and we can talk like civilized people!”

“Civilized people? I will have you know that…”

“Please… Please can we talk for a bit?” Tony finally broke down, and he could hear the inherent whine and pleading note in his voice, but he couldn’t help it. He was fucking done and if he didn’t find a bathroom in the next thirty seconds, well, the bushes by the front door was going to get the kind of watering that would certainly make her open the door, if only to yell at him.

There was silence.

“Fuck you! I’ve been looking for you all over creation! The least you can do is let me in! For just one goddamn minute!” Tony screamed.

No answer.

“ _Aaaargh!_ ” Tony kicked the door awkwardly, but he landed a solid hit which probably bruised his toes, even through the boots he was wearing. He knew he should have worn the steel toed ones for that move, but he’d been anticipating a hike instead of a need to kick doors down. Not that he was in any condition to be kicking any doors down.

He looked at his backpack which he’d dropped about fifty feet away from the farmhouse on the little path leading up to the door. He would have to trudge back over there, bend over – god, just thinking about bending over made him want to cry – and find his lockpicks. He would normally have kept them on his person, but he’d been searched a few times and now they were innocuously disguised as different harmless looking tools in his backpack. Easier to conceal them in this manner in his backpack than to keep getting his lockpicks confiscated and the authorities calling Gibbs and Vance to verify his identity.

He gave the door one last vicious kick before he turned away and started walking towards his pack. A couple steps out, the door opened.

“Tony!” she called out. “Have you given up so quickly?”

“Why, does that hurt your feelings?” he threw back at her, turning his head and glaring at her, not turning his body towards her.

“Perhaps a little,” she smiled a small smile, leaning seductively against the open door. Her eyes were huge and dark, her hair a curly cloud around her face. He knew what her hair smelled like, what her skin tasted like, what she looked like when he made her come.

[](https://i.imgur.com/Xfr1OO1.png)

God he’d missed her. He’d missed that smile. He’d missed their stupid banter. They had been heading somewhere kind of and then things happened and she’d disappeared. And then even more things happened and now he was stuck and he needed her to get him unstuck.

“Come in, Tony,” she said, inclining her head. “You will not need your lockpicks.”

Tony stopped, and turned away, looking at his backpack. He’d found her. He’d found Ziva. At the farmhouse in Israel where she had been born. Fuck. He really needed to pee. There was no good way to break the big news, so he took a deep breath and turned around.

“Tell me where your bathroom is before I pee all over your floor,” he told her as he strode back and pushed past her through the doorway. OK so maybe in his head he was striding. In reality, he knew that it was more like he was waddling.

“Tony!” Ziva gasped, staring at him.

“I’m gonna pee on the floor right now, Ziva!” he told her curtly. “Do not fuck with me. Bathroom?”

“First door on your right, when you go through there,” Ziva muttered stupidly, pointing through a dark hallway.

“Thanks. Watch my backpack will you? I don’t want to lose it.”

Tony went down the hallway, found the bathroom, and finally, finally, he got to relieve his bladder. When he was done, he bent himself awkwardly over the sink and soaked his head with cool water, sighing loudly when he started cooling down. He put palmfuls of cool water on his head and neck and shivered as little rivulets dripped down his back and down his front. He was feeling much better now that the pressure on his bladder had abated, and the cool water was heavenly. But he couldn’t just hide away in the bathroom. He’d spent months looking for her, after all. And now, it was time for them to talk.

He was not looking forward to this talk. Taking in a deep breath, he opened the bathroom door and tentatively stepped out.

“I am in here, Tony,” Ziva’s voice floated from within the farmhouse. He followed its direction and found that the hallway opened up to a large, airy room, furnished with comfortable old furniture.

“Hey, Zee,” he gave her a small smile.

“Sit down,” Ziva took his arm and helped him sit down. “Do you need to put your feet up?” she asked solicitously.

“I think I’d better,” Tony gave her a one shoulder shrug. “If I want my feet to stop swelling so I don’t have to have these boots cut off my feet.”

She helped him turn sideways on the comfortable couch, padding his back with pillows and putting an extra pillow and lifting his feet onto them, elevating them a little. Tony couldn’t help the moan of relief that escaped him.

“Did you walk here from the train station?” Ziva asked.

“I tried to call you to pick me up, but you know, you weren’t answering,” he gave her a mischievous look.

“Fuck it, Tony! In your condition? In the hot sun? It is over six miles away!”

“It wasn’t like I could just call a cab to take me here, or go to the nearest Hertz outlet. Your farmhouse is _waaay_ out in the middle of nowhere, Zee.”

“I _know_. It is why I chose to come here, you _stupid_ man. Wait here.”

Ziva disappeared before he could say anything, and he sighed, shifting himself so he was more comfortably settled against the pillows. He stared down at his belly, wincing when he felt his bladder being kicked viciously. He’d just peed, goddammit! And was actually finally in a good position, one that minimized the ache in his back.

“Stop doing that,” he hissed at his belly.

As if to mock him, the baby turned, causing him to feel that weird ‘there’s a whale moving slowly inside me’ feeling, and began kicking at his ribs instead.

“Ow! Goddammit! Stop kicking me!” he rubbed his belly gently. “Come on, sweetheart. Calm down, please. Daddy’s really tired right now.”

“Here,” Ziva handed him a sweating glass of lemonade.

Heartburn be damned. Tony glugged it down thirstily and handed the glass back. The lemonade seemed to calm the baby, or at least stop her from kicking his ribs. Instead she seemed to glide around, and his belly rippled with the movement.

“ _Mas?_ ” Ziva asked, slipping into Spanish, unable to tear her eyes away from Tony’s ridiculously gravid belly. More?

Tony nodded. “ _Si. Por favor_.” Yes. Please. He’d responded without even thinking, switching languages automatically.

Ziva poured more lemonade out of the pitcher and handed the glass to him, sitting down on the sturdy wooden coffee table, nursing her own glass of lemonade. She waited until Tony had drank half his second glass of lemonade and laid aside the glass with a sigh.

“I’m going to have to pee again in a minute after all that liquid,” he grumbled.

Ziva giggled. “I cannot believe my eyes, Tony,” she finally said. “Why would Gibbs let you run around the middle east in your condition?”

Tony shrugged.

“He does not know!” she gasped, eyes wide.

He sighed and shook his head.

“But the baby is his, is it not?” she asked, eyes serious.

He nodded.

“Why did you not tell him? He must want to know. He loves children.”

“He doesn’t want any more kids, Zee,” Tony said sadly. “We’ve had this discussion. This was way before he was fucking me. I asked why he never had more kids, you know, since he’d been married three more times after Shannon died. He obviously loves kids and kids can’t get enough of him so I had to ask. He told me he couldn’t ever replace Kelly, and that any children after would be a pale copy of her.”

“Oh, Tony,” Ziva leaned forward and drew him into a tight hug.

“I won’t even tell you how much bourbon he had in him to tell me that.”

Ziva pulled away and glared at him. “And so you endanger your health and the health of your child while you run around in war torn countries looking for me?”

Tony shrugged. “Seemed like the less frightening option than going back to DC like this,” he gestured to his belly. His legs were splayed wide open to allow the huge round dome room, hanging down between his legs.

Ziva sighed and rolled her eyes. “When are you due, Tony?”

“A few weeks?” he made a face.

“The truth, Tony.”

He sighed noisily. “Next week,” he muttered.

“Tony! What are you doing walking in the heat on a day like this when you are due any time now!” she yelled.

“Please, Ziva. Can you yell at me later?” Tony’s green eyes were pathetic and Ziva could tell he wasn’t even trying to play her. He looked done in.

“Let’s get you settled in, yes?” she said, slapping her hands on her thighs. “Do you want a snack before a nap?”

“I don’t need a nap,” Tony said petulantly.

Ziva raised an eyebrow.

“OK, fine. I could do with a bit of a lie down. But I’m so comfortable here right now. Please don’t make me get up, Zee,” he whined.

“Oh very well,” she rolled her eyes. “I will assist you with your boots.”

“I can do it,” Tony tried to wave her away.

“I am surprised you were even able to put them on. How did you ever reach your feet?” Gently, she put her hand on Tony’s belly, giggling when the baby kicked her hand. “Oh! It kicked me!” she gasped, putting both hands on, and giggling as the baby kept kicking her.

“She,” Tony corrected her.

“What?”

“She. Not it. She.”

“It is a girl?” Ziva’s eyes lit up with joy. She muttered softly in Hebrew, and Tony smiled, recognizing it. Everyone in Israel seemed to have said that to him, a prayer for the unborn child. “Oh, how wonderful, Tony! A daughter!” she laughed joyfully.

“I don’t want her to be a pale copy of Gibbs’ lost kid,” Tony said sadly, and before he could stop it, his eyes welled with tears. “I don’t want her to be a replacement. She’s her own self. She shouldn’t have to live up to his memories of his ‘real’ daughter.”

“Oh, Tony,” Ziva sighed, wiping his tears away, and pulling him close, rubbing his back soothingly. “I am sure Gibbs will love her the way he loved Kelly. If he only knew about her.”

Tony shook his head, sniffling as tears kept seeping out of his eyes. “Fucking hormones,” he growled, knuckling the tears away fiercely. “I won’t have her grow up thinking her father doesn’t want her,” he said softly. “I know how that feels, Ziva. I won’t put my baby through that.”

Ziva sighed. “So what will you do now?”

And for some reason, even though he had the answer in him, he knew what he wanted to tell Ziva, his throat choked up and the fucking waterworks got even worse, and before he knew it, he was sobbing in Ziva’s arms. Ziva was whispering soothingly, soft words, in Hebrew, in English, in Spanish and Italian, in all different languages, rubbing his back. When he was finally done, she wiped his tears away and handed him a handkerchief to blow his nose in.

“I will get you a snack, and then you will take a nap. We will talk later, when you are recovered,” she told him, her voice soft but firm.

Tony hung his head.

She cupped his cheek and lifted it, forcing him to meet her eyes. “It will be OK, Tony,” she told him confidently.

“Yeah?”

“We will figure it out.”

“I can’t tell Gibbs. You can’t either. Promise me!” he gripped her hand tightly.

Ziva sighed and nodded. “I will not tell Gibbs,” she agreed. “Besides, it is you who should tell him about his daughter. Not I.”

Tony sighed, and his eyes started tearing up again.

“But I will not pressure you, my not so little hairy butt,” she grinned and patted his belly. She gave him a peck on the cheek and disappeared, returning soon after with bottles of water and a plate with hummus and pita bread.

Tony ate slowly. He had not been able to eat very much of late, but had instead been snacking multiple times a day, as the baby had grown so much she encroached on his stomach.

“You were already pregnant when we were making plans for us,” Ziva said softly, watching him intently as she sat on the coffee table.

Tony shrugged. “I didn’t know it,” he shook his head. “God, Ziva. I didn’t know I was pregnant then. I was drinking alcohol for months,” he balanced the plate on his belly and covered his face. “I didn’t take care of her, Zee. I was so irresponsible.”

“You did not know,” Ziva said soothingly. “What do the doctors say about her health now?”

“She seems to be perfectly healthy,” he parted his hands and gave her a small grin. “Against all odds, she’s perfect. And believe me, after I found out about her, I took every test they had, so I would be prepared for the consequences.”

Ziva nodded. “Eat,” she urged him. “Other than your belly, you look like a scarecrow.”

Tony glared at her but continued to eat. After he was done, he allowed Ziva to unzip and pull his boots off, and she helped him to a bedroom that was cool. She showed him the attached bathroom, urged him to shower and nap, and when he came out of the shower, he found his backpack on the bed. It was a little stifling in the room and he found himself starting to sweat again. Without putting any clothes on, Tony piled the pillows up and leaned on them, turning onto his left side, not bothering to get under the covers, yawning now. Sleepily, he sang a quiet lullaby to his belly, and halfway through the first verse, he fell asleep.

When he awoke, the unfamiliar room made him look around wildly for a few moments until he realized where he was. He sighed. He was at the Davids’ farmhouse and he’d found Ziva. He wasn’t in one of the numerous hotel rooms and other random places that he’d been sleeping in the past few months. It felt good to be here, finally.

The sun was setting. He’d been asleep a few hours. Groaning, he pushed himself to a sitting position. A thin blanket covered him. Ziva must have covered him while he slept. He drank the bottle of water that Ziva had placed on his night stand. Then he pulled a pair of clean boxers out of his backpack and a semi-clean t-shirt – what? He needed to do laundry, he knew that – and went to pee. He brushed his teeth and padded back out to the living room. Ziva was curled up on the sofa, reading a book.

“Hey,” he greeted her, his voice hoarser than he expected. She looked like a sea of calm and he really needed that.

“Come,” Ziva smiled up at him, putting her book face down carelessly on the coffee table. “I will build your nest again and you can relax here, yes?”

“Thanks, Zee,” his words were heartfelt.

She waved it away, her hands graceful. “It is nothing.” She helped him settle in and placed pillows behind his back in the same position as before. But this time, instead of placing a pillow at Tony’s feet to elevate them, she sat, pulled his feet into her lap and began rubbing them.

Tony was moaning and putty in her hands, and after she was done, he smiled in lazy contentment at her. “Thank you,” he told her.

“I used to rub my aunt’s feet when she was pregnant with my cousin,” Ziva admitted.

“Never thought you’d have to give me the same treatment, huh?” Tony grinned self deprecatingly.

“Do not speak that way about yourself, Tony,” Ziva admonished him. “You are about to be a mother. You must teach your daughter to be strong. Talking down about yourself is not the way to go.”

“I know,” Tony sighed. “Although I’m going to be a father, Ziva. I’m still a man, you know?”

Ziva rolled her eyes. “In Israel, you are a mother, regardless of gender. A mother is much, much more than just someone who carries and bears children. A mother is everything to a child. I did not understand why it was looked at so differently in your country. Even the term ‘carrier’ is disrespectful and takes away from the enormity of what you are going through. You have all the rights of motherhood here,” she told him, her eyes serious. “We do not see a difference in your status as a mother although you a man. Unlike in the US.”

Tony swallowed and nodded. He’d realized that he had been treated far more decently during his travels in the middle east as a pregnant man than he could have expected to be treated in the US.

“So. Why did you come looking for me, when you are so pregnant you might have given birth on the walk here from the train station?” Ziva asked without preamble.

Tony chewed on his bottom lip for a long moment. “You _have_ to go back to NCIS,” he blurted out.

“I do, do I?” she quirked an eyebrow dangerously.

“Well, obviously _I_ can’t go back,” Tony pointed to his belly. “I need someone there I can trust to watch Gibbs’ six.”

“I cannot return,” Ziva said sadly. “I have renounced my old life. I am changing my ways. I want to be different now.”

“You can’t just turn away from your past and pretend like it never happened,” Tony snapped. “Gibbs needs you.”

“Gibbs needs _you_ , Tony,” she said, her smile sad. “He has always needed you. He will always choose you over all else. He chose you over me many times.”

“He doesn’t love me,” Tony frowned. “He’s not capable of it anymore. I wanted it so badly, Zee. I wanted to be his. I really did. But he doesn’t want me to be his and he doesn’t want to be mine. He doesn’t want to be anyone’s but Shannon’s.”

“Is that why you finally took me up on my offer?” Ziva asked.

“We did have feelings for each other,” Tony said defensively.

“But you were pining for Gibbs, and looking to me for comfort?”

“Well, when you put it that way…”

“Tony,” Ziva smiled gently. “I am not trying to make you feel guilty. But you must face the truth. You do not love me, not the way you love Gibbs. And I do not love you in the way that you love Gibbs. Do you think it would have been right for us to be together when neither of us are in love with the other?”

Tony covered his face and sighed. “I wasn’t thinking straight I guess,” he mumbled. “He just turned away from me, Zee. He gave me no warning. I don’t know why I expected anything from him other than what he is, but…” he broke off. “There is no future for me or the baby with Gibbs. He’s made that perfectly clear.”

Ziva sighed. “Well, even if you are not pursuing a relationship with Gibbs, you should at least tell him about the baby.”

Tony grimaced. “I’ve gone backwards and forwards and changed my mind a million times, Zee. But at the end of the day, I don’t think I can take it if he rejects our daughter, or if he doesn’t but accepts her only out of responsibility. Children know these things. I won’t let my daughter ever feel like a parent has rejected her. _Never_.” He spat out.

“He might not reject her. Or think of her as a responsibility?”

“I can’t take that chance,” Tony said firmly. “My kid will be loved and will know love. My kid won’t grow up to be as fucked up as I am.”

“Tony,” Ziva sighed and took his hand. “You are not fucked up.”

“Sure I am, Ziva. I just hide it well,” Tony shrugged.

Ziva nodded, knowing the truth of those words. She was no stranger to having parental issues. “Well. Then, what do you propose to do, since I am definitely not going back to NCIS? I cannot break my vow without even giving my new life a chance.”

Tony threw up his hands. “I don’t know! My plan was, make you see reason, have you go back to Gibbs, and I’ll quit and go have the baby and raise her by myself in some quiet place where no one will ever find us.”

“And I thought you are the one who said that you cannot ‘turn away from your past and pretend like it never happened’?” Ziva made the air quotes with her fingers.

“Don’t do that, that’s so uncool,” Tony flicked her hand.

“Stop deflecting.”

“I know what I said. But I have a real reason to hide now. I’m going to have a baby, Zee. Next week!”

“It is not a good enough reason to hide away. You’re depriving her of a second parent. Gibbs should know about her.”

“I don’t _want_ Gibbs to know about her. I already told you my reasons. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

They glared at each other. Stalemate. And then Tony groaned, pressing a hand to his round belly. The baby had viciously kicked him in the ribs again.

“Fuck!” he growled. “This kid is definitely Gibbs’ because she’s already drop kicking me and she hasn’t even been born yet!”

“Let us calm down, yes?” Ziva said, her tone soothing. “Tomorrow, you will let me explain my reasons in detail and show you some things. For tonight, I should probably feed you some more and then you should go to bed. You still look like death warmed up.”

“Over,” Tony corrected her. “Death warmed over. And thanks. What a swell way to not make a pregnant guy cry, by telling him he looks like shit.”

“You are always beautiful, Tony. You know that,” Ziva teased him.

“Oh, fuck you,” Tony pouted.

“You are even more beautiful like this,” she smiled, and this time she wasn’t teasing. “It is Gibbs’ loss to not see you big with his child. You glow, Tony. Even through all this, you are glowing.”

Tony couldn’t help it. His eyes welled up again. “Stop making me cry, you fucking Mossad interrogator you,” he grumbled, sniffling a little. “Goddamned hormones. I’m the one who’s gonna kill you with a paper clip, you peace loving ex-ninja assassin.”

“I only speak truth. You are my friend, first and foremost. We have watched each other’s sixes for too many years for you to not know when I am telling you the truth.”

Tony clutched at her hand, nodding silently, pressing his lips firmly together to stop them from wobbling. When he had regained control of his emotions, Ziva gently put his feet back on the floor, stood, and helped him up. She gave him a tour of the farmhouse, showing him everything, including her parents’ bedroom.

“I was born on this bed,” she said, smiling sadly. “My sister was, too. My father was born in this house, but I do not believe this bed is old enough to have been the bed he was born on.”

“Good to know,” Tony raised his eyebrows, grinning at her.

They ended up in the kitchen and sat at the table, eating quietly. Ziva was still watching him closely. “You are not eating much, Tony,” she said, concerned.

“Baby’s too big. I can’t fit much else in there.”

“Do you need smaller meals but more of them throughout the day?”

Tony nodded.

“There is hummus and tabbouleh in the refrigerator,” Ziva told him. “Also, I keep the pita bread in that,” she pointed to a container on the counter. “And feel free to look through the cupboards. I did bring some American cereals with me. For when I get nostalgic.”

“The only kind of cereal I’m eating these days is raisin bran,” Tony groused. “The baby is messing everything up in here. I’m like a fucking eighty year old, I can’t get around real well, standing up is a challenge, I need my roughage or I’m in trouble, and I pee like eight hundred times a day.”

Ziva giggled. “I believe I may have raisin bran!” she laughed. “I actually like it.”

“I remember,” Tony rolled his eyes at her.

“If you get hungry in the middle of the night, please eat. What is mine is yours.”

“Fuck, Zee,” Tony sighed, covering his face with his hand. “You’re too good to me.”

“You are the only one who would have found me. You will tell me more about how you did this tomorrow, yes?”

Tony nodded. They ate in companionable silence, and afterwards, Tony sat while Ziva bustled around the kitchen, washing the dishes by hand. They settled back in the living room, Tony pulling his laptop from his backpack and checking his emails, and Ziva going back to her book.

“Gibbs wants to talk to me tomorrow,” Tony sighed. “I bet Vance will be there too.”

“They must want you to return.”

“I’m not going to,” Tony insisted. “Not like _this_. After that, I’ll be too busy raising her, being a single parent to work the kind of hours Gibbs expects me to work.”

“Are you going to tell them you found me?”

“I don’t know. Probably not. Not fair for me to tell on you when I don’t want to go back either.”

Ziva stared at him for a long moment. “Very well. I think you are stressing yourself and the baby out now.”

Tony snorted a reply.

“I will read to you and her. Have you chosen a name for her?”

Tony shook his head.

“Be quiet and settle in. Put your laptop away. I will read to you both, and afterwards if you are good, I will rub your feet again.”

Tony actually whined in anticipation of the foot rub and obediently put the laptop aside. Ziva pulled his feet back into her lap.

“Whatcha reading?” he asked.

“Don Quixote,” she said placidly, flipping the pages of the book. “I shall start from the beginning.”

Her soft voice began, and Tony listened as she read. It was in the original seventeenth century Spanish, and Tony hadn’t read this version in a few years, so he paid attention, smiling softly and rubbing his belly. Ziva read the annotations as they went along, and Tony let out a long breath and relaxed. They spent a quiet evening with Ziva reading aloud, and for the first time in a long time, Tony felt at peace.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No new hidden tags and no warnings for this chapter.
> 
> Major spoilers for s11e02 Past, Present and Future. Like in the first chapter, I've edited, tweaked, messed with the order of lines and scenes, but I did also appropriate a lot of the dialogue of that episode in this chapter. And like in the first chapter, rather than keep messing with all the different lines to define which are mine, which aren't, which I messed with, etc., I will instead point you directly to [the script of the episode](http://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=193&t=11994) and you can go ahead and do a compare and contrast if you so desire. :D

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

Tony blinked awake at the gentle hands shaking his shoulder, and pouted groggily as Ziva pulled his not inconsiderable bulk off the couch and led him to the guest room. She pushed him into the bathroom, and when he came out – he did have to pee – she herded him into bed, and pulled the covers over him. He was exhausted, his feet hurt and his back hurt from the walk from the train station, and Ziva pushed a glass of water into his hand, waited for him to drink it, and helped him settle in. She had piled the pillows up the way he liked it, and helped him get comfortable, already figuring out that he didn’t want to be lying down flat. He turned on his side on the pillows, eyes already closing, and before he fell asleep again, he felt Ziva gently running her fingers through his hair and down his face. He smiled sleepily.

“Sleep, my little hairy butt,” she said softly.

He mumbled something unintelligible, closed his eyes and sighed.

“I will keep you and your daughter safe,” he heard Ziva say in Hebrew – he’d been picking up Hebrew and Arabic on his recent travels through the middle east. He thought he felt her kiss his cheek but he couldn’t be sure. He really was way too tired to keep track. For the first time in a long time, Tony fell asleep quickly and was suffused with a feeling of security, slipping into a deep sleep instead of the usual fitful doze of the past several months.

He awoke a few hours later, desperately needing to pee and equally as desperate at not wanting to move from his comfortable position. Being pregnant had a lot of downsides, one of which was the inability to settle down comfortably, and another was the inevitable need to empty his bladder the moment he found a position that he could finally relax in. But he had had a few hours of sound sleep, which was better than he’d been managing in the last couple of nomadic months hunting after Ziva, so he struggled to get to his feet and lumbered to the bathroom to relieve himself. Afterwards, he tried to settle back into the bed but couldn’t seem to find a good position, and he was also kind of hungry so he ended up shuffling into the kitchen, getting himself a snack – Ziva did have raisin bran cereal and he helped himself to a bowl of it – and then settling back down on the couch. Ziva had left his nest intact so all he had to do was place an extra pillow where she had sat so he could keep his poor, still-swollen feet elevated, and he grabbed Ziva’s copy of Don Quixote and settled in to read.

In the morning, Ziva’s hand on his shoulder made him almost jump out of his skin. He’d fallen back to sleep on the couch. The book was face down on his huge belly.

“Why are you not in bed?” Ziva asked him.

He shrugged. “I have to get up several times a night to pee,” he made a face. “Speaking of…”

The Israeli woman held out her hand and helped pull him to his feet. Tony swayed a little as he struggled to find his balance and get blood circulating back to his feet normally. Ziva kept her hand on Tony’s elbow and put an arm around him.

“Come, let me help you,” she said, and together they walked to Tony’s bedroom. When Tony had been safely delivered to the bathroom, she yelled out that she was going to make breakfast and that Tony should come out whenever he wanted to eat. Tony took a long, cool shower and changed, before emerging from the room, carrying his backpack.

“You need to do laundry?” Ziva asked him.

Tony made a face. “I’ve been too busy running around chasing after you,” he said softly.

She smiled, her face brightening. “It is no trouble. Leave it on the floor and I will take care of it.”

“I can do it.”

“Tony,” Ziva’s rebuke was gentle, and she shook her head, her smile turning wry. “Please. Let me help you a little bit.”

Green eyes looked at her, filled with guilt.

The ex-Mossad agent padded over on light dancer’s feet. She took the backpack from the pregnant man and gave his belly an affectionate pat. “Do not feel bad,” she said, her tone gentle. “I promised you things will be OK. There are not many things I can do for you right now, but laundry, that I can do.”

Tony sighed and nodded.

“Sit,” Ziva guided him to a chair and kept her hand on his arm as he grunted and settled down, carefully stretching his back, one hand going to the persistent aching spot on his back and rubbing it.

Ziva took the backpack away and when she came back, she dished out vegetable omelet and potato pancakes for them both. Tony poured himself water and nodded when she offered him orange juice. She squeezed his shoulder every time she walked past him, the movement grounding him and calming him for some odd reason. It had been a long, lonely few months, and he’d received very few human touches. The odd stranger patting his pregnant belly, and the clinical touches from the doctors he’d seen. It was comforting to feel Ziva’s touch, the touch of someone who knew him and knew him well. And even though nothing had been decided or planned, it was a relief not to carry the weight of the baby all by himself any more.

After they ate, he and Ziva walked around outside for a little, Ziva insisting he get a little exercise before it got too hot, resting in the shade when Tony tired, and then they settled back down on the couch, Tony’s feet in Ziva’s lap. The baby was actively moving around, and Ziva talked Tony into pulling up his shirt so she could watch his rippling belly, ripe, round, skin stretched taut, and feel the baby with her hands. She talked to Tony’s belly and put her face down to feel the baby’s movements against it, laughing and gasping in wonder at what she was feeling. Her dark eyes shone and twinkled in open happiness, something Tony had rarely ever seen from the former operative. Her enthusiasm was infectious, and Tony found himself looking forward to meeting his daughter.

When the baby finally settled down and his belly stopped moving, Ziva sighed and smiled at him. “I envy you,” she said softly. “A baby. What a beautiful gift.”

Tony’s eyes prickled with tears again. “Don’t make me cry again,” gruffly, he kicked her arm.

Ziva’s smiled widened. “Yes, yes, I know the hormones,” she said, although her eyes were damp too.

After a long, comfortable silence, she gave him a quiet look. “Perhaps we should discuss why you are here, Tony?” she said carefully.

“Ugh,” Tony pouted. “Do we have to?”

Ziva gave him a stern look and he nodded.

“Fine. So. Obviously, I can’t go back to NCIS,” Tony sighed, rubbing the stretched skin of his belly, moving carefully to stretch his back a little.

“I still believe you should tell Gibbs,” Ziva was serious.

“I know. But I can’t take that risk. The baby is too important. Ziva, this is my _daughter_ ,” Tony said, his green eyes intense.

“She is Gibbs’ daughter as well, is she not?”

“Well, I know _I’m_ going to love her to death, whatever happens. I already love her more than I’ve ever loved anything else in the world and she hasn’t even been born yet! But, I can’t say the same for Gibbs,” Tony’s bottom lip started to wobble and the baby began moving around again, as if she could sense Tony’s emotions. “Goddammit.”

“Shhh,” Ziva put one hand over Tony’s and together they rubbed his belly, soothing both him and the baby.

“Can you go get the evidence bag on my side table?” Tony asked Ziva.

She gave him a quizzical look.

“It will pertain to our discussion,” he assured her.

Nodding, she slid out from under Tony’s feet and padded away, returning almost immediately. Her eyes were wide with surprise as she looked at the piece of paper.

“How did you get this?” she asked him.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Investigator, remember?” he snarked.

The corner of Ziva’s mouth turned up a little and she nodded before she sat back down, pulling Tony’s feet back into her lap. “I did not want you to find me, and yet you did,” she said softly, eyes still on the paper.

“I had to.”

“You did not have to do any of this.”

“I needed to find you. Someone needs to go back to NCIS and watch Gibbs’ six,” Tony said sadly. “I’m not there to do it anymore, and I can’t go back. I can’t face him like this.”

Ziva sighed. “How _did_ you find me? You said you would explain everything.”

Tony nodded. “For a long time, I was looking ahead. I kept telling myself, ‘you know how she thinks’. ‘You know her’. ‘All you have to do is anticipate her next move’.” He pursed his lips. “And then one night, I had a dream. Everything was lined up together. Your family’s safe house, Ari’s picture, your old friend Bashan. And when I woke up, I knew. You weren’t looking ahead. You were looking back.”

Ziva nodded, giving him an admiring grin for figuring it out. Figuring her out. She’d always underestimated his investigative abilities, probably because he was careful to hide so much of himself. Even after they’d worked together for years, he was still very much a mystery to her.

“I tracked you back to Amman, where your mother was killed,” Tony continued. “And then, your grandparents’ graves in Meron. The opera house in Cairo where you took Tali. And finally, I found you here. Of course! The house where you were born.”

“After my father died, returning to these places seemed… necessary,” Ziva started to explain. “It started off as a good thing, but then I saw Deena Bashan, and…”

“This can’t all be because of her!”

“No, Tony. It’s not because of her,” her tone was immeasurably sad. “It’s because of _me_.”

“You had to kill Ari. One person loving him doesn’t change the fact that he was dangerous and out of control.”

“Yes, but I loved him, too,” Ziva’s brown eyes filled with tears. “Just as I loved my father and my mother, and Tali.”

“Your father brought this upon his own family,” Tony said quietly. “He manipulated you, he manipulated Ari, he manipulated everyone.”

“I know, Tony, but he was still my father. And Ari was still my brother.”

Tony sighed and rubbed Ziva’s hand. “I know,” he said quietly.

“How can I not think that for every man I killed, there is someone out there crying for him?”

“It’s part of the job. You’ve got to leave it at that.”

“Deena blamed me. The center of all this pain is me.”

“Ziva, this isn’t you.”

“This _is_ me, Tony. This is what I made of myself. But it’s not who I wanted to be.”

“I know,” Tony sighed. He pointed to the line. “You wanted to be a ballerina.”

Ziva closed her eyes, mourning the little girl that she used to be. Tony could see that she was thinking of Ari, and of the life he could have shared with their old friend Deena Bashan, had she not been the one to take his life. Of all of the death and violence that she had personally brought into the world. Of the need to atone. He sighed, his heart falling. Looking at her, at the naked pain in Ziva’s face, he knew that he couldn’t make her go back to NCIS. Not even for his daughter. He couldn’t make Ziva go back to the life that she never wanted, that had been thrust upon her by her father when she was still a child. He would have to find a different way to leave NCIS and still keep Gibbs safe.

“This little girl was strong,” Tony squeezed her hand. “She could’ve walked away from her father’s world.”

“Things would have been different.”

“It’s never too late.”

“Yes it is,” Ziva sighed.

“This is the house you were born in. The universe is practically begging you to wipe the slate clean.”

Ziva gave him a small smile. “You agree then, I cannot return to NCIS.”

Tony sighed and nodded. He took the evidence bag and flipped it. “I did notice that there’s plenty of room on the back of this list… to start a new one.”

Ziva’s smile widened, hope in her eyes. “Maybe you can help me with that?”

Tony smiled back, and nodded. “We better do it quick though. I’m planning to go back to Tel Aviv before next week. I have a doctor and a hospital all lined up for the baby’s big debut.”

Ziva laughed. “I will come with you.”

“Ziva… It’s probably not a good idea to get you back on the radar. The team is still looking for Parsa. Orli’s looking for you, too.”

“I have made my decision,” she said simply. “You will not be alone in this. I will come with you.”

They sat there, holding hands, smiling at each other, until Tony groaned. “Fuck, Zee,” he grumbled. “Help me up. I gotta pee.”

Ziva snorted and stood, playfully making grunting noises, pretending that he was too heavy, as she helped to pull him up.

“Just wait till one day it’s your turn to be this pregnant and it’s so fucking hot out,” he groused. “We’ll see who’s laughing then.”

“Go pee before you wet yourself!” Ziva teased back.

When Tony came back, Ziva had glasses of cold lemonade set out and food to snack on. They sat in comfortable silence and ate and drank.

“I still don’t know what the hell I’m going to do though,” Tony sighed. “McGee’s not ready to be the Senior Field Agent. He thinks he is, but he’s too used to having me around to save his ass. I need him to be competent, and to be fluent in Gibbs, to be able to anticipate Gibbs’ moves, counter them, or support them as appropriate. He needs to be able to stand up to the man when it’s needed. I just don’t see that right now,” he blew out a frustrated breath. “He’d let Gibbs steamroll right over him and get them both killed, instead of knowing when and how to stand against Gibbs, or go around him if there’s no other way.”

“You are not responsible for Gibbs’ safety for the rest of your life, Tony,” Ziva was gentle.

“I know…”

She stared at him for a long moment. “But you cannot help it.”

Tony raised a shoulder in a tired shrug.

“Because even after all this, you still love him. Still in love with him.”

He closed his eyes, hearing the words, as if proclaiming a prison sentence. He did still love Gibbs, even though he was going to do his damnedest to hide the existence of their child from him.

“It is not a sin to love,” Ziva’s tone was soothing.

“I can’t go back,” he sighed. “Certainly not like this, and I can’t just bring my newborn daughter back with me and be able to hide her from him. Not at NCIS.”

“So you find a different job,” Ziva said.

“That’s not the problem. The problem is I would be leaving Gibbs high and dry,” he rubbed his face. “With only McGee as backup. I may not want him in my daughter’s life, but I can’t be responsible for him dying on the job because I left him with no backup.”

Ziva made a face, but she nodded. “Perhaps you can find a replacement for you? Someone new for the team?”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” he shook his head. “I have a list of people that I think are competent, and I have a list of people that I think will be able to get along with Gibbs and be able to handle him. Unfortunately, only you and Fornell are the only ones who appear on both lists.”

Ziva frowned. “Show me.”

They went over the list on Tony’s laptop and talked through all the candidates, added a few, took out a few. But it still didn’t look promising.

“We will solve this problem later,” Ziva said firmly when she saw that Tony was getting distraught. “We are not stressing you or the baby out anymore.”

Tony shook his head. “I can’t stop stressing until I figure something out! If only I had a little more time. I could really train McGee to take my place so I can leave without feeling bad about it. I’ll whip that little Elf Lord into shape, then it won’t matter who else is on the team. I’d be able to leave with a clear conscience.”

Ziva hugged him, pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, and patted his belly. “Come. It is time for your afternoon nap.”

“I’m not a child,” Tony snapped. “I don’t need to be managed.”

“You are still exhausted from your months of worry and travel and your extremely late-term pregnancy,” she said calmly. “We will have a small snack in the kitchen, and then you can take a nap. Afterwards, if you like, I will read to you some more. Or you can continue yelling at me then. Whichever you prefer.”

Tony was muttering about smartass bossy ex-ninjas as he was herded into the kitchen for a snack, more lemonade, and then he was back on his bed on his other nest of pillows, Ziva helping him settle in, and damn the woman, he fell asleep almost right away. When he awoke, he took another shower to wash off the sweat, and their second night together passed pretty much the same way as the first one. A quiet dinner together, then they retired to the couch and Ziva picked up Don Quixote where they’d left off the previous night.

The next two days went by in much the same way, with Ziva and Tony spending time quietly, taking walks in the mornings and the evenings, with Ziva ensuring that Tony ate and rested. They worked on Ziva’s new “Wills” and then Tony helped her bury it in the olive grove by the farmhouse. And by helped, it meant that he stood, bearing witness, holding on to an olive tree while Ziva dug a hole aand buried her updated list of “Wills”. Asking an almost 40-week pregnant man to kneel on the ground and dig in August in the desert, well, it wasn’t going to happen. Tony was sure he wouldn’t be able to get back on his feet if that happened. Not that Ziva would have allowed it. He’d had to force her not to bring a chair for him to sit on while she buried the list. All the shaded nooks along their ‘usual’ walking path already had chairs ready for him to rest in since they started walking together to keep Tony gently active.

[](https://i.imgur.com/YnrjwZS.png)

Tony couldn’t deny it. It was really nice. For the first time in his life, Tony felt as if he was genuinely being cared for, not because Ziva wanted to get in his pants or was trying to get on his good side in order to learn his secrets and then betray him. She was just genuinely being a friend. For the first time since they met, they stopped sniping at each other, and their flirtations became much friendlier and much less hurtful and intense. They were still flirting because Tony was a natural flirt, and Ziva enjoyed it as well. But they stayed away from the more serious topic of what Tony was going to do after his daughter was born, at least for the time being. Tony knew he couldn’t hide from it forever, but more immediate was the impending birth of his daughter, and having Ziva around to spoil him allowed him to focus on that instead of his other issues.

Tony was still feeling beat up from the long walk from the train station to the farmhouse. His feet stayed sore and swollen even though Ziva continued to rub his feet, and his backache was really persistent, but despite that, he was actually feeling more rested and calm, much more so than when he had first realized that he was pregnant. His due date was fast approaching. They decided that they would return to Tel Aviv in the next day or so, and Tony would be able to hopefully complete the last minute preparations for the birth there. Ziva stayed firm with her decision to accompany Tony and be his birthing partner. Even though he protested it, he couldn’t help but be secretly relieved that he wouldn’t have to go through it alone. He had great doctors, sure, but having someone who was truly in his corner was already helping his mindset.

Now if he could only find a comfortable way of sitting or standing or lying down. His back was truly killing him and nothing he did was helping. He sternly told himself off for walking six miles in the summer desert heat when he was so close to his due date, and swore that next time he would do much better. Which made him kick himself again. As if there would ever be a _next_ time. This baby was his one chance at procreation because hell if he was ever going to be with anyone else after she was born, being a single dad, hiding from Gibbs, and all. He kept rubbing his back and taking hot showers, which only made him hot and sweaty, although it did somewhat relieve his backache.

They were planning to catch the afternoon train back to Tel Aviv that day. He stomped around the house, picking up his things and trying to pack, until Ziva took his hand and made him sit down. He wasn’t able stop himself from groaning as he sat, and both hands went to his back, kneading it.

“Tony,” Ziva’s tone was gentle. “You seem quite grumpy today.”

“I’m just uncomfortable,” he whined. “I’m so done with being pregnant. It’s so hot. I can’t move around and I’m so sweaty and achy.”

“Shhh,” Ziva smiled, patting him. “Why don’t we take the evening train instead of the afternoon train? Perhaps traveling at night when it is not so hot will make you less grumpy?”

Tony sighed in relief, and nodded.

“Come, let me help you settle in for a short nap, yes?”

“I’m _always_ napping,” Tony pouted. “I’m such a baby.”

“You are pregnant,” Ziva said simply.

“ _You are pregnant_ ,” Tony mimicked her, pitching his voice high and mocking.

“That is the Tony that I know and love,” Ziva grinned. “Come, bathroom and then bed. Do you want me to rub your feet or your back?”

“Fuck, Ziva, I fucking love you,” Tony breathed, allowing her to help him up. “My back is still really messed up from that long walk.”

“I am sorry I put you through that,” Ziva looked sad.

Tony brushed it away. “I made my own decisions,” he rolled his eyes. “It’s my own damned fault. Now my back is paying for it.”

Ziva helped him settled down on his side, and then the baby moved around, making Tony grunt. Big movements were rare these days, and if it did happen it seemed to always jar him. And then the kicking started up. His ribs would never be the same again.

Ziva sat on her heels behind him and began massaging his back, her fingers strong and nimble, making him moan and gasp. She stopped to talk to the baby, rubbing Tony’s belly wherever she felt the baby move and kick. Finally she moved away. “How’s your back now?”

“Better,” Tony moaned softly, eyes closed. “Magic. Where were you the last three months of my life?” he complained.

“I’m here now, Tony,” her words were gentle but firm. “Do you want me to rub your feet, too?”

His eyes fluttered open in surprise. “Really? You don’t mind?”

Ziva laughed. “It’s been very quiet by myself, Tony. And I have been so alone. It is nice to have you here, and be able to spoil you after you have gone to so much trouble finding me.”

Tony grinned, dimples flashing. “Then, far be it for me to stop you! If you’re sure you don’t mind, I would love it if you rubbed my feet, too.”

He fell asleep ten minutes into Ziva’s ministrations. She smiled at him, covered him with a blanket, and left the room, placing a bottle of water on his side table for his convenience.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, if you've been following along with the story, I'm sure this is not going to come as a surprise ;) so I'm putting the missing tag/warning right up here, up front. Yes?
> 
> * Graphic descriptions of labor

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

A couple of hours later Ziva heard him call out to her from his room. She knocked on his door and peeked in. “Tony?” she called out softly.

“Zee,” Tony sounded breathless and urgent.

She burst in and saw that he was in the exact same position she had left him in, but the covers had been thrown off. “Are you all right?” she asked, concerned, taking in the t-shirt that was sticking to him, soaked with sweat, and the pinched crease between his eyebrows.

“I have to pee and I just can’t seem to get myself up,” he tried to keep his voice level, but she could hear the note of pain in his voice. “Help? Please?”

“You look even more tired than you did before your nap, Tony,” she was by his side in a flash, helping him sit up. “Did you even take a nap?”

“I just woke up,” Tony grumbled, kneading his back and breathing hard. “But yeah, I’m feeling pretty crappy. Today’s just a bad day I guess. Fuck, Zee. I’m so fucking _done_ with this shit!” He groaned and bent over his belly, breathing hard for a moment.

“Is it your back again?” her tone was sympathetic.

Tony nodded, trying not to grunt with pain. After a minute he sighed. “OK. It’s letting up now,” he sighed. “Help me up?”

Wordlessly, Ziva pulled him to his feet and he stumbled a little on the way to the bathroom, swatting her hand away as she tried to help him there. “’M not an invalid,” he complained.

When he opened the bathroom door again, his hand was kneading his back, and he was frowning and sweating again.

“Shall I turn the shower on for you?”

He shook his head, swallowing a pained grunt.

“Are you worried about balancing in the shower?” Ziva always was perceptive.

Tony shrugged, still breathing hard. Finally his back unlocked a little and he breathed out, relieved. “Yeah. And I don’t know if I want a cool shower to wash off all this sweat, or a hot one to soothe my back.”

“Let me come in the shower with you to ensure you do not fall,” Ziva offered.

Tony glared at her. Yeah. He did not need Ziva in the shower with him where he could squash her with his weight if he slipped. No way.

“Or what if I put a stool in there?” she backtracked, seeing his expression.

Tony blew out an angry breath before he nodded. He didn’t want to show so much weakness in front of anyone but god, the idea of having hot water pounding on his back sounded really good.

“You could sit down and take a hot shower and let the water soothe your back, and then I can turn the water to cool when you’re ready and that will help cool you down and get you less sweaty?” she suggested.

Tony sighed and nodded because that just sounded heavenly. Everything he could want. “OK,” he said, trying not to sound too begrudging.

“One moment. I will get a stool.”

Before long, Tony found himself undressed and sitting with his back to the spray, and Ziva had somehow engineered it that she was just outside the shower curtains, giving his back a massage, uncaring that she was getting wet. The backache was coming and going sporadically and although the hot water and the massage was helping, Tony was gritting his teeth at the pain. Finally he’d had enough and was getting too hot, so Ziva turned the water cool and he rinsed off, allowing Ziva to help him out of the shower and even standing still while she toweled him dry. He couldn’t find it in himself to be bothered that he was completely naked in front of him.

Ziva was frowning thoughtfully at him.

“Perhaps we should drive to Tel Aviv,” she said carefully. “You are not yourself today.”

“I’m just grumpy and in pain today,” Tony sighed. “Sitting for five hours in a car with your driving on a bumpy ass road is only going to make me grumpier.”

“We do not have a hospital nearby.”

“Duh. Yeah. I remember. Middle of nowhere,” Tony found himself widening his stance. He had been carrying the baby high but today he felt as if she was weighing him down. “Stop ogling my sexy pregnant ass and let me get dressed so we can go catch that train. At least I’ll be able to walk around on the train and not be stuck sitting down. It’ll be fine. I’ll suck it up.”

Ziva looked like she had more to say but she just nodded and helped him back to the bedroom. As she pulled a clean t-shirt out of his backpack and boxers, she turned to him. “Backaches may also be a sign of labor,” she finally blurted out, handing the clothes to him.

“I’m not in labor,” Tony snorted, sitting down and awkwardly pulling on his boxers. “I think I’d know if I were in labor.”

“Your backache is coming and going, is it not?” Like contractions, was what she was implying.

“I’ve had this backache for the last four months, Zee. It’s nothing new,” he grunted and crawled onto the bed on his hands and knees. “It’s just a little more aggressive right now.”

“How long has it been… ‘aggressive’?”

“I don’t know. Since yesterday, I guess. Kept me up most of the night. And today’s just a bad – ugh – bad day,” Tony groaned as he rolled his hips and breathed through the ache.

Ziva bit her lip. “Perhaps you should call your doctor?”

Tony closed his eyes and groaned until the pain let go, and then he looked up, into Ziva’s dark eyes and nodded. “OK,” he conceded.

Ziva practically dived for his phone and handed it to him. Tony called his obgyn in Tel Aviv and talked for a few minutes, trying to suppress his grunts of pain during the conversation. He finally hung up.

“Well?” Ziva demanded.

“They think that it _may_ be labor,” Tony bit out, throwing his phone on the side table and holding his hand out. Ziva automatically took it and pulled him to his feet.

“Should you not be lying down?”

“I need to walk around before my back locks up even more,” he stood, feet wide apart, hands on his back. He was shirtless and Ziva could see his belly ripple as he grunted with pain.

“What does your doctor want you to do?”

“Time the pains and see if they’re at regular intervals,” Tony gave a small gasp of pain.

“It hasn’t been very long since you had a pain!”

“Shut up. I’m not in labor, Zee.”

“I’m packing the car. We can make it to Tel Aviv in four hours. Three and a half if I drive creatively,” She grabbed Tony’s backpack, and rushed out, and he sighed as he started to walk and keep an eye on his watch.

Three minutes later the backache was back and Tony found himself bending over, hands on his knees, breathing through it. The ache was intense for over a minute before it let up. He straightened up and kept walking, a slow, shuffling walk. His belly seemed to be hanging down really far right now and making it difficult to balance but he continued to walk down the hallway, past the living room. He eyed his nest on the couch and wondered if he should sit and then he was bent over, awash with pain again. He checked his watch. Less than three minutes since the last time. He couldn’t help but give in to the pain and groan softly with it, even as he tried to fight the rising panic.

Shit. The back pains were coming way too regularly, and way too quickly. He had to be in labor. And pretty advanced labor, too, by the time between the contractions. Because at this point, the back pain had to be contractions. The reality of the situation would have been overwhelming had he not been in so much pain.

When the contraction was over, he sighed with relief, straightening up and kneading his back. He needed to keep walking, so he kept moving. Slowly, keeping one hand on a wall for support as he walked. He paced through the kitchen and back to the living room before another contraction came. Even more painful than the last, if that was at all possible. He whimpered softly, bending over, hands on knees, feet wide apart, gritting his teeth and panting through the pain.

Ziva came running back then, drawing in a sharp breath as she watched him. She put a hand on his back and he reached out and grabbed her arm as he tried to hold back the pained cries.

“You are in labor,” she declared when he breathed out softly, the contraction releasing.

He straightened up and nodded.

“What else did your doctor say?”

“To come to the hospital when the contractions are five minutes apart. Or if they last a minute long.”

“How far apart are they?”

“Maybe two and a half minutes or so?”

“And how long do they last?”

“Over a minute.”

“ _Tony!_ ” she yelled.

“I _know!_ ” he yelled back.

“We are not going to make it to Tel Aviv,” Ziva growled.

“Yeah. I got that part,” he barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“There is a hospital perhaps two hours away by car. It’s not the greatest but they will have doctors.”

“I don’t know if I’ll make it two hours at the rate this is going now. Oh shit, _owww_ ,” he bent over, one hand on a knee, the other blindly clutching at Ziva’s arm again, breathing hard, panting, this time unable to stop moaning through the pain.

“That was maybe two minutes from your last one!” There was an edge of panic to Ziva’s voice.

Tony ignored her, wondering how the hell he had missed the fact that he had been in labor for at least twenty four hours. He’d completely dismissed the back pains as his usual. But now he couldn’t dismiss them anymore. They hurt like a bitch.

Finally the pain eased up and he released the breath he’d been holding and panted to catch his breath.

“Come, you should lie down,” Ziva grabbed his elbow.

“Can’t,” he shook his head. “Lying down made it worse. I need to walk. I need to be on my feet for a while.”

Ziva looked deep into his eyes before she nodded. She put an arm around Tony’s waist and helped him shuffle around the house. He bent over, clutching his belly at the next contraction. The pain was spreading, from his back to his front now. Ziva rubbed his back through the pain, whispering reassurances that deep in the pain of the contraction, Tony couldn’t bring himself to believe. When he was able to straighten up again, she propped him up against a wall.

“I will run and get your phone.” She was back in a flash, dialing his doctor. “Tell your doctor I need some instructions.”

“Have you never helped to deliver a baby?” he asked, surprised.

She shook her head. “It is not what Mossad trained me to do. I _took_ lives, Tony,” she bit her lip. “Why? Have you?”

“Helped deliver three babies over my years as a cop,” Tony grinned. The call went through and he asked his doctor to talk to Ziva.

There was a huge flurry of Hebrew that Tony ignored as he bent over and tried to stop himself from screaming. The pain was escalating. His back was on fire, and his belly was killing him. He moaned and panted before he held his breath. Oh god. The pain! A strangled scream escaped his throat as his muscles clenched and the pain took over everything. He leaned his shoulders heavily against the wall, letting it hold him up as he gripped his belly and held in his screams.

When it was finally over he opened his eyes and began shuffling along the wall. He _needed_ to keep moving. He didn’t really understand it. He took little steps until his next contraction. He leaned against the wall again, the pain gripping him like an animal, biting down and refusing to let go. He screamed that time, swearing as pressure built and built inside him.

Ziva was holding his arm when he let out a soft breath of relief.

“It will not be long now, your doctor says,” she said grimly. “We will definitely not make it to the nearest hospital at the rate you are progressing.”

“Mm-hmm,” Tony agreed, wiping sweat off his face. His feet started moving again and Ziva wrapped an arm around his waist and helped him walk some more. “Sorry about this, Zee,” he apologized. “Didn’t mean to crash your party, force you out of seclusion, and then be a midwife too.”

Ziva snorted with laughter. “You always said to go big or go home,” she observed.

Tony chuckled tiredly. They paced through the house, stopping when Tony bent over and grunted through the pains. Contractions were coming hard and fast now, and Tony was barely aware of where they were. He and Ziva were face to face now, his forehead on her shoulder, arms around her, and they moved back and forth, swaying through his contractions. He barely got a chance to catch his breath before the next one was upon him, and he gritted his teeth and groaned. He didn’t know how long this went on and how many times he clenched his fists on Ziva’s shirt as he tried not to scream through the pain.

“Let it out,” Ziva told him. “Make whatever noise you need to if it helps.”

“Shut up,” he snapped before he whimpered in pain. “Oww…” he moaned, holding tight to Ziva’s shirt.

“You are doing so well,” Ziva soothed him, her hand on his cheek, and they swayed from side to side, his belly hardening with each contraction in between them.

[](https://i.imgur.com/UQnWP1M.png)

Tony widened his stance even more, feeling something pop inside him. “Oh, _unghhh_ ,” he strained a little before his boxers were wet and liquid was gushing between his legs and dripping down onto the floor, releasing a little of the pressure inside him. He straightened up and panted, staring with wide, scared eyes at Ziva.

“I believe your waters have broken,” she said calmly. She put a hand on his cheek and smiled. “Your daughter will be with us soon.”

He took big gulping breaths and allowed Ziva to help him lean against the wall. She ran off and came back with towels in a flash, stripping his boxers off efficiently, and drying his legs and mopping the pool on the floor.

“Clear liquid is a good sign,” she said approvingly. “Your doctor said so. I think I should probably check you to see how far you are dilated.”

“Unh-unh,” Tony shook his head. “No you’re not. You’re not checking _anything_.”

Ziva laughed. “ _Now_ you’re shy?” she rolled her eyes. “We have had sex before, Tony. I have had my hands and my mouth on all of your parts. Even this one.”

“That’s sex. This is…”

“This is even more important!” she grabbed his arm, eyes bright with joy. “You are having a baby!”

“Yeah, yeah, I got that part.”

“Come.” She pushed him gently down on a bed.

“I can’t be on my back,” he whined.

“Hands and knees then.” She helped him turn over onto all fours on the bed.

“Kinky, Zee. You always were one kinky fucker. Oh fuck, _nnnnnghhhhhh_ ,” Tony buried his face in the mattress, knees wide apart. This next contraction was the fucking worse one yet. His belly was smaller and harder and there was absolutely no cushion now that his amniotic sac had ruptured. He was being torn up from the inside out. He screamed as the pain overtook him. He couldn’t keep it in this time. This was most definitely labor and he could not be far from giving birth now. Please, let him not be too far from giving birth now, he begged silently as the excruciating pain consumed him.

Ziva rubbed his back and whispered soft words. He didn’t hear the words, but heard the sentiment, the calm and the comfort behind them as he fought the pain and cried out, unable to hold himself back any longer. He held on to Ziva’s soft voice, until his body released him from the pain.

“I have to examine you, but I will be quick,” Ziva muttered in his ear, and he felt her fingers carefully prod his entrance and gently push inside. He whimpered at the discomfort as she felt around. He grunted in relief when she pulled her fingers out.

“Well?” he demanded.

“I believe you are fully dilated,” she said softly. “Ten centimeters. So whenever you feel like pushing, you can go right ahead.”

“Fuck you. _You_ push this baby out,” he retorted.

She rolled her eyes, slapped his ass and ran off to wash her hands and returned with a stack of towels. Tony found himself looking around the room they were in. They had been pacing through the house and somehow they had ended up in Ziva’s parents’ room.

“I am not giving birth on the bed you were born on,” he growled. “Dammit, _uhhhhh_ ,” he buried his face in the mattress as his belly contracted again. The pain was extreme, taking over his entire being and he growled and groaned through it, focusing on the pain and ignoring everything else until it finally stopped. He was panting harshly but being on his hands and knees on the bed wasn’t too awful. He rode out the next few contractions, ass in the air, face buried in the mattress Ziva had been born on, crying out as unbelievably, the pains worsened.

And then he felt it. He’d read about it, the doctors had talked to him about it, he’d watched videos of men and women talking about it. About that urge to push. Yeah, he’d known that theoretically his body was going to take over and he would not be able to fight it. But holy fuck. Did he have to push right the fuck now.

Unable to fight his body’s urges, he began straining and pushing, and if he thought that the ‘there’s a whale moving slowly inside my belly’ feeling was weird, feeling the baby move slowly down through his body was even more bizarre. And painful. He could feel her inching downwards ever so slowly now as he bore down and pushed through every contraction.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missing tags/warnings again right up fronts:
> 
> * Graphic depictions of labor  
> * Childbirth
> 
> For the record, jesco0307 said that I should let you all know that this is fairly realistic and be aware before you read it. If you want to skip the birth altogether but do want to read the rest of the chapter, CTRL+F and look for "They stared at each other". That's after the afterbirth is delivered.

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

Ziva was mopping Tony’s forehead and urging him to breathe. She coaxed him to sip water in between contractions, during which time he focused on breathing and conserving his strength. And during the contractions, he gave himself entirely to the pain. He had to push. He _had_ to. He gasped when the baby’s head first pushed against his prostate because fuck, he felt that. He didn’t even know how to describe that. When that contraction ended, the baby retreated back up and he panted, trying to catch his breath. He straightened up, kneeling on the bed, realizing then that Ziva had placed towels on the bed in between his legs and was looking way too excited for his peace of mind.

“Why are _you_ so goddamned happy?” he scowled at her.

“This is a miracle, Tony,” her smile was beautiful, ethereal. “I am blessed to be here with you.”

“I hate you,” he growled as another contraction gripped him. On his knees, he bore down and growled as he pushed, straining hard as the baby moved further down his body. “Baby’s moving down,” he gasped as he kept pushing. And pushing. His entire body focused on pushing, unable to do anything else.

“I see something!” Ziva shouted out, gripping Tony’s arm excitedly. “I think I see her!”

Tony kept pushing, feeling the baby all the way down his passage now, trying to emerge. “Head?” he gasped.

“May I touch?” she asked.

Tony nodded. “Yeah, _ohhh_ ,” he grunted and pushed long and hard.

The baby disappeared, slipping back inside him when the contraction ended and he stopped pushing.

“It is a head,” Ziva confirmed, one hand on Tony’s back, rubbing gentle circles on it. “I felt her hair, Tony!”

“Good,” he nodded, trying to gulp in long breaths, knowing that he would need oxygen for the next contraction.

“It will not be long now,” Ziva encouraged him. “You are _amazing_ , Tony!”

“Oh shut up,” he said, no bite in him.

Ziva grinned at him, her eyes bright with excitement and wonder. And then Tony was bearing down, straining and pushing, gulping in breaths in between long pushes. He pushed as hard and as long as he could, feeling the baby bulge against his perineum and starting to emerge from his entrance. But every time he stopped pushing, the baby slipped back into his body.

A half hour of pushing later, he was in tears. “She’s stuck!” he screamed as he pushed and pushed, and the baby kept playing peek-a-boo, sliding out a little, and slipping back in even when he stopped to take in a quick breath before he pushed some more.

“Let’s rest for a contraction or two,” Ziva suggested in the space between the next contraction.

“You think I can voluntarily stop pushing?” Tony wailed even as his body geared up, bearing down with the next contraction. He pushed through the pain, screaming in frustration when the baby slid back into his body at the end of it.

“On TV they breathe funny to stop the pushing. I do not want you to exhaust yourself too quickly. Let us try that,” and Ziva blew in his face as they panted loudly through the next couple of contractions, trying to give him a rest. At the one after that, he screamed and screamed as he pushed, trying to get part of the baby’s head out, as the pressure was killing him, every time the baby retracted back into his body. He had a hand on his entrance, feeling the soft, slimy head trying to be born as he pushed and strained, but sliding back in whenever he stopped.

“This isn’t working,” Tony gritted out, pushing himself up, on his knees, sitting on his heels. He glared at the bed. “I think it’s the bed. I’m not giving birth on the bed you were born on.”

“What is wrong with my parents’ bed?” Ziva asked.

“It’s probably the bed you were conceived on too,” he snapped out. “I’m not having my baby on this bed.”

Ziva scrambled to support his shoulders as he backed up off the bed, and placed his feet on the floor. She helped him stand but the minute he straightened up the next contraction overcame him.

“ _Ohhhhh fuuuuuuck_ ,” Tony screamed as he spread his legs and pushed. Ziva was kneeling on the bed and he put his hands on her shoulder and bore down. Ziva’s eyes widened as fluids spurted out between Tony’s legs and he placed one foot on the bed, opening his hips even more, and pushed. The baby’s head slid out slowly, a tiny little bit with each push, but more of the baby’s head had emerged in this one contraction than in all the pushes of the last hour.

“Ziva, it burns,” he screamed as he kept pushing through his pain, and when the contraction ended, he had one leg on the bed, both hands on Ziva’s strong shoulders and her hands steadying his hips. Even though the baby did slip back a little into his body, a small part of the baby’s head remained outside his body now, stretching his opening wide, the pain excruciating. “It fucking _burns_ ,” he whimpered, panting loudly.

Ziva took one of his hands and put it on the baby’s head. “Your baby is coming out now,” she told him, trying to contain her excitement. “You are almost there.”

Tony’s eyes widened as he rubbed his fingers on the slimy thing pushing out from his body. He grinned at Ziva. Progress! Painful, but finally, real progress. He breathed, rolling his hips a little, trying to open his hips more and keep his stretched opening relaxed, quietly gathering himself before the next contraction arrived.

And then he felt that need to push. So he went for it and kept at it, pushing as his body dictated.

The baby’s head stretched him as he kept pushing, stretching and burning like molten metal, and all he could do was push and push and grunt and scream as he bore down.

“I see her forehead!” Ziva yelled. “Oh! You are doing it! Keep pushing! She is coming! Oh Tony! Keep pushing!”

And he pushed and he pushed, straining harder than he ever had, pushing through the burn and the stretch. Until the contraction ended and he panted, leaning an elbow on the knee propped up on the bed. His breaths came in pained wheezes but he ignored it. One hand went down between his legs and he could feel more of his daughter’s head exposed. She was facing away from him, and his fingers felt all around, feeling how her eyelids and her forehead were now exposed. Ziva was smiling happily up at him.

“You will birth her head in the next contraction,” she told him confidently.

He nodded, concentrating on feeling the slimy softness of his daughter’s head, half in and half out of his body, and breathing, taking in as much oxygen as he could.

With the next contraction, he pushed, screaming, eyes watering as the widest part of his baby’s head was slowly, infinitely slowly pushed out, and more liquid dribbled down his legs, until finally the baby’s head slipped out fully. He gave a shocked grunt when that happened and the immense pressure inside him was greatly relieved. He stood, wheezing and gasping for breath, his knees shaking.

“Her head is out!” Ziva yelled, grabbing a soft towel and gently rubbing it on the baby’s head and face. “Oh Tony! She is so beautiful!”

“You’re only seeing her head,” Tony shook his head, trying to keep breathing, hoping his legs would hold out. But Ziva’s excitement was infectious. His baby was about to be here. “Check to see if the cord is around her neck.”

Ziva’s fingers felt around the baby’s neck and she looked up. “No cord. You are good to go, whenever you’re ready.”

He nodded.

“Do you want to remain on your feet?”

“I think I need gravity to help keep me going,” he muttered.

“I will keep you steady,” Ziva promised.

“Oh here we go, here we go. Ohhhh, uhhhh _fuuuuuuuuuuck_ ,” he screamed and pushed, feeling pressure build up inside him again. He pushed long and hard, grunting and screaming, but it took several contractions before he felt a shoulder slowly ease out of his body, stretching him even further. He screamed as the contraction ended. Ziva had one stabling hand on his hip and the other was supporting the baby’s head gently, as Tony kept gripping her shoulder. The next contraction came upon Tony almost immediately and he gasped for breath as he felt the baby turn inside him and he pushed her other shoulder out.

“Catch, Zee,” he grunted. “Fuck. Don’t let her fall. _Ungh_. Catch her.”

“I have her, Tony,” Ziva told him confidently. “Push!”

He bore down and pushed hard, and the baby slipped out of his body in a gush of fluids, right into Ziva’s waiting hands. She brought the baby up to her chest, holding on, as Tony collapsed onto his knees on the bed, suddenly empty and blessedly free of the internal pressure and urgency. He grabbed Ziva’s shoulders and leaned heavily on her, eyes on the baby in between their bodies. The baby began wailing and Ziva gasped, smiling wide as she gently rubbed the baby with a towel. She caught Tony’s eyes and couldn’t help but start laughing joyfully.

“You did it!” she crowed. “You did it! Look what you did! Look what you made! She is perfect, Tony! She is _beautiful!_ ”

She leaned up and kissed Tony hard, before she realized that he was about to collapse with exhaustion. She handed him the baby who was still crying softly, and helped him settle down, moving him up to lean against the headboard. She wrapped the baby in a clean towel and pushed her into Tony’s arms and piled pillows behind his back, propping him up a little. Tony’s belly was still puffy but much deflated, and the baby was still connected to him. They both examined the baby, smiling at each other joyfully for a long while. Then, Tony pulled his knees up and began straining and pushing again, and the afterbirth was delivered with little fanfare. But the baby was still connected to it.

They stared at each other.

“Now what?” Ziva asked.

“Now we cut the cord.”

“The doctor didn’t get to this part!” she protested. “You did this when you were a cop, yes? So you know how to do it correctly?”

“The EMTs always took care of the cord cutting. I helped deliver the baby and the EMTs always got there after the baby came out and they always took over!” Tony was defensive.

Ziva threw up her hands. “I think I will need to call someone again.”

Tony laughed and laughed, as the baby squalled against his chest. He looked down and was lost. She was all red, and her face was scrunched up in anger, and she was kicking her legs angrily. It was so cliché. He counted her fingers and her toes, and stared at her little rosebud mouth, lips shaped just like his. Gibbs’ nose, no question. No idea what color her eyes were. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to have Gibbs blue eyes or not. They were gorgeous eyes, but did he need that reminder of what he couldn’t be to Gibbs? He didn’t know. But his daughter, she was perfect, and she was all his to love. He didn’t ever need to hide that from her, wouldn’t ever want to do that. He settled her in the crook of his arm and pulled her against his chest, allowing his nipple to rub against her mouth. She latched on and began suckling, quieting down. It was the weirdest feeling, to have that little mouth sucking hard and feeding. He kept his eyes on his beautiful little girl, switching sides when she fussed and cried, calming her, stroking her cheek with an index finger, feeling the muscles of her face work as she suckled and swallowed.

Ziva came back with his phone, jotting down things on a notepad, speaking in rapid fire Hebrew again. She had to run her fingers through his hair to catch his attention, he was completely absorbed by the baby on his breast.

“Do you want to cut the cord?” she offered him the scissors.

He stared at her blankly.

“I’ve already followed the directions,” she told him. “All you need to do is cut the cord.”

He stared down and saw that Ziva had clamped off a section of the umbilical cord and was holding scissors out to him.

“I have even sterilized these scissors,” she told him. And he realized that somewhere along the way she had even snapped on latex gloves, probably from his backpack.

“You do it,” he finally found his voice. Any thought of letting go of the baby, even to cut the cord, made him twitch.

“Are you sure?”

“You do the honors,” he smiled at her.

She gave him a huge smile, said a soft prayer and cut the cord. Then Tony didn’t know quite what was happening as he kept nursing his baby.

“Tony, I have to examine you,” Ziva whispered softly.

He waved her on and barely even noticed as Ziva stayed on the phone and poked and prodded his sore hole, fingers unbelievably gentle. She kept speaking into the phone but Tony couldn’t find the energy to pay attention. He focused on the nursing baby, ignoring what Ziva was doing.

When the baby pulled off him, he held her up against his shoulder and gently patted her back. All the books said to burp the baby so he was going to burp the baby even though he didn’t quite know what to expect. She let out a ridiculously cute and loud burp, making him laugh. Then he cradled her in his arms and rocked, humming softly until she fell asleep.

He realized then that Ziva was sitting on the bed next to him, running her finger over the baby’s head and down her plump cheek.

“Want to hold her?” he offered.

She nodded and held her arms out eagerly. Tony kissed his daughter’s cheek and handed her carefully to Ziva, who held her close. When she looked up at Tony, tears were spilling from her eyes.

“You are amazing,” she breathed. “ _Look_ at your daughter. She is perfect.”

“Isn’t she?” Tony’s eyes prickled with tears.

“She already has the best advantage in life,” she declared.

“What’s that?”

“The best mother in the world.”

Tony frowned. “ _What?_ ”

“That’s _you_ , dumbass,” she rolled her eyes. “Right, baby? Your dumbass mother is the best mother you could ever have. He will teach you to be as strong as he is, and as good and noble as he. He will love you so very much, and Auntie Ziva will love you, perhaps more than you will ever know.”

“Fuck, Zee,” Tony’s eyes filled with tears and he started crying. “I’m not strong or good or noble.”

“Yes you are,” Ziva insisted. “You are amazing, and you have made this gift. In your body. I have no words. You dumbass.”

“Watch your fucking language, Zee-vah!” Tony retorted and they both giggled like idiots.

“She is perfect,” Ziva repeated, full of awe. “She is. And you kept her safe in your body, and you made her! You should be proud of yourself.”

Tony shrugged.

“I am proud of you, Tony,” Ziva looked away from the baby and gave Tony a tremulous smile. “You will be everything that your daughter needs because that is who you are. I know who you are, Tony.”

Tony stared at her, his eyes leaking, before he took a shuddering breath. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Ziva leaned into his arms, holding his daughter close to her. “I am so happy,” she whispered back.

“Me too,” he said. And it was suddenly true. Whatever the future held, in this moment he was happy. He’d found Ziva and now he’d had his beautiful baby.

“Do you want to stay in this room, or go back to yours?” Ziva asked him.

“Huh?” he reeled from the subject change.

“You expressed your dislike of this bed.”

“It’s not so bad,” Tony shrugged. The thought of getting up made him cringe. The action might be over now but he still _hurt_. And besides, even though he hadn’t exactly had the baby on the bed that Ziva had been born on, he had been kind of one foot on it. Surely that didn’t count. Besides, she was so perfect and now she was in his arms and the bed didn’t seem quite so bad any more. In fact he was kind of fond of the bed now that his daughter had been practically been born on it too.

Ziva laughed softly. “Stay here, then. Take your daughter,” she handed the baby back, then built a little nest on the floor, of blankets bordered by pillows. She took the baby from Tony and placed her in the nest. “Let’s get you cleaned up and I will change the sheets on this bed so you can rest comfortably.”

She led Tony to the shower, helped turn the water on and handed him his shampoo and body wash. When Tony came out of the shower, she had stripped the bed and changed the sheets and remade it, and brought his backpack in. She helped him dress, putting a pad in his briefs, as he was still bleeding, which she assured him the doctor told her was absolutely normal. She settled him on the bed and brought the baby back to him.

“Do you want a snack?” she asked.

“Nah. Maybe just some juice?” Tony asked, yawning. His body was finally coming down from the adrenaline of the birth.

Ziva nodded and disappeared, returning with bottles of water and a tall glass of cold orange juice. Tony drank deeply before he handed her the glass back. He was half reclined against the pillows, the baby propped on his chest.

“I am going to the nearest town,” Ziva told him. “I will be back in three hours, at most. And I will have supplies.”

“Supplies?”

“Diapers. Wipes. Whatever else you might need. Your doctor gave me a list.”

“Ziva…”

“I have water here for you, and more towels if the baby goes without a diaper on.”

Tony nodded.

“I also have a box of cereal here. No milk, as it will not survive the heat without refrigeration, but if you’re hungry you have dry cereal. Will that do or should I bring more food in?”

“That’s good,” Tony nodded again.

She leaned down and kissed the baby’s head before she kissed Tony’s temple.

“I am sorry to have to leave you but you and the baby need things. I do not have supplies for a baby.”

He nodded. “Go, Zee. We’ll be fine.”

“Do not go anywhere. I will be as quick as I can.”

“I know you will.” He smiled at her. “I’d tell you to drive carefully but I know how pointless that is.”

Ziva rolled her eyes at that. “Oh, Tony!” She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him carefully, not jostling the baby. “Rest now.”

He nodded tiredly, yawning again. He smiled as Ziva scampered away, still bouncing with excitement. For a long moment he stared down at the baby, smiling at her as she sighed and snuggled into his chest, securely wrapped in the towel. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was here! His daughter was here.

He kept his eyes on her, even as he yawned. He held her protectively to his chest, exhaustion flooding his body.

He slept.

He struggled and woke up when he felt the baby being moved. He clutched at the little body, growling fiercely. She was _his_ baby. _His_ daughter. He was her protector. He was not going to let anyone take her from him, not without a fight.

“Shhh,” Ziva soothed him, fingers in his hair. “Tony, I am back. I need to put a diaper on the baby. Go back to sleep.”

Mind fuzzy with sleep, he realized who it was. “Zee?” he mumbled.

“Yes, Tony. It is I. Go back to sleep,” she crooned as she coaxed the sleeping baby out of his arms. The towel she was wrapped in was wet and soiled.

“Baby?” he asked, tongue thick in his mouth, eyelids heavy.

“I have her. She is safe.”

“Mm, ‘kay,” he allowed the darkness to overtake him. Ziva had his daughter. Things were good. Ziva could be trusted to protect his baby.

He woke again when he heard the baby crying. Ziva brought her over, and Tony smiled, seeing her dressed in a sleeveless pink onesy.

“You bought her clothes?” he asked.

“She needed things to wear,” Ziva shrugged. “I believe she is hungry.”

Tony took the fragile little thing and cradled her carefully before bringing her to his breast, rubbing a swollen nipple on her lips. The sounds of the baby crying was making his breast ache. She opened her mouth, latched on, and greedily began suckling.

“Hungry little baby,” Ziva smiled at him, plopping down on the bed and rubbing the baby’s head softly. “I cannot believe how perfect she is, Tony.”

“How long have you been home?”

“Two hours.”

Tony yawned. “Can’t believe I slept that whole time…”

“You have been through a lot.”

“Did you hold her the whole time?”

Ziva nodded. “I found I could not put her down,” she whispered. “I cannot imagine how you must feel right now because I am overwhelmed. She is amazing and I just want to hold her and look at her and care for her.”

Tony nodded. “Yeah. I’m with you.”

“Multiplied exponentially, I am sure,” Ziva added.

A huge thought struck Tony as he looked down, Ziva’s dark curls bobbing as she leaned down and kissed the nursing baby, and Tony stared at the image of Ziva and his daughter, heads next to each other.

“I know what her name is,” he said softly.

Ziva’s head flew up and she clapped her hands softly. “Tell me!” she was excited again. “Tell me your daughter’s name!”

“Talia,” Tony said. “Tali. After your sister.”

Ziva gasped, and her eyes filled with tears as she stared at Tony.

“I mean, if that’s OK with you, of course,” he wondered if he’d made a bad move. He didn’t want to upset Ziva. Didn’t mean to dredge up sad memories.

“No, no,” Ziva blinked and the tears fell, even as she smiled. “I can’t think of a better name for her,” she declared firmly even as more tears fell.

“You don’t even have hormones as your excuse,” Tony teased her.

“Shut up, dumbass,” she smacked his head gently.

“Nursing a baby here,” Tony rolled his eyes.

“Tali,” Ziva whispered, again filled with awe as she looked down at the baby. “Talia DiNozzo. I love it. It is fitting.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Tony couldn’t help but smile as he looked down at his daughter. “Tali, this is your Auntie Ziva.”

“Shalom Tali! I’m pleased to meet you!” Ziva laughed. “What about a middle name?”

“I don’t know,” Tony sighed. “I had thought maybe my mother’s name, but should I name my daughter after… after a woman who drank so much she couldn’t care for her own child?”

“She loved you, Tony. And you loved her.”

Tony nodded.

“Then if you want to give Tali her name as a middle name, do it in memory of the woman you loved.”

Tony pursed his lips and thought about it for a while. “Talia Elizabeth DiNozzo?” he sounded it out.

“Talia Elizabeth DiNozzo,” Ziva repeated it, looking thoughtful. “I believe it works.”

“I think you’re right,” Tony agreed. “Talia Elizabeth DiNozzo. Tali.”

They both stared down at the baby who was still actively nursing, oblivious to everything but the touch, smell and feel of her mother, and the milk she was ingesting.

“She is perfect,” Ziva sighed. “I love her so much already, Tony.”

“People are going to think you’re her mother the way you’re carrying on about her,” Tony grumbled.

“No, Tony. _You_ are Tali’s mother. Right, Tali? This is your Mama.”

“Daddy,” Tony corrected her.

“Mama,” Ziva insisted. “In Israel, you would be called Mama. Imah for women. Mama for men. It is a sign of respect.”

“Mama, huh?”

“Do not take away what you have done. You carried Tali in your womb and protected her until she was ready to come into the world. You gave birth without any drugs or any doctors! You are a _warrior_ ,” Ziva declared. “You are a _mother_. It is right for Tali to call you Mama.”

Tony stared at Ziva, speechless. “You better not be shitting me,” he finally stuttered.

“Not about this, Tony,” she told him, her tone resolute.

“Mama,” Tony murmured. “Hey Tali. I’m your Mama.”

Tali continued to nurse, and Tony nodded to Ziva. “I’m her Mama,” he told Ziva.

“Yes, you are.” Ziva agreed, smiling.

Later, Ziva pushed a brand new bassinet into the room next to the bed for Tali to use, Tony tried not to tear up. “What the hell else did you buy when you were out, Zee?” he grumbled, even as he smoothed the blanket down on Tali who slept peacefully in her new bassinet. Ziva ensured that Tony ate and rested. And later, when Ziva pushed a piece of paper into his hand, Tony looked at it and burst into tears. Ziva held him until he was all cried out, clutching the paper in one hand.

In Ziva’s lovely script, she had written:

_Talia Elizabeth DiNozzo_  
_Born: 12 August 2013, 6:22 PM_  
_9 lbs 2 oz_  
_20 inches long_

[](https://i.imgur.com/HhUQg3z.png)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No new hidden tags and no warnings for this chapter.
> 
> This chapter contains spoilers for s11e02 Past, Present and Future. Like in the other chapters, I've edited, tweaked, messed with the order of lines and scenes. And like the other chapters, I monkeyed around picking and choosing what to include, what to edit, etc. so rather than keep messing with all the different lines to define which are mine, which aren't, which I messed with, etc., here is [the script of the episode](http://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=193&t=11994). :D

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

The first few days after Tali’s birth was a huge blur in Tony’s memories. He vaguely remembered that Ziva made him eat and gave him time to shower, and spelled him, holding the baby so he could sleep, but it was still a huge blur of nursing, burping, changing, holding, and singing to Tali. She dominated his every moment, waking and sleeping. She cried whenever Tony put her down, and only stayed in Ziva’s arms for limited amounts of time so he would speed through his showers and meals, even learning to hold her in one arm as he fed himself. At times, Ziva would feed him and ensure he was hydrated as he sat and nursed Tali. Days and nights blurred together as Tali’s sleep schedule was erratic. He also felt the overwhelming need to express milk and freeze as much as he could, his gut telling him he needed to lay in a supply for emergencies. Luckily Ziva had even picked up a breast pump on her shopping trip after Tali was born. Years later, Tony realized that Ziva must have had a contact bring these things to her and meet her somewhere in order for her to have gone out and come back so quickly. It wasn’t like there was a 24-hour superstore anywhere near the farmhouse. But he’d been completely out of it at the time and taken it at face value that Ziva had gone shopping and been back as quickly as she could.

But even through the haze, Tony couldn’t keep his eyes off of his daughter. She was a miracle. They would need a doctor to examine them both soon, but the thought of making the trip to Tel Aviv was too much at that point in time. All thoughts of working and NCIS were pushed to the side and deemed completely unimportant. The only times Tony thought of Gibbs was when Tali was sleeping in his arms and she twitched a certain way, reminding him of some of Gibbs’ body language. Or she might make a face that would remind him of one of Gibbs’ expressions. She definitely did have Gibbs’ nose, but her eyes, when she finally opened them long enough for him to see them, they were green. They weren’t Gibbs’ ice blue eyes. They were a lovely, emerald green, reminding him of the waters of the Gulf Coast through a glass bottom boat. She had inherited his eyes, which in turn he’d inherited from his mother.

It was fitting she was named after his mother. Tali had her grandmother’s eyes.

And Ziva. He couldn’t even imagine how he would have coped in Tel Aviv after Tali’s birth, if he’d been alone and without any help had he not been successful in finding her in time, or if he’d succeeded in persuading her to go back to NCIS to watch Gibbs’ six and left him to cope with the birth by himself as had been his original plan. Of course he would have figured something out, that was who he was and he would have survived. But Ziva made all the difference. Instead of worrying about food and supplies and schedules and whatever else, all he had to do was bond with Tali, and hold her and nurse her. Ziva took care of everything else.

Tony couldn’t have asked for a better time adjusting to being a mother. Ziva gave him that gift, that gift of allowing Tali to be his entire focus, and he would always, always be grateful to her for that. She was also the one to share in all of the joys as well as the many frustrations of first time motherhood. It created a bond, not just between him and Tali, but also between him and Ziva, and the three of them together.

Tony kept putting off the trip back to Tel Aviv, not really wanting to move out of the cocoon of happiness that he and Ziva and Tali were in. Ziva told him that they needed to have a medical professional look them both over, and while Tony agreed that Tali did need a pediatrician to check her over to ensure that he wasn’t screwing her up already, he couldn’t make himself take that long trip back to the city just yet. The birth had taken a lot more out of him than he’d anticipated and he really didn’t have the strength to endure either a long train ride or a long car ride. So he’d been avoiding calls from his doctor in Tel Aviv, trying to get him to come in for follow up appointments.

In the end, Ziva took the decision out of his hands. She pushed his phone into his hands.

“Speak,” she ordered him. The phone was already ringing. She pressed her ear close to the phone to listen in on the conversation.

The person who answered surprised him.

“Director Elbaz?” Tony recognized her voice and her curt greeting.

“Is everything all right, Agent DiNozzo?” she asked, immediately courteous. “Are you in labor? Do you need assistance? Is the baby OK? Are you in the hospital? Do you need someone to be with you?”

“No, no. I’m OK. Baby’s OK. I’m not in labor. Uh, I kind of already had her?” Tony wasn’t sure what Ziva was trying to accomplish with this call. “That’s really nice of you though. Real thoughtful. But I’m OK. I’m good.”

“And the baby?”

“She’s perfect,” Tony smiled down at the baby, his tone softening immediately.

“And you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Do you need anything?” Orli asked, and Tony was surprised at the concern in her voice.

“No, I’m not even sure why I’m calling, to be honest,” he made a face.

“I suppose you will have to stop your efforts to search for Ziva,” she continued. “And take care of yourself and your child. Will you be returning to DC now?”

“Well… I don’t know about going back to DC or NCIS at this point,” Tony mumbled. “I’m just going to focus on the baby for a while and you know, figure out what to do about Ziva when I’m in a better position. Mentally. And physically.” He didn’t know where the words were coming from, but he knew he had to protect Ziva and not rat her out.

Ziva rolled her eyes and put the phone on speaker. “What Tony is trying to tell you, Orli, is that he has found me and he, the baby, and I, the three of us are safe together.”

“Ziva!” Orli exclaimed. “Where are you?”

“I cannot say on a cell phone line but I am sure you will know very soon.”

Orli was silent for a moment. “I believe I have the answer now, Ziva,” she said softly.

“We need help,” Ziva continued. “I do not believe Tony and his daughter are ready to be moved yet but…” And then Ziva grabbed the phone away from Tony, took it off speaker, and switched to Hebrew, moving out of the room, ignoring Tony’s objections.

Two days later, Orli showed up with two Kidon members, Tony’s obgyn, a nurse, and a pediatrician, surprising Tony. Ziva however, had been expecting this. She nodded civilly to Orli, and stayed by Tony’s side throughout his examination as well as Tali’s. Both mother and child were given a clean bill of health and Tony and Tali had an appointment back in Tel Aviv the following week when Tony would be in better condition to make the journey to Tel Aviv. Ziva and Orli sat and talked over tea, while they passed Tali back and forth to each other, cooing to her and soothing her. The infant had managed to capture both their attentions. Tony had fallen asleep on the couch and they left him there to rest. Afterwards, Orli and her entourage disappeared, leaving behind a load of baby gear, groceries and supplies, one Kidon bodyguard and a promise to leave Ziva out of Mossad business and not to inform NCIS what was going on with Tony and Tali.

Ziva had originally balked at Isak, the Kidon bodyguard that Orli insisted on leaving at the farmhouse with them, but Orli reminded her that the danger to her had not yet passed and Mossad and NCIS were still working to locate Parsa. Since she and Tony now had an infant to focus on, Orli convinced Ziva that having someone there whose focus would be all of their protection had to be a good thing. Ziva had grudgingly conceded the point, especially when she considered Tali’s safety.

[](https://i.imgur.com/7eVOhvb.png)

Despite the addition of the Kidon bodyguard, their time at the farmhouse continued to be quiet and intimate. Time passed quickly for Tony, and every day Tali grew a little more, and became even more of a real person. Six weeks went by for them and while they traveled to Tel Aviv a few times for medical checkups as required, they mostly remained in isolation at the Davids’ farmhouse. During this time, Orli laid in a false trail to make it look as if Tony was still scouring the middle east, looking for Ziva and Tony took as few calls as he could from his NCIS teammates, having not yet made any decisions for the future.

It was after one unavoidable call with Gibbs and McGee that Tony sat in the kitchen nursing Tali while Ziva prepared their lunch.

“What do I do now, Zee?” Tony asked softly.

“Gibbs wants you to go back?” she asked softly.

Tony nodded. “I can’t go back,” he murmured. “I can’t take Tali back there.”

“Gibbs should know about Tali,” Ziva gave him a serious look.

“I agree,” Tony shrugged. “But it’s not what’s best for Tali. So it’s out of the question. At least for right now.”

Ziva looked like she wanted to object, but she ended up nodding quietly.

“Shit, I’ve been thinking about this for too long,” Tony sighed and rubbed his eyes. He’d been stressing about what would happen after ever since he’d learned that he was pregnant. “And I still don’t know what to do. I just want to stay here with you and hide from the world for as long as I can, and keep Tali here, safe and protected.”

Ziva nodded.

“Quit NCIS,” Isak’s words made Tony jump. He’d come into the kitchen without Tony noticing. “You have many other skills. You do not need to work for NCIS.”

Tony’s face fell. “I want to quit,” he pursed his lips, absently stroking Tali’s soft hair. Tony had always been comfortable in his own skin and unconcerned about nudity, but even he had at first been a little wary about breastfeeding openly in front of the stoic Kidon man. However, he’d gotten over any unease fairly quickly, feeling that his bond with his own daughter was more important than his masculine dignity in front of the man, especially in the comfort of the farmhouse where he’d given birth to his daughter. “But Ziva just left and if I go now, Gibbs will have no competent backup.”

“So?” Isak didn’t get why that was Tony’s responsibility.

Tony sighed. “It’s complicated,” he finally answered. “If I only had had time to train McGee before this,” he lamented. “Then I can leave with a clear conscience. Gibbs will have sufficient backup and they can figure out the dynamics of their own team without me. Maybe get some new people.”

“McGee is not ready,” Isak had clearly studied the dossiers of Tony and his team before accepting the position to stay at the farmhouse with Ziva, Tony and Tali.

“Needs a year or maybe two of much more responsibility than what he’s been doing now,” Tony was morose. “I didn’t anticipate Tali, or Ziva leaving for good, or I would have started training him to be my replacement a couple years ago. I just always thought I would have more time.”

Ziva made a thoughtful noise. “I may have an idea,” she said tentatively.

“Let’s hear it,” Tony gave her a grin.

“You will not like this.”

“I’m not liking any of my options so far, so just hit me with it.”

“What if I buy you time to train McGee?”

“How?” Tony frowned.

“This is the part you will not like,” she warned him.

“OK. I’ve been warned. Let’s go. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“What if you let Tali stay here with me, isolated and protected?” she said it so softly that Tony almost missed it.

He sat for a moment before he licked his lips, bit his bottom lip and stared at Ziva, his frown deepening. “Leave Tali here?” he asked incredulously. “Without me?”

“You would be able to hide her from Gibbs that way.”

“Wait. Wait. _Leave_ Tali? What the hell kind of mother do you think I am?” Tony yelled, making the baby pull off his nipple and start crying. “Aw fuck, sorry baby, sorry…” He soothed the baby, coaxing her into nursing again, and Ziva stayed silent, exchanging glances with Isak. Tony’s face was red but he was making an effort to stay calm when he looked back up at Ziva. “I can’t just abandon Tali,” he shook his head. “I can’t do that to her.”

“You would not be abandoning her. You would be entrusting her to me temporarily. Only for the year that you need to train McGee,” Ziva continued. “It would buy you time and you would come back and figure out then after you are done with NCIS, what you want to do with the rest of your life.”

“I can’t leave Tali for a whole year!” Tony gasped, close to tears. “That’s not happening!”

“I don’t mean you would leave and not return for a whole year. You would come back and see her in person as often as you can. You have seniority at NCIS and much paid time off that you almost never take. You often work far more hours than anyone should in a week and you never claim the replacement days off. For this year, you will take your allotted time off, including replacement days off for overtime, and you will come back to us here at least once a month, if not more if we can swing it.”

Tony stared at Ziva, wide eyed. “Once a _month?_ ” He shook his head. “No. No. That’s too long! I can’t go a month without Tali! I can’t do that.”

“Or,” Ziva said sadly. “You can do the right thing and tell Gibbs what is going on.”

“He would never let me go, if I did that, Zee. He’d force me or guilt me into staying. Either way, it would trap me there forever,” Tony said sadly. “Tali, too. And I already told you, I will not allow Tali to grow up in the shadow of Gibbs’ dead kid. I’m sad for him, I can’t imagine what it must have felt to lose Kelly, and I can see, kind of, where he’s coming from. But Tali… I can’t let Tali ever feel like a pale copy of anyone.”

Isak looked angry. He’d known that Tali’s other father was Gibbs but this was the first time that Ziva and Tony discussed his reasons for keeping Tali a secret from Gibbs. “This is why you have hidden Tali’s existence from NCIS?” he asked, his voice soft and dangerous. “From her father? He will not fully accept her?”

Tony nodded silently.

Isak left the room.

Tony gave Ziva a questioning look. “He’s taking this hard.”

“His wife and children were killed two years ago,” Ziva explained.

“Oh,” Tony sighed and nodded.

“It is probably why Orli felt he would be the best person to stay and guard us.”

“Makes sense.”

“Just think about it,” Ziva said. “I do not want either of you to leave me and I love Tali and have grown so attached to her. I would prefer if you both stayed, if you just quit NCIS and never went back. But if you are determined to go back to NCIS and train McGee, maybe if you feel you can trust me enough, I will protect her with my life and keep her safe in my new life while you tie up things in your old life.”

“Fuck, Zee,” Tony felt his eyes heat up at the thought of leaving Tali. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I suppose I could have Orli get me back to DC in secret and we could set me up somewhere, perhaps somewhere in Virginia, away from the city, with Tali. You could be much more present that way?” Ziva suggested.

“You would do that for me?” Tony’s eyes widened.

“I want to help,” she said simply. “You need help. I can provide it.”

“It’s a lot to ask.”

“You are not asking, Tony. I am offering.”

Tony closed his eyes. “Let me think about it,” he finally rasped out. “I can probably buy a few more weeks here, pretending to look for you.”

Ziva nodded.

“Fuck, Zee,” Tony breathed out softly. “How did things get so damned complicated?”

“Children will always complicate things,” Isak’s voice made Tony jump yet again. He turned and gave Isak a mock glare. “But they make life worth living,” Isak continued.

“Yeah,” Tony’s glare softened into a tender smile at the thought of Tali, and he looked down and gently stroked her plump cheek. “Yeah, they sure do.”

Three weeks later, Tony was walking onto the tarmac at Tel Aviv. Ziva stood, dark eyes sad, watching Tony hold Tali to his chest. In the background, blending in, Isak watched them.

“I don’t know how to do this,” tears welled from his eyes as he held his daughter. “How do I do this?”

Ziva sniffed and put an arm around Tony. “You can still change your mind. Quit. Stay here with me and Tali.”

“Parsa’s still out there. I can’t walk away just yet. You and now Tali won’t be safe until we get him.”

“And then? Gibbs?”

“I still need to train McGee.”

Ziva nodded.

“Are you absolutely sure about doing this?” Tony asked, eyes desperate.

Ziva nodded. “Gibbs taught me to follow my heart. And I know I have to do this. Helping you and Tali however I can, helping Tali have a good life, I cannot turn away from this. I must do this. I must keep her away from the violence of our old life.”

“Am I being a bad mother?” Tony whispered. “Am I doing the right thing, Zee?”

“You are doing your best, and that is all anyone can ask of you,” Ziva told him gently.

“Is that code for ‘you’re a bad mother’?”

Ziva punched his arm. “No, dumbass. You will find Parsa and stop him. I will work with Orli to set up a safehouse in Virginia, and Tali and I will be there in a few weeks.”

Tony nodded.

“We have a plan,” Ziva said. “But any time you wish to stop, any time you wish to leave NCIS and come home to us, take your rightful place as Tali’s mother, you know you can.”

Tony nodded, his eyes leaking uncontrollably. “So, what about Gibbs?” he changed the subject. “You gonna call him?”

“I don’t know. But if I do, he will not know about Tali from me.”

Tony nodded, kissing his baby. “I can’t do this!” he wailed, holding Tali close, nuzzling her head, breathing in her scent. “I _can’t_.”

“You can stay.”

“I can’t do that either!”

Ziva blinked and tears fell. “You’re strong, Tony. You are a warrior. Remember that.”

Tony took a deep breath, his body shuddering with the effort, kissed his daughter and handed her to Ziva and stared at them, tears streaming down his face.

“We will be there with you soon,” Ziva assured him. “And in the meantime we will be here. You will see Tali. Every day. Screen time. You will see her. I promise you.”

Tony nodded.

They stared at each other for a long moment before Tony enveloped her in a long hug and kissed her cheek. He leaned down and kissed Tali a few more times before he wiped his face with his hands and nodded, determined.

“Tony…” Ziva started.

He gave her a questioning look.

“You are so…”

“Handsome? Funny?” he winked at her, trying to be brave, recalling the same words from his time as Agent Afloat.

“Loved,” she finished.

Tony’s lips wobbled as more tears streamed down his face, but he tried to give her a smile and swiped at his face again.

“This is not easy,” he said as he backed away, keeping his eyes on his baby in Ziva’s arms. “Hardest one-eighty of my life.”

Before he turned away, he caught Isak’s eye and nodded once at him, receiving a solemn nod in return. Isak would be there to ensure his daughter’s safety while he was gone. He braced himself and went up the stairs into the plane. All the way back, he looked at the paper on which Ziva had written the name and birth statistics of his daughter, and the pictures he had taken of Tali on his phone. He fingered the Star of David that Ziva had given him, and started his own list of “Wills” that included “Be the best mother” and “Train McGee so I can quit NCIS as soon as possible.”

They had a plan and if it was one thing Tony could do, it was execute a plan.

\--------------------------------------------------------

**November 2016**

Tony realized that he had sat in the rocking chair in Tali’s room all night. The dim gray tendrils of dawn was seeping through the windows. He stood, smoothed the blanket over his daughter’s sleeping form, dropped a gentle kiss on her honey colored curls, pulled the blinds and went out. He’d spent the whole night remembering, and he felt closer again to Ziva with these memories. And there were so many memories, all the time Ziva had been there for him and for Tali, had been a surrogate mother to his daughter. They had never returned to a sexual relationship, but their friendship had deepened. Ziva knew everything about him, and he knew everything about Ziva, and they loved Tali and each other and became a family. They’d ended up raising her together, and their plan had evolved into them continuing to raise Tali together after Tony’s exit from NCIS. A plan that would never come to fruition now. But for a while it had been more than anything he could have ever imagined.

[](https://i.imgur.com/Vq43CJ5.jpg)

Ziva had lived in Virginia part time and in her farmhouse part time, trying to give Tony as much time with Tali as she possibly could. The hardest time had been those first few weeks without them while they set everything up in Virginia. Looking back, Tony knew he’d fallen into a depression and had had a difficult time. But he did eventually get better at coping.

He continued to express milk and freeze it, trying to give Tali as much breast milk as he possibly could. And that was a challenge, hiding that from his teammates. Luckily he found that his reputation as a womanizer actually helped when he disappeared for seemingly no reason but really had snuck off to pump. He made up many different women and nobody ever wanted to hear the details. Orli helped greatly, transporting frozen breast milk to Israel as needed, when Ziva and Tali were back at the farmhouse. Tony managed to go back to his life and continue on with their plan, but he was only able to do so with help – from Ziva, from Orli, and from Isak who had stayed on keeping Ziva and Tali safe. It had been a harrowing time for him, but he’d gotten through it. And now he’d gotten through losing Ziva. But through it all, he still had Isak and Orli helping him.

“Have you slept?”

Isak’s voice cut through Tony’s thoughts and made him jump.

“Fuck!” he clutched his chest and shook his head. “You scared me!”

“Still?”

“I know. I should’ve gotten used to you creeping around after all this time,” Tony rolled his eyes, giving him a fond smile.

“You look tired. Get some sleep. I will wake you later.”

Tony sighed and nodded.

“Why are you so unsettled?” Isak had been his constant companion for the past six months, ever since he had left NCIS, and had in that time gotten to know him that much better. Tony knew he could tell Tony’s moods, so he shrugged, not even trying to deflect or hide it from the man.

“Gibbs emailed me,” he answered truthfully.

“Was it his first email to you?”

Tony nodded.

“Finally?” Isak rolled his eyes. “After six months has passed?”

Tony shrugged.

“Did he only now arrive at the conclusion that he is Tali’s father?”

“No,” Tony grunted. “He’s known since shortly after I left DC.”

“And this is the first time he has emailed you? He hasn’t called you, has he?” Isak frowned.

Tony pursed his lips and sighed, shaking his head.

“I would not normally be supportive of anyone hiding their child from a parent,” Isak said, “but having met the man and seeing this behavior, I cannot blame you for it.”

“Hmph,” Tony snorted. He rubbed his eyes.

“Has he at least acknowledged that Tali is his daughter?”

Tony nodded.

Isak gave Tony a long look before he sighed. “I see,” he said carefully. Tony wasn’t sure what Isak saw in him but he was sure it was nothing good.

“Yeah.”

“Sleep on it,” Isak advised him.

Tony rubbed his eyes and nodded. Isak put his arm around Tony and guided him to his bedroom. The Kidon was gentle as he opened Tony’s door for him and nodded at the room.

“Sleep.”

Tony nodded again before he retreated to his bedroom. Gibbs’ email had been somehow both expected and yet surprising. His thoughts and emotions were in turmoil and he didn’t know how to process it. He thought back to the email, the words now seared in his brain.

Date: 15 November, 2016  
From: ljgibbs@ncis.gov  
To: tdz@anonymail.com

Subject: (no subject)

_DiNozzo,_

_I know I should have been in touch with you much earlier. Finally got my head together. I know Tali is my daughter. I’ve known since the day after you left DC and went into hiding. I know you feel you have to hide her from me. I don’t understand why but I want to._

_Ducky reminded me that after all that’s said and done, I’m still your friend. I hope you think so too._

_Know that I am still here for you._

_Gibbs._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Tony was awakened hours later when Tali jumped onto the bed and peppered his face with kisses.

“Wake up, Mama!” she sang in his ear.

He put one arm around her, hugging her tight, and kissed her. “Hey, baby,” he rasped, voice hoarse with sleep.

“Dohd Isak says it’s time for you to have breakfast.”

“What time is it?” Tony rubbed his eyes and yawned.

“I don’t know! You haven’t taught me to tell time yet!” Tali retorted.

Tony snorted. “You can read digital clocks,” he countered, reaching for his phone and checking the time.

“I’m only three years old!” Tali batted her huge green eyes innocently at her mother.

“Oh, you think you can use those eyes against me, huh?” Tony grinned and smooched her loudly, even as his fingers found her sensitive sides and tickled her. Tali’s giggles and shrieks of laughter made him laugh and lightened his heart. Movement at the door caught his eye and he looked up to see Isak smiling openly at them, a surprisingly unguarded expression from him. He tended to be solemn and careful around Tony, although he was gentle and tender with Tali. Tony grinned sheepishly at the man before he rolled over, pinned Tali down and ruthlessly blew raspberries on her belly, ignoring her delighted screams.

When he finally released her, she jumped on him and kissed him, and then attempted to blow raspberries on him. Playfully he fell back and allowed her to continue her attack, laughing loudly as she did manage to land a few raspberries on his own rather ticklish belly.

Finally, Tony shooed Tali off of him and sat up, smiling at her.

“Come and eat before Dohd Isak gets mad,” Tali told him, sticking her tongue out before she ran and hid behind Isak’s legs, squealing when Tony made an attempt to grab her.

Tony laughed and crawled out of bed. He slept in pajama pants when Tali was around, as she tended to crawl into his bed in the middle of the night and he shamelessly allowed her to co-sleep when this happened, so sleeping naked was a thing of the past. He got to his feet and grabbed a t-shirt.

“You didn’t have to make me breakfast,” Tony told Isak, still smiling as he pulled the shirt over his head. He yawned and stretched.

“You did not sleep much and I wanted to,” Isak told him.

Tony nodded his thanks and Isak closed the door, leaving him to hit the restroom and come out. Breakfast was a noisy affair with Tali talking a mile a minute. Isak sat and nursed his coffee while Tony ate and Tali chattered away. It was surprisingly domestic and comfortable, and something Tony had gotten very used to. Although Isak had been the one assigned as security for Tali and therefore had been around for practically all of Tali’s life, he had maintained a distance. But after Ziva’s death, he had become much more approachable and far more of a participant in their lives rather than an outsider looking in, merely ensuring their safety.

Tony was surprised when he saw another email from Gibbs. Two emails in two days. His fingers shook a little as he clicked to read it.

Date: 16 November, 2016  
From: ljgibbs@ncis.gov  
To: tdz@anonymail.com

Subject: I care

_Tony,_

_I want you to know that I do care. I worry about you, and about Tali. I hope you are safe, wherever you are._

_Things are very different here without you._

_I think about you and Tali all the time._

_Gibbs._

And for the next month, he received an email from Gibbs on a practically daily basis. Some were short, a few words affirming that Gibbs was still thinking about him and Tali, and others longer and causing more sleepless nights for Tony. Some of those he couldn’t get out of his mind even days after the fact. He was still keeping silent and hadn’t replied to any of the emails, but it was getting difficult, especially when Gibbs asked to have a relationship with Tali. Keeping a man from his daughter was not something Tony had set out to do, but he needed to be sure that Gibbs wouldn’t hurt their daughter. He couldn’t help but continue to think about the emails Gibbs kept sending him.

Date: 20 November, 2016  
From: ljgibbs@ncis.gov  
To: tdz@anonymail.com

Subject: (no subject)

_DiNozzo,_

_I understand why you aren’t writing back. I wish you would. You write to everyone else. But I understand I fucked everything up._

_I know it took too long for me to get my head out of my ass. Would you consider giving me a chance to get to know Tali? You don’t even have to tell her I’m her other father._

_I hope that wasn’t too forward. I think about you and Tali all the time._

_Gibbs._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 02 December, 2016  
From: ljgibbs@ncis.gov  
To: tdz@anonymail.com

Subject: (no subject)

_DiNozzo,_

_I dream about you. A lot. Sometimes you’re happy. Sometimes you’re angry. Sometimes you blame me for everything. I don’t blame you for that because I blame me too._

_I regret many things._

_Keep yourself and Tali safe._

_Gibbs._

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 11 December, 2016  
From: ljgibbs@ncis.gov  
To: tdz@anonymail.com

Subject: (no subject)

_Tony,_

_Finally closed this case today after eight days of work. If you were here you would have figured it out in two days tops. McGee is learning to cope though._

_Tali seems to be a good artist. I enjoy all the artwork that you send Abby. She prints those out and hangs them in the lab, like a proud aunt._

_Is Tali doing better? She was crying in Vance’s office when I last saw her. It must still be hard for her. And for you, dealing with Ziva’s loss._

_I think about you all the time._

_Gibbs._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 25 December, 2016  
From: ljgibbs@ncis.gov  
To: tdz@anonymail.com

Subject: (no subject)

_Tony,_

_Do you think you will ever stop the radio silence?_

_If you can consider it, I would like to get to know Tali. She doesn’t need to know who I am to her._

_I do think about you and Tali. All the time._

_Merry Christmas._

_Gibbs_

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 31 December, 2016  
From: tdz@anonymail.com  
To: ljgibbs@ncis.gov

Subject: Time

_Gibbs,_

_I need more time. I won’t keep Tali away from you forever._

_DiNozzo._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering, we cast [Ed Quinn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Quinn) in the role of Isak. I loved him when he was on Eureka and he does dark, angry, brooding really well. Plus, well. The man is hot. Google images of him. Seriously. :D
> 
> And I have to say that my heart melted with that collage of Tali pictures, and Ziva holding her as a baby. Thank you, RPD!! I have no words for it. <3 <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No new hidden tags and no warnings for this chapter.
> 
> But we're back to Gibbs again!

**Part III: Gibbs**

**May 2017**

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

Gibbs walked down the street with McGee, letting the heat wash over him. They had just completed an op and were taking a stroll to the market. They had other things to do, loose ends to tie up and paperwork to begin, but they would be headed back home the next day. It was McGee’s first time in Peru so he had been anxious to see some of the country, and one of the SEALs had recommended a walk to the market.

As was his habit, Gibbs let his eyes wander and kept an eye out on his surroundings. It had been a year since DiNozzo left, but he still found himself jumping every time he saw someone with his build or his coloring out of the corner of his eye, but here, in Peru, he let the sights and sounds of Spanish wash over him and relax him. The op had gone well and he was content. After almost two months of nearly daily emails to Tony, he’d finally received a short reply asking him for more time. It had been a huge relief to finally get a response from the man.

He’d redoubled his efforts and tried harder to keep sending emails. Tony started replying perhaps once a week, short missives that told him nothing, and then he heard from Abby and McGee that Tony had taken a job and was now teaching at a university in Paris. Apparently the man had a PhD that he had neglected to mention to anyone, one in Behavioral Neuroscience and was finally utilizing the intellect that he had worked so hard to hide from the people who knew him. Gibbs had of course known that Tony was a brilliant investigator and someone who tended to hide who he was from the world, but finding out that he had first hidden the pregnancy and birth of their daughter from him, and now the fact that he had, in the early years of his work at NCIS, been working towards and achieved a doctorate degree without anyone knowing had completely blown the roof on the things that Tony DiNozzo could and did keep secret.

But things were slowly getting better. He was getting emails from Tony. Sometimes a blank email with nothing but an attachment of a picture of Tali, but he was at least receiving emails from the man now. But still, he wasn’t his usual gregarious and loquacious self in the emails he sent Gibbs. Gibbs found himself comparing these new emails to the ones he had received while Tony had been Agent Afloat, where he had rambled on and on about the cases he worked on, written long apologies about Jenny Shepard and the blame he felt he shouldered leading up to her death, and numerous random and humorous and _wordy _observations of life onboard an aircraft carrier. The emails he was now receiving tended to be one or two short lines, giving him no details about Tony’s life. Mostly it was impersonal assurances that he was still alive and Tali still safe. But it was better than nothing. He also now knew that Tony had settled down in Paris and that was a comfort, to just know where the man was after months of not knowing and finding no trace of him. Of them both. Simply being able to confirm that Tony and Tali were in Paris was somehow comforting.__

Gibbs sighed, listening and watching, finding himself comforted by McGee’s quiet chatter. He was in no way as chatty as Tony had been, but he seemed to be realizing now what Tony had known instinctively – if he didn’t talk, then there would be complete silence between them since Gibbs was definitely not inclined towards small talk. McGee was learning that Gibbs did not mind the chattering, as long as he wasn’t required to participate or pay attention. Hell, there were times that Gibbs had counted on Tony’s yabba yabba to keep him grounded, and Tony had known that. And while McGee wasn’t Tony and it wasn’t the same thing, Gibbs didn’t mind the other agent’s small talk. McGee was excited about Delilah’s pregnancy and his impending fatherhood, and was looking to find little gifts at the market to bring home.

They were walking past a fruit seller when Gibbs found himself turning his head when someone who reminded him of Tony caught his eye. He tried to stop himself. He had to stop glancing at every man who reminded him of Tony because it _wasn’t_ Tony. It wasn’t ever him. Tony was in Paris. Teaching at a university. But this man caught his eye and he found himself turning his head to get a better look.

The man had his back to them, dressed simply in a t-shirt and cargo shorts, a little girl balanced on his hip and they were chattering away to the fruit seller in fluent Spanish. Gibbs sighed and forced himself to turn away, until he heard the girl laugh and address the man as “Mama.”

He whipped his head back, this time even turning his body, causing McGee to turn to see what he was looking at.

“Tony?” McGee exclaimed.

The man froze, although the little girl continued to chatter on blithely.

“Tony DiNozzo?” McGee called out.

The man turned his head, eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses. His lips quirked up in a confused grin. “Probie!”

“Mama!” Tali yanked at Tony’s shirt and turned back to the fruit seller. She seemed to be trying to haggle with the woman, already adept at using her big green eyes and cuteness to get her way.

“Hold on a sec,” Tony told them, and Gibbs wasn’t even sure if Tony had looked at him or even seen him. He’d completely ignored Gibbs’ presence. His eyes were completely obscured by the sunglasses so Gibbs couldn’t tell if he’d even flicked them in his direction. He turned back to the seller, helped Tali finish her negotiations and gave her the money to pay for the bag of fruit that she had picked out. Gibbs took the time to take in the sight of Tali. His daughter. Despite being not even four, she spoke Spanish fairly fluently, and he could see so much of Tony in her as she interacted with the vendor, batting her eyes, smiling coyly and doing everything to appear even cuter than she was. He wanted to laugh. Tali was not what he’d expected. He’d kind of expected to see Kelly in Tali, but it was impossible. Kelly had felt so different from Tali, more constrained and less outgoing, even though she hadn’t been an introvert by any means. But Tali, Tali was playing the woman expertly, even at such a young age. Finally, after the negotiations were concluded, the fruit seller smiled at them and Gibbs saw that Tony surreptitiously handed her more cash as they turned away, hiding it from Tali.

McGee stepped forward meaning to hug Tony but a large man stepped in front of them, his expression forbidding. He was tall, maybe three inches taller than Tony, dark hair short cropped, his dark eyes brooding. It was obvious to Gibbs that the man was armed to the nines despite his casual dress.

“Isak,” Tony grabbed the man’s arm and gave him a smile.

Just the one word, his name, and the man nodded and stepped back, falling into place next to Tony, as if it was his customary place.

“Probie,” Tony turned that smile on McGee and Gibbs’ new Senior Field Agent stepped up to embrace his old one.

“I can’t believe it’s you!” McGee exclaimed. “What the f.. heck are you doing in Peru, man?” He looked guiltily at Tali and gave Tony an apologetic grimace for his almost blunder.

Tali frowned and spoke in quick Spanish, and whatever she said made Tony laugh and the man, Isak’s lips twitch. Tony responded back in Spanish before he turned back to McGee.

“You still don’t speak much Spanish, I take it?” Tony asked him.

McGee shook his head. “ _Hablo ingles!_ ” he said brightly.

Tali smacked herself in the face and shook her head in dramatic disappointment. “ _Ay dios mio_ ,” she breathed.

Tony laughed again, and Gibbs felt like the sun had finally started shining, seeing Tony’s unforced, unrestrained laughter.

“DiNozzo,” he nodded to Tony.

“Gibbs,” Tony’s smile froze a little when he greeted his former boss, his former lover, and the father of his daughter.

Isak twitched again and Gibbs could feel the man glaring at him in disapproval. Right. Another person who knew of him and his connection to Tali apparently, with apparently had the same opinion as Orli Elbaz. Gibbs had taken in the man and decided that he must be the Mossad watchdog ensuring Tony and Tali’s safety, although the ease at which Tony seemed to be with the man spoke of a longer, and perhaps more intimate relationship. And suddenly Gibbs’ hackles were up. Was this Tony’s new boyfriend? A replacement father for Tali? The reason why Tony had kept Tali away from him for so long?

“Sorry guys, but the DiNozzo Rule Number Eighteen is that we only speak the main language of the country that we are in, or make a very good attempt to, right Tali?” Tony explained.

“ _Si_ , Mama,” Tali nodded.

“Unfortunately, neither Probie nor Gibbs speaks too much Spanish, _mi hija_ ,” Tony explained.

Tali rolled her eyes and rattled off a sentence in Spanish, which again made Isak’s lips twitch in amusement.

“You’re right, we can utilize exception to Rule 18, Addendum Part B and revert to English to be polite,” Tony agreed seriously. “Now that you’ve shown off enough, can you say hello to my old friend Uncle Probie and my old boss Agent Gibbs? Guys, you remember Tali. And this is Isak,” Tony jerked his head at the tall man.

“Hello Uncle Probie. Hello Agent Gibbs,” Tali offered both men a sunny smile.

“Hi Tali!” McGee’s smile was huge. “I see you’ve grown a lot since we last saw you!”

“I don’t remember you,” Tali said, suddenly shy.

It was a punch in the gut for Gibbs when Tony introduced McGee as an uncle, and Gibbs as ‘Agent’ Gibbs. Gibbs tried not to let his expression show his shock. McGee was a friend, but he had been relegated to the role of former boss. Even though Tali was his daughter.

“It’s OK. It was a while ago,” McGee assured her.

“When I was a toddler?”

McGee laughed and nodded. “I don’t know. Aren’t you still a toddler?”

“I’m almost four!” Tali objected. “Dohd Isak says I am not a baby anymore!”

 _Dohd_ Isak? Gibbs growled internally. Even the Mossad watchdog got to be an uncle to Tali, but not him?

Tony elbowed the forbidding man next to him, pulled the sunglasses down his nose and gave him a smile. “Isak! You know Tali will always be her Mama’s baby!” he said, his tone playful. “Don’t encourage her to grow up too fast!”

“Mama!” Tali rolled her eyes and smacked Tony’s shoulder, her tone and actions reminding Gibbs too much of Ziva, and he stifled another pang of pain at that. “I am not a baby!”

Isak rolled his eyes and huffed a breath which made both Tony and Tali laugh.

“What’s DiNozzo Rule Eighteen Addendum Part B?” McGee wanted to know.

“It is an exception to Rule Eighteen, whereby we are allowed to converse in the language preferred by our guests in order to be polite,” Tali recited dutifully.

“ _Muy bien_ ,” Tony murmured approvingly to his daughter, making her beam happily.

Isak surveilled the marketplace and leaned down to whisper in Tony’s ear, which made Tony frown and nod, his expression serious now.

“It was a weird surprise to see you both here,” Tony said, handing Tali off to Isak, the little girl clutching her hard won bag of fruits tightly. “We promised Tali a little more walking around the marketplace and then we have to head back. So, _vaya con dios_! I owe you an email, Probie. I know.”

“Oh!” McGee sounded disappointed. “It’s our last night in Peru tonight. Could we maybe have dinner or something?”

“I don’t know,” Tony bit his lip, exchanging glances with Isak. Gibbs found himself resenting the quirk of Isak’s shoulder and Tony’s eyebrow crease which seemed to be conveying a whole silent conversation between the two men. Tony had once had that kind of rapport with _him_. Not with some random stranger. Especially not some good looking guy who was taller and younger than he was, who was carrying _his_ daughter in his arms. And this man was a Mossad operative, to boot. Not someone Gibbs could just glare away.

“Please, Tony. We haven’t seen you in a year! Abby would kill us if we didn’t spend a little time with you and Tali and maybe send her a few pictures?” McGee pleaded.

“We don’t have dinner plans, do we, Mama?” Tali piped up.

Tony blew out a long breath. He had pushed his sunglasses back up to hide his eyes again, and pursed his lips, causing his cheeks to crease into deep dimples. God. Gibbs had forgotten about his dimples. Those dimples that used to drive him to distraction. He found himself tongue tied, watching Tony closely. Tony finally nodded.

“OK,” he agreed. “We haven’t made any plans yet but we could maybe meet at our hotel…”

“I will text you with where and when to meet,” Isak interrupted him, speaking to McGee imperiously.

“Isak,” Tony’s tone was gently rebuking. “These are my friends.”

Isak glared at Gibbs and snorted. “Your safety is still my priority, Tony,” he said softly before he turned to McGee. “I will let you know about tonight.”

“That’s totally fine, I understand,” McGee gave the big man a tentative smile. “It’s good to see that Tony is being taken care of even though he isn’t with us anymore.”

“We take care of our own,” Isak told McGee gravely, giving Gibbs another dark look. McGee tried not to react but he couldn’t help looking back and forth between Gibbs and Isak. The implication there was clear. Mossad took care of their own, NCIS did not. Gibbs could hear himself starting to growl at the big man, making Tali’s green eyes widen in fear and excitement. Seeing Tony’s eyes staring at him out of Tali’s face was disconcerting, especially since unlike Tony, Tali transmitted her every emotion very openly through them.

“Right, now that we’ve all pissed around me and marked our territory, I vote we go on with our days, huh?” Tony shook his head. Gibbs could imagine the eye rolling going on behind the sunglasses. He reached towards Isak and Tali jumped back into his arms settling in comfortably on his hip, as if she was used to being there. “I have to be somewhere in a bit. See you both later.”

And just like that Tony turned away from them and the last thing Gibbs heard as they walked away was Tali asking when anybody pissed around Mama because she didn’t see that happen and if she’d missed it, could they repeat it because it sounded like a silly thing to do, and Isak bursting out into laughter.

McGee couldn’t help but chatter away about Tony after that, and this time the chatter made Gibbs want to throttle him.

“Didn’t Tony look so good, Boss?” and “Wow, what a small world! Tony’s here in Peru with us!” and “And Tali! God what a chip off the old block she is! She even has Tony’s sense of humor and mannerisms! She’s a hoot!”

And on and on, the man continued to gush, hoping that he would be as good a parent to his own child as Tony was to his daughter. Gibbs’ mind kept going back to how good Tony did look. His hair was a little longer and bleached almost blond by the sun, his skin golden and glowing. The t-shirt had been tight, revealing toned muscles. Tony hadn’t let the year away from field work soften him. If anything, he seemed more fit and perhaps even more sculpted than he had been at the time of his departure from NCIS. As if the year away from them, away from Gibbs, had actually been good to him, Gibbs thought bitterly.

And yes, Tali was almost all Tony. Her speech patterns, the sass, the huge smile, those fucking eyes. They were all Tony. He’d worried, over the past year, that when he laid eyes on Tali again, he would just be reminded of Kelly. And yeah, he did think of Kelly when he saw Tali, but it wasn’t in a bad way. He had had flashes of images of her – on her birthday, fishing with him – his lovely, beautiful, lost little girl. Seeing Tali in person had made him think of Kelly, sure, but it also made him see Tali for the first time. Kelly seemed so different from Tali, different in her looks and in the way she spoke and the way she carried herself. Tony’s influence in both looks and behavior was undeniable. But he thought he could see a little bit of himself in Tali’s face, and maybe a little bit of Kelly too. He _wanted_ to see himself in Tali’s face, that even though he wasn’t a part of Tali’s life, that he was still a part of her, that he had had a part in making her, that half of her genes were his.

[](https://i.imgur.com/VUQjdhZ.jpg)

It also hurt him deeply that Tony had kept the sunglasses on and hidden his own eyes from Gibbs. Everything about the encounter hurt Gibbs, from Tony’s aloofness to him, to the impersonal introduction to his own daughter (“my old boss Agent Gibbs”), to Tony’s apparent closeness to the Mossad bodyguard Orli had assigned to them. It felt to him as if all the years Tony had worked for Gibbs and been a part of his life, and been his lover seemed have just been wiped away by the distance Tony was keeping between them.

But there was no way he wasn’t going to go have dinner with them. And this time he was going to interact with Tony. And with Tali. And he wasn’t going to just stand there like a lump and stare at them like he’d just done. He had asked Tony for a chance to get to know Tali, and this was his first chance. He wasn’t going to miss it because he didn’t like how Tony treated him. If nothing else, Ducky had helped him step out of his own head and stop assuming that Tony would pander to his needs the way he’d always done. As Ducky had urged him to, he was trying hard to get over himself. So he was going to go to this dinner, and he was going to talk to his daughter, and maybe he was even going to talk his daughter’s mother.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of work and McGee received a text from an unknown number a half hour before the time and the name and address of a Peruvian restaurant. They set off immediately, not wanting to be late.

When they got there, Isak was waiting for them at the door and led them to where Tony and Tali were sitting, at a table in the back. Isak took a seat with his back to the wall, where he could keep an eye on all egresses. Tony was next to him, on the inside, and Tali seated protectively in between them. It made Gibbs squirm, sitting with his back to the door, but he sat and glowered at Isak.

“Shouldn’t security not sit at the table with their charges?” he growled.

“Stop it,” Tony snapped at him, green eyes narrowed in anger, his sharp tone one he had never used on Gibbs. “Isak is family.”

Tali frowned at Gibbs, looking at all the adults, unable to miss the palpable tension in the air. She reverted to a flow of anxious sounding Hebrew, and Tony soothed her back in the same language before both he and Isak pointedly gave Gibbs a glare. Gibbs nodded apologetically, getting the message. Starting off the evening upsetting Tali was going to get the dinner cut short.

“Wow, Tony, I didn’t know you spoke Hebrew now, too,” McGee said, clearing his throat, and trying to push the conversation back into safe ground.

Tony smiled at him, silently thanking him for the subject change. “Yeah. Raising a kid in Israel with Ziva, an Israeli woman, will do that to you,” he grinned.

“Did you know my Imah?” Tali asked them eagerly.

“Yes, Tali. We knew your Imah,” McGee said, smiling at the little girl.

“Mama says she died,” the little girl said simply. “I miss her.”

“We all miss her,” McGee agreed. “She worked with us. With me, with Gibbs, with your daddy.”

“Daddy?” Tali cocked her head. “You mean with Mama?” she pointed to Tony.

“Yes, with your Mama. My bad,” McGee smiled. “In America, Tony would be your daddy.”

“But he’s my Mama,” Tali insisted. “America is weird.”

“All countries have their quirks, remember?” Tony interjected.

“Did you know them when Mama and Imah were ummm… NCIS agents?” Tali asked curiously. “Mama says NCIS is an acronym. I know what an acronym is. Do you, Uncle Probie?”

“I know what an acronym is, Tali,” McGee chuckled. “I even know what NCIS stands for!”

“Navy cops, Mama said,” Tali made a gesture with her hand as she spoke that was so Tony that Gibbs couldn’t help but stare.

“And yeah. That’s right. Gibbs and I still are NCIS agents,” McGee told her.

“Were Mama and Imah good agents? Mama never talks about it with me,” she complained. “Imah didn’t either.”

“Tony never talks about us?” McGee sounded hurt.

Tali shook her head.

McGee sighed and gave Tony a sad look which Tony ignored. “Yes, your Mama and your Imah were the best that we had,” he said softly. “We miss them both very much at work.”

Tony looked down, fists clenched on the table. Isak reached over and put a large hand over Tony’s and Gibbs had to resist the urge to growl again when Tony just nodded silently, unclenching his fingers and Isak pulled away.

“It makes Mama sad,” Tali said, perceptive for her age. “Mama misses Imah, too.”

Tony gave his daughter a sad smile.

“But Dohd Isak says that Imah wouldn’t want us to be so sad.”

Tony pulled his daughter in to his side and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “You’re growing up too fast, baby.”

“Your Imah was something else,” McGee told the little girl.

“Something else?” Tali was confused by the expression.

“It means she was outstanding,” Tony explained.

Tali smiled and nodded. “Did you know that Mama is a professor now?” Tali said.

McGee nodded and laughed. “Your Mama rules!” he told her.

She gave McGee a skeptical look. “Sometimes,” she conceded.

“Hey!” Tony objected, mock glaring at her, causing her to giggle.

“So you live in Paris now?” Gibbs finally managed to speak.

Tali nodded. “Mama says that Imah loved Paris!”

“Do you like Paris?”

Tali nodded. “It’s busy and has lots of people!”

“That it does,” Gibbs agreed.

“Too many people,” Isak muttered darkly.

Tony gave him a grin and Tali rolled her eyes. She leaned forward, her eyes wide and she nodded knowingly. “Dohd Isak worries for our safety and the more people there are, the more worried he is,” she confided.

“I’m ready for the summer though,” Tony added.

“Our house will be done by the time we get home!” Tali clapped her hands.

“Your house?” McGee asked.

“The farmhouse,” Tony said softly, ignoring Isak’s dark look.

“ _The_ farmhouse?” McGee asked, shocked. “The one that…”

“Yup.”

“You’re rebuilding it?”

“Yup.”

“But why?”

“It’s where Tali was born,” Tony answered shortly.

“Wait, you gave birth at the farmhouse?” McGee gaped at him.

Tony sighed and nodded. He gave the younger agent a curious look. “So, Probie, _you_ know that when Tali says Mama, she means that… I’m her mother. In all senses of the word?”

McGee nodded. “Gibbs and I looked it up after you left.”

“Huh,” Tony said, giving McGee a long, expectant look and flashing Gibbs a suspicious glance. “And?” he prodded McGee.

“And what? It’s incredible,” McGee said, giving Tony an admiring look. “I know I could never do it…”

Tony pursed his lips and nodded. His eyes flickered to Gibbs, his expression suddenly shuttered. Gibbs could see him jumping to the correct conclusions: Gibbs had asked McGee’s help to find out if Ziva had given birth to Tali. McGee knew that in fact, Tony had been the one to give birth to Tali. But Gibbs hadn’t told McGee that he was the other father. He could feel the judgement emanating from Tony, and the disgust coming from Isak.

“Mama is a warrior,” Tali chimed in, interrupting the brewing storm.

“Tali,” Tony admonished, blushing.

“It’s what Imah used to say,” Tali gave McGee a grin that was so charming and so disarmingly Tony that it made Gibbs’ heart stutter.

“Although I hear Delilah is…” Tony smirked at McGee.

“Yeah!” McGee brightened up. “We’re expecting!”

“Congrats, McDaddy-O,” Tony grinned back.

The rest of the dinner went fairly smoothly, with Gibbs doing his level best to speak with Tali and to try to engage in conversation with Tony. It was easy to coax Tali into speaking, the girl was so like Tony, gregarious and fun loving. But Tony, who seemed to speak fairly easily with McGee, clammed up when Gibbs spoke to him, answering in short sentences or monosyllables.

Finally, Tali was yawning and they had been done eating for a while. Isak had given McGee permission to take a few photos of them on his phone although he asked McGee not to share the photos for a few days. For Tali’s protection, he claimed. And he also asked that no pictures of Tony or Tali should be shared on social media platforms or they would be removed. McGee instantly agreed, wanting to take a few pictures to show Abby and Bishop. Isak paid for the meal and Tony started to stand, giving them a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Can I speak to you in private?” Gibbs asked.

Tony’s eyes flicked to Isak, and he bit his lips, hesitant now.

“Please?” Gibbs forced the word out.

“I can wait outside with Tali,” Isak told them. “You have five minutes, Agent Gibbs.”

“Tali’s sleepy and it’s way past her bedtime,” Tony muttered. “Maybe we can talk another time.”

“Please, Tony.”

Tony sighed, settling back down as Tali climbed sleepily into his lap, laid her head on his chest, and blinked, curling up comfortably. Isak leaned in and murmured into his ear, and he nodded. He handed Tali over to Isak.

“Fifteen minutes,” Isak told Gibbs, keeping his voice soft as he cradled the sleepy child in his arms. Isak was cradling Gibbs’ daughter and it made him want to grab her and take her back. But Tali snuggled into Isak’s chest, smiling sleepily and lovingly up at the man, oblivious of the intensity of Gibbs’ stare. She was happy and secure, with someone she knew and obviously loved. Again, that hurt Gibbs more than he could have anticipated. Tali was _his_ daughter, goddamnit.

“You will walk Tony back to our hotel,” Isak ordered Gibbs. “And if you take longer than fifteen minutes, I will not be pleased. If I am not pleased, then neither of you will be pleased either.”

“Fifteen minutes, sure,” McGee agreed quickly. “No problem. I’ll make sure I get Tony back to your hotel safely.”

Isak gave both men a fierce glare before he swept Tali away. At the entrance to the restaurant, he turned back and gave Tony a long look and the green eyed man nodded his assent. McGee sighed loudly when Isak disappeared.

“That guy is intense!” he shook his head.

“Isak has been Tali’s protection almost since she was born,” Tony gave McGee an apologetic grin. “He’s overprotective at times. Especially since he was with Tali and Orli in Tel Aviv when the farmhouse was attacked. Not sure he’ll ever forgive himself for not being there to defend Ziva, even though she refused protection and only allowed Orli to leave someone with us solely for Tali’s protection.”

McGee nodded. “That had to be rough on him.”

“He’s been with you the whole time?” Gibbs asked, trying to hide his irritation at the thought that this man had been the one to see _his_ daughter grow up.

Tony shrugged and nodded.

Gibbs stared at Tony while the younger man kept his eyes down and McGee looked back and forth from one to the other.

“You know, I’m going to head out now too,” McGee finally said, chuckling weakly, realizing that he was totally the third wheel at the table. “It was really cool to see you again Tony.”

Tony raised his head and gave McGee a small smile.

“Um, Boss? Will you make sure Tony gets back to his hotel?” McGee stuttered a little as Gibbs glared at him. “I mean, I told Isak I’d do it and I do not want to get on that man’s bad side….”

Gibbs nodded curtly.

“Thanks, Boss,” McGee went around the table and gave Tony a bone crushing hug before he mumbled his goodbyes and left. Gibbs continued to stare at Tony and Tony stared down at his hands on the table. The silence dragged on.

[](https://i.imgur.com/mh3cXA5.png)

“I’m going to have to start walking back soon so I’m not late,” Tony finally muttered. “Good talk, Gibbs.”

He stood.

Gibbs’ hand shot out and he grabbed Tony’s forearm. “I have to see you to your hotel.”

“It’s fine,” Tony told him. “I don’t need an escort. I can take care of myself. I’m still a bad ass motherfucker,” he gave Gibbs a cocky grin.

“Isak won’t be pleased.”

“Eh, Isak hates most things,” Tony said easily.

“I’ll still walk you there.”

They stood and Tony kept his hands in his pockets as they walked and he carefully maintained a noticeable distance between them, never allowing himself to brush up against Gibbs even though the sidewalks were crowded and occasionally caused them to need to move closer to each other. Gibbs kept his eyes on Tony as well as on the road as they walked, on the alert for trouble.

“So…” he finally said after a few minutes. “That was Tali.”

Tony nodded.

“She’s extraordinary,” Gibbs told him.

Tony’s head whipped around and he stared at Gibbs in shock. “Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Good.”

“She’s just like you in so many ways.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“But she is her own person.”

“That she is.”

“Isak is great with her,” Gibbs made himself say it, even though it hurt him to acknowledge it.

“He’s amazing,” Tony said softly.

“Are you and he…?”

Tony gave him a sharp look. “You don’t get to ask me that question,” he shook his head.

Gibbs nodded, backing off. “He seems… competent.”

“He’s Kidon,” Tony shrugged, and that said it all. Orli had assigned one of Mossad’s best to ensure Tali’s safety. “And he loves Tali. Her safety and happiness is paramount.”

“You are an amazing mother,” Gibbs blurted out.

Tony snorted. “Thanks,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, and he pursed his lips and looked away.

“You’re still mad at me. I get it.”

Tony made a sound of agreement.

“Will you give me a chance to get to know Tali?”

Tony sighed. Finally he nodded. “I told you I would,” he said. “I’ll figure something out. Just not right away. I can’t right away. I’ve other commitments.”

Gibbs nodded. “Thank you.”

“Hmm,” Tony hummed.

“Can I ask you why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you hide her from me?”

Tony stopped walking and stared at Gibbs, chewing his bottom lip.

“I’d like to think I wouldn’t have tried to take her away from you,” Gibbs continued speaking. “She’s your daughter. I know that. But she’s my daughter, too. She should be allowed to get to know me, too.”

Tony started walking again, double timing it now. “You thought that any child of yours that came after Kelly would be a pale copy of her,” he snarled. “Tali is herself and she deserves to be loved for who she is and not judged against who you think she might be a replacement for. She’s not a replacement. She’s not a substitute. She’s Tali! This is me.” He abruptly turned to go through the door of the hotel that they had come to.

“Wait. What?” Gibbs grabbed his arm. “What are you saying? Where’d you get that idea?”

“It’s what you said to me,” Tony bit out. “Even with the ex-wives, you were of the opinion that you didn’t want any more kids after Kelly died because they would just be a ‘pale copy’ of her. That they wouldn’t live up to her memory. I’m telling you right now, Tali is not a copy of anyone, much less a _pale_ copy of anyone. She’s herself, and that is more than enough for me, and should have been more than enough for you.”

Gibbs’ mouth fell open. “That’s why you kept her from me?”

“I won’t let her feel like she’s less important, like she’s not enough, for something that she didn’t do. That’s _your_ problem. I won’t let you make it hers.” Nostrils flaring, Tony’s lips were a straight line, his expression fierce. “It’s not her problem you can’t love her the way she should be loved. She’s not at fault.”

“Wait, Tony. When did I say this to you? When did I say this about having more kids?”

“Are you actually denying this?” Tony wrenched his arm away. “Un- _fucking_ -believable.”

“No, no. Not denying it. I know that’s what I’ve thought for years. I don’t know how _you_ know this.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You fucking _told_ me this years ago,” he hissed. “Drilled it into my head. Although, by the way, the email you sent me after you spoke to Orli? Where you said you weren’t sure if you would have tried to take Tali away from me when she had first been born if you’d known about her, questioning my ability to be a good parent because I was _just_ her carrier? And probably because I’m me and you obviously have had a problem with me for a while now. _That_ was confidence inspiring, I gotta tell you. It hadn’t occurred to me that you would have possibly thought that but now, it’s all I can think about.”

“DiNozzo…”

“You’re lucky Ziva’s dead because even though she’d renounced violence and her old life, she’d go back to her ninja ways to take you out if she’d read that email,” Tony said fiercely.

“DiNozzo…”

“And if you think for one second that I would let you take her from me now…”

“I wouldn’t!”

Tony glared at him, green eyes spitting fire. “Good talk,” he repeated his earlier words, this time laced with bitterness.

“DiNozzo…”

“ _No!_ ”

“Look… can you calm down a little?” Gibbs looked around, seeing the nervous looks people around them were exchanging.

Tony glared at him and visibly pulled himself in check. “I have to get back to Tali,” he bit out, full bottom lip sticking out angrily, making Gibbs want to bite it. Inappropriate, but Tony had always been sexiest when he showed Gibbs his true emotions, and Tony was not hiding a thing right now.

“I’m… sorry,” Gibbs almost choked over the never used word.

Tony gave him a disbelieving look. “That goes against your rule, doesn’t it?” he mocked.

“Rule fifty one,” Gibbs shrugged. Sometimes you’re wrong. “I was wrong. Tali is extraordinary. She’s herself. She’s not Kelly or any kind of copy. I see that now.”

Tony snorted and rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself. Yeah. Of course Tali was herself, Gibbs could practically hear Tony was saying to himself. Of course Gibbs had been full of shit, judging a baby before it had even been conceived, determined not to allow replacements for what he had lost. To hold his pain close to his heart allowing no room for anything or anyone else after his immense loss.

“Please. I’m a bastard. I know it. But still, give me a chance to get to know her,” Gibbs couldn’t help but beg.

Tony sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I will,” he finally breathed out. “I told you I would. I’ll make some arrangements.”

“Thank you.” They stared at each other for a moment. “I assume you don’t want to tell her that I’m her father?”

Tony was instantly frowning again. “I won’t have her emotions yanked around just to make you happy,” he snapped. “You’ll have to earn the right to be her father.”

Gibbs nodded sadly. “OK, Tony. OK.”

“Besides, even though Probie knew Tali was mine, has known for as long as you have, I noticed you didn’t even tell him that I gave birth to _your_ daughter,” Tony sounded bitter and disgusted. “So much for wanting to be her father. You can’t even tell McGee who she is to you.”

“Tony…”

“I gotta go.” He whirled around and stormed through the door, disappearing from sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of went along with the s14 finale, but only in that I put this in South America. I changed it to a much gentler area because you know, why would Tony take his daughter to a civil-war ridden deep mountains. So I chose Peru for our chance encounter. And that's where the similarity to the s14 finale ends.
> 
> Also, a translation of the Spanish used (it's not too difficult to figure out but just in case, here it is):  
> * hablo ingles = I speak English  
> * ay dios mio = oh my god  
> * mi hija = my daughter  
> * muy bien = very good  
> * vaya con dios = go with god (used as a goodbye)
> 
> Also didn't you guys just love that Kelly collage that Red_Pink_Dots made?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! No hidden tags or missing warnings.

[](https://i.imgur.com/Iybf3dV.png)

Gibbs stood at the entrance of the hotel lobby for a long time wanting to run in after the younger man. But he knew that any further words wouldn’t be wise. Tony was too angry now, and he’d always known when to step back, when not to push Tony’s buttons. This was one of those times. If he pursued Tony, he would only do more damage. But it hurt to stand there helplessly. Finally he turned and walked away. He ended up at the bar attached to his and McGee’s hotel, downing bourbon like it was going out of style. The bartender had left him the bottle so he could help himself. That was where he was when McGee found him an hour later.

“Figured you’d be here,” McGee told him, sitting down next to him and signaling to the bartender, who brought him a glass. McGee poured himself a finger of Gibbs’ bourbon.

Gibbs ignored him, focusing on his own glass.

“You know, we never managed to get Tony to answer why he and Tali are here,” McGee said, his tone conversational and light. “He’s a master of deflection. I still have to learn how he does it. But they never said why so I started looking at what’s going on in Lima. There’s an international conference on Behavioral Neuroscience at a local university. Tony presented a paper there this afternoon.”

Gibbs grunted.

“Can you believe it? Our Tony DiNozzo. Doctor Anthony DiNozzo, PhD, presenting papers at international conferences,” McGee shook his head. “No idea what the hell the idiot was doing working at NCIS for so long. I downloaded his paper and read it and it’s way above my pay grade. Tony’s crazy smart, Boss.”

Gibbs glared at McGee.

“Which of course, you already knew,” McGee hurriedly added. “Because why else would you hire him.”

Gibbs snorted.

“What I don’t get though, Boss, is why you and he are fighting? He didn’t want to talk to you but you really wanted to talk to him. It wasn’t the usual Tony doesn’t want to talk to you because he wants to get away with whatever crap shtick that he used to pull. He _really_ didn’t want to talk to you tonight. I wasn’t sure if I should have left you two alone, to be honest, Boss. You guys had me worried there.”

Gibbs shrugged.

“And I know you might just kill me for asking this, but what’s going on with you two? I thought Tony left on good terms with everyone? I mean, as good as anything can be given that Ziva died.”

Gibbs sighed, suddenly remembering how Ziva had died, and how Tony had puked his guts out at the report of the farmhouse being attacked. He drained his glass and filled it up before he gave McGee a baleful stare. Tony’s words rang through his mind.

“ _Besides, even though Probie knew Tali was mine, has known for as long as you have, I noticed you didn’t even tell him that I gave birth to **your** daughter,” he’d said. “So much for wanting to be her father. You can’t even tell McGee who she is to you._ ”

It had cut deep because he’d been right. How could he want to be Tali’s father if he couldn’t even acknowledge publicly that she was his?

“Tali is my daughter,” he stated baldly.

McGee choked on his drink and coughed for a good few minutes while Gibbs ignored him, steadily sipping his drink.

“Wait. What?” McGee wheezed, watery eyes shocked. “Are you sure?”

Gibbs growled.

“Right, of course you’re sure,” McGee agreed automatically. “But you didn’t even know that Tali was Tony’s daughter and not Ziva’s when Orli brought her to Tony last year.”

Gibbs nodded.

“Wait. So you _did_ know it then?”

“Didn’t even know she existed,” Gibbs said grimly.

“Tony hid being pregnant with your child from you? And then hid her existence from you?” McGee couldn’t stop the questions.

Gibbs pursed his lips and drank some more.

“Fucking hell…” McGee carefully sipped his drink and shook his head. “That’s gotta fuck with you, Boss,” he muttered.

“Yep.”

“But… why? Why would Tony not tell you about her?”

Gibbs sighed and rubbed his face.

“I don’t understand. I mean, why did Tony give birth to her in secret and go on to raise her in secret with Ziva? Why would he hide Tali from you, of all people? You _love_ kids! You’re an awesome father! Just ask Abby!”

The older agent closed his eyes and sighed. “I told him I wouldn’t be able to accept any other children after I lost Kelly.”

“What?”

“No, that’s not quite right. I told him that any kids I might have after Kelly wouldn’t ever compare to her.” Gibbs couldn’t help the bitter chuckle that escaped him.

“ _What??_ ” McGee gawked at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish. Gibbs wanted to laugh at the sight but he thought he’d start crying instead so he stayed silent. “Why would you tell him that?”

“It was what I felt,” Gibbs blew out a long breath.

“You actually told him, to his face, that if you guys had kids together that they would never compare to Kelly?”

“I believe my words were, ‘they would be a pale copy of her’.”

“Holy fuck, Boss,” McGee kept shaking his head. He chugged his drink and refilled it, still shaking his head. “Well. That explains a lot.”

“Mm-hmm,” Gibbs nodded.

“And now? Do you still feel the same way about Tali?”

Gibbs shook his head. “She’s amazing,” he breathed out. “Didn’t you see her? She’s perfect.”

“But now Tony’s not buying it.”

Gibbs shrugged.

“Yeah,” McGee sucked in a breath that whistled through his teeth. “Well. Gotta say, I don’t envy you right now, Boss.”

“I can still punch you in the face, McGee,” Gibbs growled.

“Yeah, you could do that. Or you could fix this with Tony.”

Gibbs rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Don’t know if it can be fixed,” he said softly.

“Do you _want_ to fix it?”

Gibbs shrugged.

McGee stared at him for a long moment. “Well, you know, I don’t actually know what that means, Boss. I’m not Tony. He always could figure you out when you get all non-verbal. I’m not fluent in Gibbs body language yet.”

Gibbs snorted, lips quirking upwards. “Yeah, he always could read my mind, practically.”

“You miss him…” McGee said softly.

Gibbs pursed his lips and nodded slowly.

“Miss him at work or… you know? Outside of work?” McGee stumbled over the words, trying to choose the right ones.

“You mean, do I miss fucking him, having him in my bed and in my life outside of work?”

“Sure, you could put it that way.”

Gibbs sighed. “Yeah,” he said shortly. “All of it.”

“OK. And I assume Tony must have broken up with you when he found out he was pregnant, so he could hide everything from you?”

Gibbs shook his head. “I dumped him before he probably even knew about the baby,” he said morosely.

“Shit, Boss! You’re not doing yourself any favors here,” McGee huffed.

“I know.”

“Tony’s always had an unhealthy obsession for you,” McGee said thoughtfully. “I always thought it was just platonic love but, given this new data, I’m guessing he did really love you.”

Gibbs nodded.

“Did you love him back?”

“Probably,” Gibbs answered after a long pause.

“Seriously. You are totally winning him back with _that_ heartfelt declaration,” McGee shook his head.

Gibbs snorted again. “You channeling DiNozzo tonight?” he asked his Senior Field Agent.

“Maybe,” McGee grinned at him. “I don’t know about you winning Tony back though,” he was suddenly serious. “I can’t be sure but I think that Isak like, _likes_ him.”

Gibbs growled under his breath.

“Yeah. OK. You’re right. We can’t worry about that right now. I don’t know if Tony likes him back anyway. It’s so hard to read that man.”

Gibbs shrugged.

“Oh fuck, Boss! You didn’t just go and ask him if he and Isak were together, did you?” McGee threw up his hands.

Gibbs shrugged but his face must have shown his guilt.

“I’m guessing that didn’t go over well,” McGee smacked his face. “OK. Let’s just table that for now. I guess the more important question is, do you want a relationship with Tali?”

Gibbs nodded firmly.

“Tony’s blocking this?”

“He was,” Gibbs said. “But now he says he’ll give me a chance with Tali.”

“That’s great news! We can work with this. I’ll get Abby and Bishop involved and we’ll help you come up with a plan.”

“No. No conspiring. Tony will pick up on it.”

“Right. He’ll go to ground again with Tali. You’re right.” McGee looked thoughtful as he sifted through the ideas in his head.

“He doesn’t want Tali to know I’m her father.” That he had to earn the right to be Tali’s father. The words hurt Gibbs more than he ever thought possible. “Yet,” he added. _If ever_ , the words rang in Gibbs’ head. If he ever earned the right to be Tali’s father.

“Man…” McGee blew out a long, commiserating breath. “So. Now what?”

“I dug this hole,” Gibbs said softly. “Now I gotta climb out on my own.”

McGee sighed. “OK, Boss.”

They sat and drank together in companionable silence for a while. McGee was frowning and making thoughtful noises after a while.

“What?” Gibbs demanded, rolling his eyes.

“So, as I see it, this is the timeline of how things went down: At one point, you and Tony started a relationship. A sexual relationship. How long did this go on?”

“Over a year,” Gibbs gritted out.

“Over a year!?” McGee gasped. “Uh… exclusive? Were you guys exclusive?”

“I don’t share, McGee.”

“Oh man…” the younger man groaned.

“What?” Gibbs asked again, not hiding his irritation.

“Well… It’s Tony. If he stayed in a committed relationship with you for over a year, and given Tali’s existence, I’m guessing you guys had unprotected sex, well…”

“Stop fucking around and just say it, McGee.”

“Shit, Boss. He committed to you. For him to do this, while you kept it all secret for over a year? He fucking loved you. I know for a fact that Tony’s never fucked anyone without a condom. One of his first lectures to me when I came on the team was about the importance of never going bareback. The fact that he let you do that to him? He was as good as married to you. And then you went and dumped him.”

“He wanted more,” Gibbs was surprised when the words came out. He never talked like this, never volunteered information like this, and to _McGee_ , of all people. But he needed to say it out loud. “He wanted more, and I wasn’t prepared to give that to him.”

“So you dumped him. Because Tony DiNozzo wanted a commitment and you didn’t want the same thing.”

“Didn’t say I didn’t want it.”

“Huh.”

“Wasn’t prepared to give that to him.”

“But essentially, you dumped him because you couldn’t take your relationship to the… ahem… the next level, as they say?”

“Yeah.”

“But by this time he was pregnant?”

“Probably about a month along. He couldn’t have known it at the time.”

“Right. Then sometime after that, I thought he and Ziva were headed for a relationship.”

“Maybe. He wasn’t talking to me much by then. As you might imagine.”

“Right. Of course. Then shit hit the fan with Parsa, Tony and Ziva were run over, Ziva fled, then Tony’s apartment got shot up. Shit, he was pregnant that whole time?”

Gibbs nodded miserably.

“He never came to you for help?”

The blue eyes closed in pain as he shook his head.

“Then he went looking for Ziva, had Tali in Israel, but a couple of months after that, he came back to the team.”

Gibbs thought for a moment before he nodded.

“OK. So here’s another question. Why did Tony even come back?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m guessing he was still pretty angry about you breaking up with him, and your attitude towards your theoretical future kids, and he’d gotten away with hiding the pregnancy and the birth of your daughter from you. Right?”

Gibbs nodded, giving McGee a ‘get to the point’ glare.

“He could have been free from you from then on, Boss. Think about it. He could have stayed in hiding in Israel with Ziva and Tali. Or he could have taken Tali and gone somewhere else and you would be none the wiser. He could have walked away clean from you, and from NCIS. But instead he came back to us! Why’d he come back?”

Gibbs stared at McGee. It hadn’t occurred to him to ask himself that question. Why _had_ Tony come back to the team?

“I think the answer to that question is important,” McGee said thoughtfully. “I’m hitting the rack.” He started to pull out his wallet.

Gibbs put a hand on McGee’s arm. “I got it,” he said shortly.

McGee nodded.

“Thanks,” Gibbs said shortly.

The younger man grinned.

[](https://i.imgur.com/o3fpQIl.png)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A month later, Gibbs was sitting in his basement nursing a mug of bourbon and staring into space. The question still rang in his brain. Why had Tony come back to NCIS after Tali had been born? He was obviously a committed parent, and had made the decision never to allow Gibbs to break Tali’s heart. He’d hidden her so thoroughly from Gibbs that if Tony hadn’t come back and had quit back then, the chances of Gibbs ever finding out that he was a father again was minuscule. Hell, at that point, if Tony had quit, he would have assumed that Tony was just staying with Ziva and leaving him and he might have washed his hands of the man. Tony could have walked away cleanly at the time. McGee was right. But the question remained: why had Tony come back?

Gibbs had continued his email campaign, sending daily emails to Tony, although he restrained himself from asking Tony in an email the question that kept reverberating through his skull. But ever since Peru, Tony hadn’t written him back, not even once. Even though the man hadn’t been overly forthcoming in his previous email responses, reverting back to a complete lack of a reply weighed heavily on Gibbs. And these days, he couldn’t even hide from it at work. Even though Ducky knew, and had known for a while, their friendship had become strained ever since their conversation about Tony and that he was Tali’s father, so he didn’t have Ducky’s support as much anymore, which actually ended up being not awful since at least Gibbs didn’t have to keep talking about it and be reminded of it while trying to do his job without getting himself or any of his teammates killed. But now that McGee knew, the younger man would give Gibbs that look every few days, the “has he been in touch with you?” look, and Gibbs would have to give him a curt shake of the head. Even worse was when Abby or Bishop would share the news when Tony sent them an email.

He knew that McGee was trying not to rub it in his face that Tony had emailed him a few times over the month, but he knew that if McGee didn’t share the news, Abby and Bishop would suspect something. Luckily he was taking Gibbs’ lead, keeping silent about what he knew about Tali. Gibbs wasn’t sharing the news of Tali’s paternity with everyone. Which he felt was probably wise, given that Tony didn’t want Tali to know just yet. And if Abby found out, then everyone would know, and if even a whiff of that got close to Tali, Gibbs knew that Tony would not hesitate to take his daughter away and let Mossad hide them from the world again. Having gotten a small taste of Tali, and being in Tony’s magnetic presence again, Gibbs was not going to take that chance. He was not going to lose another daughter. Not this time.

Tali had captivated him. She had burned so brightly, with her clever words and Tony’s eyes blazing from her face. She was his daughter! He ached to be able to talk to Tali again, and start to be a part of her life. What he felt for Tony, he didn’t know, but he did know that the past year had been harder than he would have ever thought it could be, all because Tony had withdrawn so completely from him. While he wanted to have a relationship with Tali, he also craved being with Tony again, if only to be in his presence and to be able to have a conversation with him every so often. It was cliché but he really didn’t appreciate what he had had until he lost it. And now he wanted it back. And Peru, well, that could have gone so much better.

He rubbed his face. He’d cocked up that conversation with Tony big time but then again, maybe they needed to say those things to each other and get it out of the way so they could move forward. He was hoping that Tony would eventually forgive him and make whatever arrangements that would need to be made to give him a chance to get to know Tali. He would even fly to Paris regularly if that was what Tony wanted. He was prepared to do whatever Tony wanted in order to be a presence in Tali’s life. Now that he knew was a father again, knew he had a daughter out there again, he’d come to the conclusion that yes, he _wanted_ to be a father again and he wanted to be more than just a part time observer of her life. He wanted to be in it and to participate and to contribute to the growth and development of this amazing little human being who was his daughter. However negative his thoughts might have been about children after Kelly’s death, they had completely changed now. Tali had changed everything.

He heard his front door open and quiet footsteps above him and he wondered who it would be. McGee had never really made it a habit to turn up at his house unannounced, and Ducky had stopped coming over after he yelled at Gibbs to stop being so self centered. It was probably Fornell, Gibbs thought. He sighed. Fornell was a good friend but he complained about shit way too much. Asshole didn’t even realize how lucky he was to still have a daughter when Gibbs had already lost one and was well on his way to losing a second one.

Footsteps came down the basement steps and stopped on Tony’s stair, the third stair that Gibbs had always thought of as Tony’s because he always sat there when he used to come over. He turned his head and stopped breathing for a moment, staring wide eyed at what he thought had to be an apparition or a hallucination.

“Hey,” the hallucination greeted him.

Gibbs looked around the room and looked at his drink, then looked back up at the man who couldn’t possibly be casually walking down his basement steps as if over a year hadn’t gone by, a year filled mostly with anger and animosity.

“I’m really here,” Tony assured him, coming down the last three steps, although he stayed right there at the bottom of the stairs and didn’t come any closer to Gibbs.

Gibbs realized that his mouth was open so he closed it with a loud clack of teeth hitting together. “Tony,” he said softly, scrambling to his feet.

“Are you serious about wanting to get to know Tali?” Tony asked, green eyes no nonsense, no amusement or coyness in his expression.

Gibbs nodded.

“I’ll be teaching at Johns Hopkins in the fall,” Tony said quietly. “I committed to one semester.”

Gibbs’ eyes widened and he found himself nodding, unable to stop from smiling.

“There will be strict rules,” the younger man continued. “I will allow you one two-hour visit with Tali a week, at your convenience. I know how your work schedule can be. But I like Tali to be on a regular schedule with regard to mealtimes and bedtimes so, you’ll have to work within that time constraint.”

Gibbs’ heart was pounding, and he nodded in agreement.

“You can talk to her and decide what activities you want to do during these visits. I won’t restrict that, but of course, within reason. Make sure it’s age appropriate. Tali isn’t even four yet.”

“OK,” Gibbs nodded again.

“Isak will be present during every visit.”

“What? I get supervised visitations?” the words escaped Gibbs, as he imagined Isak presiding over his time with his goddamned daughter, as if Gibbs was a criminal.

“He’s her security detail,” Tony snapped. “He’s there for her protection.”

“But I’m Tali’s father. And I’m not exactly helpless either. She won’t want for protection while I’m around.”

Tony snorted at that. He gave Gibbs a serious look. “Isak will be there at all times. That’s non-negotiable,” he stated firmly.

Even though Gibbs wanted to scream and rail about being able to protect his own daughter, the set of Tony’s jaw warned him that if he put up a fuss, Tony would hightail it back to Paris and that would be the end of that. He swallowed hard and nodded, gritting his teeth and stopping any further comments.

“You will not upset Tali by arguing with Isak. He has full discretion on Tali’s safety and if he pulls the plug on a visit, that’s that.”

Trying not to fume, Gibbs nodded.

“If anyone even breathes a word of you being Tali’s father around her…”

Gibbs shook his head vehemently. “No. No one will. I told McGee about it, but Rule 4. If Abby hears this, she’ll…” Gibbs sighed. His Rule 4 governed secrets: If you had one, keep it to yourself. Second best, tell one other person if you must. There is no third best.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed. “She will interfere. Thinking she knows what’s best for my daughter. And if she does…”

“I know,” Gibbs assured him. “I know what’s at stake here. So it’s not that I don’t want to tell people. I do. But until you’re ready to talk to Tali about this, I wanted to make sure you were comfortable with who was in the know.”

Tony nodded reluctantly. “Fair enough.” He sighed. “So McGee knows?”

“Yup.”

“Is he mad at me?”

“More like he thinks I was a damned fool for how I treated you.”

“Hmmph,” Tony said.

“Ducky knows, too.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “You told him?”

Gibbs nodded. 

“Is he disappointed in me?”

“DiNozzo, Ducky told me some bald truths about myself because he thought I was cruel and stupid. Helped me get over myself. He’s why I started emailing you.”

“Yeah?” Tony grinned a little. “Nice to know I still have people to back me up.”

“You do.”

“Are we agreed? On the rules for visiting Tali?”

“Yeah. I can do that.”

“Good. If this goes well, we can talk about increasing the frequency of your visits,” Tony gave him a look.

“W-would you be present at these visits too?” Gibbs stammered a little as he posed the question.

Tony gave him a long look. “In the beginning, yeah.”

Gibbs cheered inwardly at that. So he would get to spend time with both Tony and Tali? Even if Isak was present, he was going to count that as a win.

Tony glanced at his watch. “I have to go,” he told Gibbs. “I’ll be in touch when we’ve settled in.”

“Where will you be living? You sold your apartment.”

“I can take care of Tali and myself,” Tony said shortly. He started to turn and Gibbs stepped forward approaching him. Tony’s stern façade cracked then, as he hurriedly backed away, scrambling to the wall behind him, and Gibbs saw the stress, worry and unease, before the stern mask fell back into place. “Don’t push it,” he warned Gibbs, and the older man realized that he was using the same tone of voice that he would with an unpredictable and dangerous perp when he didn’t want to provoke them, which for Tony was actually quite rare. Tony had always been more of a ‘let’s poke the bear and force him to react’ sort of guy.

Gibbs held up his hands and took a step back, realizing that Tony actually felt threatened. It made sense, he supposed. Tony had turned up in his territory and had given in to his request to get to know Tali. He was probably feeling extra insecure at that point, and Gibbs trying to approach him had come across as an added intimidation factor.

“Sorry, Tony. Didn’t mean to… Anyway… I just wanted to ask if you could, you know, email me back again? Like before Peru. I was worried about you,” he said softly.

Tony bit his bottom lip and stared at Gibbs for a long moment. He gave a faint nod. And then he whirled and ran up the stairs, and Gibbs heard his footsteps as he strode quickly out of his house, going so fast he was practically running. His own legs gave out and he sat heavily down on a sawhorse. What did it mean that Tony ran out of his house like that? Tony had always played at being intimidated by him, but this, tonight, this was not Tony play acting. He had somehow become someone in whose presence Tony felt threatened. How had things come to this? If this was Tony’s reaction to being alone with him, how would he ever be able to ask the man the question of why he had returned to the team after Tali’s birth?

Gibbs sat for a long time, just thinking over the entire conversation, and obsessing about Tony’s almost panicked retreat when he moved towards him. How had their relationship deteriorated to the point now that Tony instinctively ran from him? Before the sex, before it all, as far back as when they first met in Baltimore, they had always clicked. Tony always got him, always went out of his way to have his six, even when Gibbs didn’t deserve it. Tony had always maintained an easy air around him, never insisting on personal space, always generous with his entire self. And now, Tony couldn’t even be near him. It hadn’t even been this awkward after Gibbs had broken up with the man. Tony seemed to have just taken it all in stride and work went on as if nothing had happened. The only change back then had been that Tony stopped coming over and Gibbs stopped having the best sex he’d had in forever. At work, Tony seemed less inclined to meeting his gaze, but other than that it had been as if the sex had never happened. And then Tony had taken up with Ziva, and what could Gibbs say about Rule 12 then when he had been the one fucking Tony and breaking Rule 12 himself before that?

But even so, Tony had never run from him. Hell, Tony had come back to him after Tali had been born. Which brought Gibbs back to the original question plaguing him. _Why_ had Tony returned to NCIS after Tali’s birth? The answer to that was important. Also as important was that Tony was coming back to the area for one semester and was finally allowing Gibbs a chance to get to know Tali. Supervised visits were better than nothing. Gibbs felt something fall into place. Whatever else happened, he was not going to fuck up his relationship with Tali. Tali was everything. He knew he had a lot to make up for, but he would make it up to her, and he would work on this for the rest of his life. He’d been a good father to Kelly. He wanted to be a good father to Tali. Tali deserved his best effort, and he was definitely going to give her that. He was going to work to earn the right to be Tali’s father. And if he also learned the answers to the question that he had about Tony, well, then that would be OK too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now it's done. Thank you so much for reading this, hope y'all enjoyed it. And yes, I went there with mpreg. In this 'verse, men and women can both conceive, carry, and birth children. There's societal differences in different countries - in the US, men who bear children are called "carriers" and have less rights than women when it comes to their children. In Israel (and the middle east in general), men who bear children are called mothers, just like a woman would be, and have the exact same rights as a woman over their children. And yes, I know the story isn't done. I actually wrote two more chapters (about 10,000 more words) before I realized that the next part (originally Part IV) was much larger than I'd originally thought. So... yeah, I know, I'm terrible... it's going to be a sequel. (NOOOOOO not another sequel in progress!?!?!?!) :D I owe you guys so many sequels now, and several of them are half written. I will get there. Eventually.
> 
> Anyway, let me know whether the revelations worked? Did you like discovering things with Gibbs without the tags giving everything away? Or did you already figure out that was where the story was going? Again, I will come back and update the tags to this story in a couple of weeks or so so we'll be all up to date there soon.
> 
> I want to say a huge, huge, thank you to my awesome beta, [jesco0307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/pseuds/jesco0307) without whom this story would be so much less. Any mistakes remaining are my own. I couldn't have done this without you! And of course, many many thanks to [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/pseuds/Red_Pink_Dots) for all of the gorgeous artwork. Every time I think 'this one is my favorite', I look at the next one and I change my mind. I love them all. Very much. Go check out her [art masterpost](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12258945/chapters/27858000) and give her the love she richly deserves! :D
> 
> The title of the story comes from a line in the Indigo Girls' song [I Don't Wanna Talk About It](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVn3bNPk1Ho). It heavily influenced me while I wrote this story.
> 
> And of course, this is part of the [NCIS Big Bang Challenge](ncis-bang.livejournal.com) over on LiveJournal, and as always, thank you to [Jacie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacie/pseuds/Jacie) for organizing this challenge! This is my second time participating, and I've had a blast both times.
> 
> I still can't believe that I wrote this. Tali, a Ziva that I did not stab, and mpreg. Well. We all have to try new things, right? :P
> 
> I think that is it! Now that this behemoth is done, hopefully I'll be back to writing my other things (yes, like the many sequels that are in progress?) :D Happy Friday the 13th! See y'all, and thank you!
> 
> <3  
> -j  
> xoxo

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art masterpost for Listen to my Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12258945) by [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/pseuds/Red_Pink_Dots)




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